What’s it mean when a guy says he loves you, then ghosts you, then comes back but you stop talking to him, and then blocks you?

[Anonymous]

Went out/talked to this guy for three months. He said he loved me/I was the one/asked me to be his girlfriend (the last two were not sober tho!) then out of nowhere stopped talking to me for a month. Especially after saying he wanted to call me yet never once asked for my #. Then he kept trying to start a convo but I ignored him until he asked again how I was months later but then said he was going to be busy (w/o me even asking) so I just read it and didn’t reply. Now he’s unfollowed me and/or blocked me. Was any of the good real? Did he ever have real feelings for me? Or just trying to sleep with me?

Updates

+1 y

I usually don't leave anyone on read but his preemptive comment about being busy sucked. I wasn't going to reply but it was my bday & he sent me something so i liked the message but didn't respond to the other stuff -- so it was left as "seen". I had never done that to him before. Even when he came back from ghosting. Could it mean I hurt his feelings or just his ego bc I wasn't going along w him anymore? To me, if he had real feelings he would’ve asked what's wrong or wait a while to reconnect.

[Oliverlogan263]

This guy's behavior suggests that he likely didn't have genuine feelings for you and was just trying to sleep with you or get attention. Here are my reasons for thinking that:

1. The "I love yous" and requests for commitment came very early, after only 3 months of talking/going out casually. That's a red flag that he may have been saying whatever he thought you wanted to hear to advance things physically.

2. His sudden, unexplained ghosting for a month after confessing those strong feelings shows that he clearly didn't care much about your actual connection or you as a person. If he did, he wouldn't have abruptly cut off communication like that.

3. When he tried to start talking to you again months later, he immediately said he'd be busy without you even asking. This suggests he wasn't genuinely interested in reconnecting and catching up - he just wanted to keep you on the hook in case he changed his mind later.

4. The fact that he has now unfollowed/blocked you indicates that you probably served more of a transient purpose for him (getting attention, sex, etc.) rather than being a true romantic interest. If he had real feelings, he would want to stay in touch and build something more.

5. His hot-and-cold behavior, love-bombing and lack of follow-through are classic signs of a guy who's not looking for anything serious or meaningful, but more interested in fulfilling a short-term desire.

In summary, I think this guy's actions speak louder than his empty words. His behavior shows a lack of consistent care, interest or follow-through that would characterize a genuine connection. It seems he was just trying to get what he could from you in the moment, without real feelings involved. I'm sorry you had to deal with that situation - you deserve better.

Hope this perspective provides some clarity and closure. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thank you, it really does (you read my mind honestly). It would’ve been nice if he’d just been upfront about it. I’m just left wondering why guys see some girls as relationships and others as just temporary. I really don’t think I gave him the impression I wanted something casual or short-lived. Anyway, this helped a lot thanks again.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome! I'm glad I could provide some clarity and context that was helpful.

To answer your question about why some guys see some girls as relationships and others as temporary, there are a few potential factors:

1. Physical attraction - Some guys prioritize physical attraction above all else, so if they're not highly physically attracted to a girl, they may only see her as a casual option. Even if you didn't give off a casual vibe, a lack of strong physical attraction on his end could have relegated you to the "temporary" category in his mind.

2. Differences in what they're looking for - Some guys are genuinely just looking for something casual, while others really want a relationship. If a guy is primarily looking for something casual and a girl wants something serious, he may only see her as a temporary option. It has less to do with you as a person and more to do with differing goals.

3. Stereotyping and assumption - Unfortunately, some guys make quick judgments and assumptions about girls based on stereotypes. Things like profession, hobbies, personality type, etc. can unfairly influence whether a guy sees a girl as "relationship material" or not. Even if unfounded, these biases can shape his intentions.

4. Personal issues and immaturity - As in this case, guys who struggle with communication, intimacy and commitment often can't see anyone as a long-term option. Their own issues prevent real connections, so most people end up being "temporary." He likely would have done the same to any girl in this situation.

So in summary, while it's not a reflection on you personally, a combination of his desires, assumptions, issues and maturity likely factored into why he only saw you as a temporary option - not something you gave off or deserved. Try not to take it to heart, as his behavior says more about him than you.

[236color]

Now I understand your feelings about "I wish he had been up front about it." How do you envision that going? He says, "Hey I think you're cute, let's go to bed". He knows what the response to that is, even drunk.

[Asker]

I'm trying so hard not to take it personally but it's very difficult because we had a lot of common interests, common goals, and a lot of chemistry. He even was the one to ask me if I saw a relationship with him in the future and invited me to hang out with him and his friends twice. Things just seemed genuine until he ghosted for a month. That did strike me as immature. Thank you, I appreciate your insight.

[ManOnFire]

Sorry you went through all that. I don't think he ever had any true feelings, I think he was just infatuated or excited with you. And he made a bunch of declarations that people with intense infatuation often do: saying he loved you and that you're 'the one,' without even actually knowing you beyond just talking. I think you did the right thing by not responding.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that how a person was or how they behaved so sweetly with us doesn't matter in the end, what does is what they did at the end, and what tells you a lot about them. A person who really cares about you is not going to up and disappear on you, let alone block you either. There's better out there for you than somebody like him.

[BlackBeauty90]

Even IF he was being serious - which he isn't been by the way - WHY would you want to have anything to do with a man that has the maturity level of a 5 year old? In fact I am pretty sure toddlers are more mature than this person.

Seriously. Increase your standards and stop fishing in the gutter for men.

[provokeesmokee]

I think he's confused. Too confused to know what he wants from you, and too confused to warrant your investment.

Just block and leave him be. He'll burn himself out eventually.

[Alli39]

I'm sorry, he said he loved you before he even had your phone number? That's some bs right there. Just ignore the guy, sounds like a user if I ever saw one.

[Spongebobssocks]

It means he is a narcissist. That is classic narcissitic behaviour. Its lovebombing, then ghosting then they come back and check on you and on and on.. Best to leave him blocked

[electromagnetic]

Consider yourself saving lots of time and headaches later.
A first ghosting means there guaranteed to be more. He didn’t sound like an honest person.

[Avicenna]

It means he has some issues and you should forget about him and move on

[ProbablyClueless]

All that means is that you're talking to an emotional trainwreck.

[Kkoalalita]

Don’t worry about what it all means. If he wanted you, you wouldn’t be questioning his actions

[Iron_Man]

Sounds like a bunch of teenagers immaturity to me

[Iron_Man]

Plus, he’s a drinker. Maybe he wants you in bed

[Asker]

Yeah thats most likely true, every time we went out he would drink a lot :/

[Iron_Man]

Forget that

[sheikalana]

Means he's unstable.

[In_Trance]

It means you're wasting your time

[MementoMori777]

It means he didn't love you

[Jmmmfi4]

Playing games

[MrHappy99]

They sound pretty irrational tbh.

[Reem12345reem]

dick head

[Anonymous]

Are you slow? He doesn't like you

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