How do I deal with my boyfriend causing fights every week?

[Anonymous]

Together 4 years. In this time I’ve told him and listed out the things he does that piss me off and he still does them. This has caused pretty much a fight every week.

It’s to the point I can’t forgive him anymore because his apologies mean nothing when he continues to do the things that piss me off. And they are easy things to not do.

Like an example, I’ve asked him to not say stupid things and one time he asked me , with a knife in his hand, do you think this knife could hurt someone. And I just lost it. It’s countless things like that. Do I just break up with him? I told him I can’t deal with the constant fights anymore.

[Screenwriter]

The knife in the hand and asking if it could hurt someone is a barely veiled threat of violence. If you're fighting every week over the same problems, it sounds like your relationship has run its course and he's getting pleasure from the drama.

It's too bad, but you have to leave. He's comfortable with the fighting for some odd reason. But this stuff is unhealthy. Plan your exit and get out.

First find a place where you can go where he can't reach you. Maybe your parents, maybe a friend he can't contact. If needs be, a shelter. Leave everything behind that you can replace.

Do not listen to exhortations of apologies and change. As you've discovered, neither will happen. I would change my phone # and block him on all social media. Advise your friends and family that you have left him and do not want ANYONE giving out contact information of ANY kind to him.

Get a counselor to support you through this time. Advise your managers at work that you don't want any contact with this man. If you have to, get a restraining order from a judge to make sure this dude leaves you alone.

If you're at a workplace that anyone can enter or exit at will, you have a problem. He could show up. Then you would need a restraining order. Talk this out with your therapist. This man seems potentially dangerous and could be incensed that you've left him. Be VERY careful.

[Asker]

It wasn’t a threat of violence, he’s the least violent person I know. He just says really stupid things and he thinks he is being funny/silly

[Asker]

If anything I’m more likely to be the violent one because I’m always getting angry at him but he never gets angry he’s the most easy going person. He doesn’t like fighting, or so he says. He says it’s my fault for getting annoyed about something stupid he says.

[Screenwriter]

I think you should take seriously when someone uses threatening statements in the GUISE of being funny. You SHOULD be annoyed. It's NOT stupid. There's something WRONG with this guy. Get away from him.

The fact that it's constant fighting is the giant RED FLAG. Please leave and get emotional support from a therapist. I don't care about how chill he ACTS. He doesn't care about the simple requests you've made so you two can live together well.

He thinks his off humor is funny when it isn't. He won't do what you ask when your requests are simple and reasonable. WHY are you hanging around with this situation as it is?

[Paris13]

It is Very Toxic. And with a Knife in Hand------BAM!!! Someone is Surely to Get Hurt or Worse. Break it off. Please. Or it Could and Would BE too late. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks to Gag. xxoo

[Datboi65]

Sounds like you need to work on your anger. If people have to walk on egg shells around you, you're the problem.

I know this because I used to be that way as a teenager. Why? Call it a survival instinct since growing up I had to fight almost everyday. I can tell you now that it's been over 4 years since I've yelled at someone for making me that angry. I still get frustrated, but I'm a lot more calm and rational now when that happens.

Also, dumb questions. We're all guilty of those. Don't pretend like you haven't had a brain fart, or an airhead moment. Part of maturity is recognizing when things are not intentional, and accepting people for their flaws. From the looks of it, you're blaming him for fights that you are starting. You need to figure out why your anger threshold is very low, and work on getting it higher.

[lightbulb27]

needs some work to smooth this out or you two are done. 4 years... and what's the plan? Stress is what ruins relationships. A little is ok, it's how it's handled and it requires maturity to listen and adapt. Thus, he has to be willing, as should you to listen to his needs, and adapt.

Fights happen because someone doesn't agree. He is resisting changing... why? Is he mad and feel he can't do anything right?

Invite him out here to discuss the issues and work them out. Couples counseling, mentoring with others. Dedicated time to work on issues together and figure out what's possible.

nobody is perfect and few if any want to change. A lot of guys are immature. Add to this some people are easily annoyed, perfectionism.

Thing is... you two chose each other...

good luck!

[Finchie40]

Well if you are asking him to change who he is? then you are just wasting your time , because the truth is , he didn’t change , you are the one that changed by all of a sudden getting annoyed by his personality , the same personality he had when you first met him , so instead of pointing fingers at your boyfriend , start pointing fingers at yourself and ask yourself why all of a sudden am I getting annoyed with my boyfriend , find out what is really bothering you? Are you just bored of him? Do you feel like you are missing out on things? Are you interested in someone else? Those are all questions you should ask yourself before pointing fingers at someone else. If you clearly aren’t happy with him anymore then you are best to end it with him if you can’t accept the fact that maybe you are the one that is in the wrong

[AviatorTom]

You that it's impossible to change another person. Only they can do that. You have to decide if you want to live with him and what you consider to be his "peculiarities" or just leave him. That is your decision. Best of luck making the right one.

[coachTanthony]

You know what you have to do but you feel deep inside you don't want to waste 4 years of your life but don't let it go to 10 years. Move on.

