Why guys only want sex with me when I am not looking for that? I really show my personality and think I am interesting. So, why?

[Anonymous]

[DaveJord]

I have no idea as to why this is the case with you personally. So I can only speak in general terms, and not specifically in how it relates to you.

Generally speaking, it says you are 18 to 24. I will "assume" you are talking to about men in your own age group... and guys at this age are not as emotionally mature as most woman there same age. Men usually come round to wanting serious commitments in their later 20s to 30s. Which is why you see more older men with younger woman... I think there is something to this thing.

Bottom line though, no matter their age... guys like women in general because of the physical attraction. Thats how it begins for most guys, and if it is there from the start... all that testosterone in or system can really work against us. But don't get it mixed up, don't think because a guy has this over whelming urge to want to have sex with you, that he does care about you, or that he is a bad person. But yeah, its like totally nature for men to want to have sex with attractive, fun women with great personalities. Its like how nature made us... it really hard to work around it if you are get hung up over it.

Then of course there are just a like of ass hole people in the world, and they ruin it for all us good people. Not saying you are an asshole, just saying it makes it tough to trust people. But bottom line, if they really like you they will wait on the sex and respect your space... but that's not going to stop them from wanting sex.

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️

[RespectfulGuy]

@DaveJord had a GREAT answer concerning the guys. Let me write what I think of you from your details and replies.

I think

1) you're more mature, emotionally, than most guys in your circle.

Sometime or perhaps almost everytime, you feel frustrated because you and guys you met simply sing different tunes.

And I think yes, the lack of maturity on the guys part is a reason.

2) you need to accept the fact that guys date for sex. As written by dave, it's what guys are.

Much like you want guys to join your "personality" and "love" tune, they want as much you to sing their "sex" tune.

Not asking you to be promiscuous, but learning to communicate and balance out these desires means singing in concert.

3) learn to bargain. For you to know them better before entering the bedroom, learn to hang sex like a carrot.

Example, propose a date like 6 months from now. Be sincere about your offer, be it fellatio, intercourse or whatever you're comfortable with.

Then use the days remaining to get to know each other.

After that, decide if to continue or break.

Yes, it's. A hard fact, that Guys simply mature slower than girls.

Learn to accept it and sing to his tune, wisely.

May you find the One. 😁

[Malwi93]

yes they do date for sex but we dont need to participate in this foolery

[RespectfulGuy]

@Malwi93 haha. Foolery. Well, it's the basic instinct that cause kingdoms to rise and fall, families to become establish and demolished.

The Chinese had a saying, that even great heros can't conquer beauty (girls, sex appeal).

It's so basic an instinct from boys to old mna, we simply think of sex most of the time of our adult life (guilty 😜)

Hence I agree it's foolery. But I prefer the word instinct. The instinct that keeps mankind (and womankind) alive.

[DaveJord]

@RespectfulGuy thanks for the nice words.

I agree with all but number three... honestly, I had a girl more or less do this for me. The date she hung on the wall, so to speak was News Years... planed a nice evening and she would stay over at my place. So basically 6 weeks after we started dating.

Well this caused me to over look some serious things, because I rightfully or wrongfully, (and honestly at this point I am not sure myself, if it was right or wrong) I hung on because I knew on New Years there was this hanging sex thing out there.

So I overlooked some small red flags, New year's was amazing we so romantic and we had a great time, like one of the best New Years of my life... and then of course the cherry on top, was sex. It was great sex to like really passionate love making sex.

But she had BPD, and it ended in dramatic explosion of hell, I don't know how else or what else to say. But looking back on it now... I mean all the signs were there from the start. I just looked past it, because honestly, she was a great and amazing person on her good days. She made you feel like the most special person in the world. Then there would be these 5-to-10-minute episodes where she was like a different person, then the sweatiness would immediately be back. It kind of got hairs on back of my neck to stand up, but I was thinking only two more weeks, one more week. And honestly, I like this woman, she was amazing in a lot of ways.

But after sex, these dramatic episodes were more frequent and prolonged. So, I do not thing hanging a date on the wall for sex, is a good idea. When it feels right just be right with it, and if you can't be right with it, then it probably doesn't feel right either.

[Malwi93]

guys r not animals and they know exactly what they r doing

[RespectfulGuy]

@DaveJord oh so sorry you had that experience.

And of course not many guys will accept point 3 because they're for the Asker's benefit.

To some extent, I had "betrayed" us guys 😀 by teaching girls how to lead us on.

That point was to make our combined opinions complete for HER benefit.

PS: I did not expect you had a bad experience with that before. Sorry again 😅

[DaveJord]

@Malwi93 I agree with this, and neither are woman, they know exactly what they are doing.

See you cannot have it one way, then assume it does not apply the other way as well. Like woman have no clue... because like you said guys are not animals, they know... and woman are not animals either, it's been known since the beginning of time it's all about the birds and bees,

Every couple in the world, has worked this out together, as far as what the birds and bees mean to them and on what level and when it should have any effect on their relationship. So emotionally mature and intelligent people know and understand the impact the bird and the bees have on the dating process... and honestly it can be very natural and beautiful thing for two people to share... and it can be a very ugly and hurtful thing as weel.

That's for each and every individual to work through on their own, with the other person. There is no perfect solution or timetable for sex in any relationship, it all depends on the two individuals invovled.

[RespectfulGuy]

@Malwi93 oh you give us too much credit 😝

Yes, we can be very gentlemanly when we think with our head above.

