Boyfriend drags out fights for weeks?

[Anonymous]

So whenever we have fight my boyfriend can never think of good ways to make it up to me. He does stupid stuff like giving me a card to say sorry. Then we end up fighting for weeks because he can never fix it. How do I speak to him and tell him this is a problem?

[Anonymous]

After reading your post and your replies to other opinions I say you are a contributing factor in the fights but you want to act like you haven't done anything

you said he has apologised yet you expect him to keep making it up to you and keep apologising to you. At least he made an effort to apologise to you but you just want to keep fighting. You can't keep blaming him if you are the one who is holding onto the anger weeks later after he has already tried to apologise

[sheikalana]

Sit with him and tell him what the issue is and how you would like to see this fixed and don't want this to happen again in the future.

[BarryLiverstone]

By taking responsibility and not blaming him. Talking to him and saying it’s a “we” problem, not his problem. And planning a solution together.
Have you talked about how to better resolve future fights?

[Asker]

It’s not really a “we” problem though. He starts the fights so he has to fix it. We talked about it but only way to solve it is if he makes it up to me. And I don’t know how he can but that’s up to him not me.

[BarryLiverstone]

Incorrect. You are both in the relationship so you gotta step up and take responsibility. If he needs to fix it then tell him how to. Don’t just rely on him to guess how you want an apology to go. Did you tell him how to make it up to you?

[Asker]

But I feel like he should make it up to him on his own without my help. No I didn’t because I don’t know myself how can make it up to me. He knows me, knows what I like so he should be able to.

[Asker]

I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to help him when he started the fight and annoyed me.

[BarryLiverstone]

Should you help him like a little child when he messes up? No. However you should be able to discuss how you feel and prepare for future conflicts with him. If you don’t know how he can best make it up to you then you do the work and take time to research the best ways.

To be clear I’m still saying that he can be wrong and need to make an effort to apologize. But if you want him to guess (such as getting you a card) instead of telling him how you would prefer then you will continue to feel frustrated. Same goes in reverse.. he should be able to discuss and tell you what makes him feel better when you make mistakes

[Asker]

He has apologised a few times and done a few things to make it up to but it’s not enough I’m still angry but I also don’t know how can make it up to me. I don’t feel it’s my job to figure that out still.. like he should know what I like. Most of his ways to make it up to me are so bad. Like i don’t want an apology card or dinner

[BarryLiverstone]

If you still feel mad after a few weeks then you should know the source of your own anger. As I said he can’t read your mind. Why don’t you understand your own emotions?

[Asker]

I do understand my own emotions but he hasn’t done anything good enough to make it up to me that’s why I’m still mad

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s your choice then. I’ve not yet had a fight last for weeks with someone I’ve been in a relationship with. Being angry for that long is unusual for me but if that’s what you want then keep being mad. We all make choices in life.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"only way to solve it is if he makes it up to me. And I don’t know how he can but that’s up to him not me."

Not his job to read your mind snowflake. Jeez you sound super high maintenance.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"my boyfriend can never think of good ways to make it up to me"... what do you do to make it up to him?

[boggboss]

Meh as was said before u are self sabotaging your relationship due to a inability to communicate your wants and needs

[boggboss]

If u are still angry weeks after a fight that's somthing u are actively choosing to do

[Asker]

I’m not choosing to do it. He hasn’t done anything good to make it up to me so I can’t let the anger go until it’s solved

[boggboss]

No he has done nothing the the standard u want but your standards are ridiculous

[Anonymous]

How about you be the bigger person and when your fighting whip out your breasts. My girlfriend does this and I forget then why we fighting.