[xKayTea]

Couldn't agree more, many people do not want to leave as they have committed a lot of time and other things to this relationship, however it's always better to cut it off now then as you said, let it become 10 years.

[OlderAndWiser]

has done these things for four years and you are still with him. That means you are equally at fault in this mess. Do you have any children together?

[BigRed1987]

Hopefully not…

[monorprise]

Why is it that you can't learn to ignore and tolerate his odd since of humor?

Why does it still bother you after 4 years that he merely says "stupid" things in your opinion?

Why are you not over it already? Why are you letting it "piss you off"?

At the end of the day you are responsible for your own reactions and feelings NOT anyone else. If your looking for someone who somehow naturally keeps you stable your just ignoring your own problem and hoping anther roll of the dice will avoid ever having to face it.

[Anonymous]

"It’s to the point I can’t forgive him anymore because his apologies mean nothing when he continues to do the things that piss me off"

it's over. you've checked out. now end it. because there's no coming back from feeling like what you just said there.

[sheikalana]

If you've warned him multiple times and he's not willing to change why go through all the stress every single week and wasting your time on him? I would make a last ultimatum and tell him our relationship is on the verge to end and list all the things that should you both should work on after that if he doesn't change his attitude I would move on.

[jeffend888]

Warn? What is this, some kind of job?

If you feel the need to "warn" someone in a relationship - it's not a relationship. Whatever it is, it's done.

[Asker]

I have given him lists of things he needs to work on. He says I should learn to be more tolerant and laugh at the things he says. He says the things he’s saying wouldn’t bother most people at all and they’re just him being comfortable and silly. I beg to differ

[jeffend888]

Based on what you just said, it's not a match. People can't just start doing things that don't come naturally to them. You can't all of a sudden start asking a cat to stop shitting in a box or chasing birds.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Get out of that relationship.


I spent 18 years married to my ex wife that was just like that. Things would be great, then once she felt like l had been happy long enough, BAM!!! We would fight, l would curse and all would be good the next day, until she felt like l had been happy long enough.


A person like that won’t change. It is just the way narcissists are. Don’t sacrifice your mental well being.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Run for the hills. Don’t let the fear of being alone, until you find the right man, stop you from separating yourself from him.

[midnightmoon05]

The way you ask this question is the problem.
he caused? It takes two. Work on yourself…only you can make the changes for the better…with or without him.
So far things sound toxic.
good luck making a decision.

[rollingtwenties]

Sorry you need to break up. If it's like this now just imagine when your married and have kids and it's too late. The strange thing about relationships is that they shouldn't be this much work? Like you don't get rewarded for trying harder like you would at school or a job.

[provokeesmokee]

Then break up. Doesn't sound like he's got any interest in changing.

[Asker]

It just seems stupid to break up over small things but they really piss me off

[Pyrofox]

I question your choice in boyfriend's... Straight up dating the legit like genderbent male interpretation of Gasai Yuno...

[Billlewis]

I think you need to have a talk with him about this.

[Asker]

I have spoke with him about this for the last 4 years. He still does the things that piss me off, it’s so easy not to so I don’t get why he does

[Asker]

He says I cause the fights by getting angry over small things in the first place

[BigRed1987]

It sounds like you do cause the fights. Is every example of yours this petty?

[Asker]

@BigRed1987 well I definitely don’t cause the fights. If he stopped saying stupid things then we would never fight. I wouldn’t call them petty , if they annoy me they’re not petty.

[Juxtapose]

If somebody is that troublesome then I'm going to just find somebody else. You have to at least be better than my solitude for me to date you. If my own company is better than you than we have problems.

[Anonymous]

Come on, be more likable.
Don't get pissed at everything, he just trying to start a conversation and joke around with questions like that and you act like an intellectual and call that stupid and start the fight? Come on!

[Peter_Penetrator]

Anonymous dude, you got it alllllll wrong.

[KingOfMe1]

@Peter_Penetrator No you got it wrong. She clearly has no sense of humor nor imagination.

[Anonymous]

I'm also violent but he is crazy.. if he did that to me I'd slit his throat and then taste his blood infront of him.

Good luck! Hope you can leave him

[JHNS98]

You clearly have issues, so I would advise you to get counseling if you still love him, otherwise your most obvious choice is to leave.

[Reem12345reem]

sounds like a narcissist to me , he likes pissing u off (even if he doesn't know that)

[KingOfMe1]

Because he asks silly questions? Lol Cmon.

[Reem12345reem]

It's not about the questions, it's about the fact that he KNOWS that she gets annoyed when he asks these and he still does it

[Asker]

He claims to not know every time something will piss me off and says he doesn’t want to walk on eggshells and have to worry about everything he says when he is just being himself. I feel like it’s not too much to ask though

[TheMiraclee]

I'm not sure, but it seemed to me to be a bit threatening. The only thing that matters in this world is you. So get away from the things that hurt you and let go.

ʚʕ •̥ ˕ ິ•̥ ʔɞ

[DextroShade]

I think you like the drama but don't want to admit it otherwise you wouldn't have wasted so many of your best years on this guy.