But when we are "chemically induced" to think with our head below, rape happens, drug is abused, tons of social issues, and yes, hurting the feels of girls happen.

Really, I hated it myself. Think of PMS to many women. When we're "high" and horny, we're like having PNS - pre nuptial syndrome. 🤣

[DaveJord]

Nah... I not upset... I just making the point that hanging sex out like carrot... well sure I am not arguing its not a good way to manipulate a man into a relationship. I mean woman do it all the time, I just do not think it's a good way for a woman to start of a good and healthy relationship.

But it a scientifically proven method, to set pattern of behavior based upon reward base incentives. To a good job at work and you will get a promotion or more money... hey date me for 6 weeks and I will give you sex. I mean "weaponizing sex." that way is manipulative and most mean can see around that and wait it out just for sex... and why?

Because she hung it out there like that.

[RespectfulGuy]

@DaveJord wow "weaponize". When I wrote my Opinion, I never think it as a manipulative weapon, but more of a "trade", something where the girl will give, and the guy willing to wait, to build a long term intimate relationship rather than a cult like mind manipulating method.

Perhaps I'm from a more innocent place. Your reply shocked me a little that many girls there actually "weaponized" what I thought as "playing" a little hard to get, innocent exchange of boundaries to "get to know us better".

Regrets, that basic human trust aka benefit of doubt is all but lost.

[DaveJord]

@RespectfulGuy I am surprised by your response as well. LOL

I mean you never felt like girl lead you on over sex, in order to get something?

Playing hard to get, even in the slightest and funniest of ways, is game play none the less.

Quote
Playing hard to get is an effective strategy for some dating and relationship situations. If a partner is already interested and likes you, posing a challenge can turn up their desire. If they are uncertain and not a little invested, however, it might be best to be more direct and engaging. That will allow you time to build their interest and commitment in other ways first. (Then you can play a little harder to get down the road.)
If the partner is not committed or invested in you, however, playing hard to get can backfire. In those instances, you are simply asking them to work harder for something they don't (yet) want. Therefore, it is better to be more agreeable, pleasant, and straightforward—increasing liking. That may give you time to build their commitment and interest in other ways, such as
www.psychologytoday.com/.../when-should-you-play-hard-get

[DaveJord]

@ asker Just be honest and upfront about what you want in a relationship and from a partner. That is always the best advice. Any type of game play can be risky.

[Malwi93]

umm no PMS doesn't affect my decision that deeply

[RespectfulGuy]

@DaveJord oh TBH, I hate girls playing hard to get with me.

But I had accepted it as a fact of dating LOL!

As I wrote earlier, my reply is for Asker's benefit against a guy who kept asking for sex on the outset of dates.

Situation differs. And it's the girls wisdom to get a committed guy before engaging in sex. And how to get this commitment is the challenge every modern girl has in the dating world.

[provokeesmokee]

It has nothing to do with you.

They're just being normal men. Most men don't think, or think deeply. They want unga bunga bang and boobs, and that's it.

Don't waste your time right now.

Just have fun, don't tie yourself down. For the next six years, men your age won't even mature. You're miraculously lucky if they mature by 35. Most don't have a hope of maturing until after 1 divorces and 45 yo.

Always remember: men under 30 only want sex. And most men above 30 also only want sex.

[KingslayerC]

How horny you are after a week w/o sex is how horny a guy is after a day. One month for you is like a week for a guy. One month for a guy? That's like an entire year for you. So whenever you're interacting with a dude, sex is going to be a stronger driving force. Can't change that.

As far as why you aren't relationship material, there's a ton of possibilities and no way for me to know. A few common ones are, the type of guys you are going after (young guys or players, for example), your overall attractiveness (there's such a think for guys as "good" enough to sleep with<date<LTR with<marry), personality flaws that are deal breakers for relationships (dishonest, rude, abusive, boring, for example), bad hygiene, bad sexual performance and more.

[MementoMori777]

cause society has become very lustful, you keep looking and letting that personality shine, eventually you'll attract someone with it

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️

[lightbulb27]

It's what you are projecting inside that is influencing, people you are around (quality of people) possibly the rumor mill, how you present yourself (dress). have to visualize to judge further. If what you are saying from sub conscious mind is "use me", then that's what they respond. That would be a sign of low self worth/confidence, which might stem from some family issues growing up.

If that's true, then you can take control and work on.

[spartan55]

All guys want sex. Some also want a relationship too. Hard to find at your age though.

[Asker]

Yes but you know it really hurts me

[spartan55]

What's that?

[Asker]

Like this rejection from them

[spartan55]

Rejection because you won't have sex with them?

[LiamJHayden]

There are guys who will fit what you want. In the meantime be thankful that the guys who view you as just a piece of meat make it clear so you can avoid them.

[Asker]

Thank you 🥰

[Malwi93]

this right here

[ProbablyClueless]

I promise that I'm not saying this to be mean, but it is entirely possible that your personality misses the mark. Maybe you're a little bit bland or worse; a much less pleasant person than you think.

[slatyb]

Not many men your age are going to be thinking much about a future marriage. Don't waste time on men who aren't interested in you.

[Kaneki05]

Those guys are dumb. What else to it really.

[bernhardh]

I see no way anyone could answer that without seeing you in person

[Guardian45]

What did you wear on your first date?

[Guardian45]

How did you meet?