He can do it but I can't?

[Anonymous]

He'll tell me, "you better not be looking at other guys!" Etc.

But he'll be looking through other girls' pics and vids/thirst traps for a very long time behind my back.

When I question him, he just lies and deny he even watches them. Or he'll say something negative about each girl, like her boobs look fake or her ass look gross or she doesn't have boobs, etc. But he be looking through ALLLL their pics and vids like it's going to look different.

But if I just so happen to scroll and there's a dude's pic, fully clothed, average looking... He will swear up and down that I'm talking to the guy or fucking him.

Updates

+1 y

It's weird that he claims he doesn't like skinny girls and he doesn't deny he likes bbw, but he gets all mad when someone makes jokes to him. For example, there would be a pic of a sexy skinny girl and someone would be like, "bro this one is yours lol" and his response would be in a disgusting way, "ew/ick FUCK NO! Hell no. She looks like so and so. 🤮"
If we say that we were just joking, he'll be all mad at us and say not to joke and shit. But if this was turned around, he has some mean jokes

[Anonymous]

Toxicity.. ﾠ

[Anonymous]

This type of double standard and hypocrisy in a relationship is unhealthy and unfair. Here are some thoughts:

• His behavior of looking at other women excessively while controlling who you look at is hypocritical and disrespectful. In a balanced relationship, standards should apply equally to both partners. He can get the hell with dat, I can’t stand it with dudes like dat. Get on my nerves.

• His jealousy and accusations toward you seem unfounded and rooted in insecurity rather than trust. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication and respect.

• Lying and hiding his behavior is a violation of trust. Honesty and transparency are important foundations for any relationship.

• If you've tried communicating your perspective and boundaries clearly but he refuses to change or see your side, that's a red flag. It suggests he values controlling you more than a fair and balanced dynamic.

• You deserve a partner who respects your feelings, treats you with equal standards and acts transparently. His behavior would understandably lead to hurt feelings and erosion of trust over time.

• If you do choose to continue the relationship, I'd recommend having an open but firm conversation about how his actions make you feel, and establishing clear boundaries moving forward that you both commit to upholding equally.

The ultimate decision is yours, but I hope this perspective provides some food for thought. Best of luck navigating this situation in a way that feels healthy and fair for you.

type of double standard and hypocrisy in a relationship is unhealthy and unfair. Here are some thoughts:

• His behavior of looking at other women excessively while controlling who you look at is hypocritical and disrespectful. In a balanced relationship, standards should apply equally to both partners. He can get the hell with dat, I can’t stand it with dudes like dat. Get on my nerves.

• His jealousy and accusations toward you seem unfounded and rooted in insecurity rather than trust. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication and respect.

• Lying and hiding his behavior is a violation of trust. Honesty and transparency are important foundations for any relationship.

• If you've tried communicating your perspective and boundaries clearly but he refuses to change or see your side, that's a red flag. It suggests he values controlling you more than a fair and balanced dynamic.

• You deserve a partner who respects your feelings, treats you with equal standards and acts transparently. His behavior would understandably lead to hurt feelings and erosion of trust over time.

• If you do choose to continue the relationship, I'd recommend having an open but firm conversation about how his actions make you feel, and establishing clear boundaries moving forward that you both commit to upholding equally.

The ultimate decision is yours, but I hope this perspective provides some food for thought. Best of luck navigating this situation in a way that feels healthy and fair for you.

type of double standard and hypocrisy in a relationship is unhealthy and unfair. Here are some thoughts:

• His behavior of looking at other women excessively while controlling who you look at is hypocritical and disrespectful. In a balanced relationship, standards should apply equally to both partners. He can get the hell with dat, I can’t stand it with dudes like dat. Get on my nerves.

• His jealousy and accusations toward you seem unfounded and rooted in insecurity rather than trust. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication and respect.

• Lying and hiding his behavior is a violation of trust. Honesty and transparency are important foundations for any relationship.

• If you've tried communicating your perspective and boundaries clearly but he refuses to change or see your side, that's a red flag. It suggests he values controlling you more than a fair and balanced dynamic.

• You deserve a partner who respects your feelings, treats you with equal standards and acts transparently. His behavior would understandably lead to hurt feelings and erosion of trust over time.

• If you do choose to continue the relationship, I'd recommend having an open but firm conversation about how his actions make you feel, and establishing clear boundaries moving forward that you both commit to upholding equally.

The ultimate decision is yours, but I hope this perspective provides some food for thought. Best of luck navigating this situation in a way that feels healthy and fair for you.

[Tenderhearted]

In my experience, these types of men are mostly insecure, selfish and controlling. They usually end up being abusive and or toxic in one way or another. If you don't look at other pictures of men and you don't like him looking at other pictures of women then that's the standard you have for yourself and the relationship. But, if you don't mind it yet you're not able to do it because of his demands now that's a different story, those aren't his standards that's his insecurities and selfish nature controlling you which slowly puts you into the mindset of bending to his will in more than one area of your life. it starts with the "little" things and builds into bigger things. Maybe you should analyze the relationship overall and ask yourself if you're truly happy with this man and his behavior, if this is that big of an issue or not, can you both work past it and resolve it or is it time to say goodbye? Communication and choices.

[Asker]

Oh man, I see all three in him and he has gotten kinda abusive recently, even physically. But denies he has hurt me.
When it's good, it's good, but when it's bad.. it gets to the point where I have to drive off.

It's not so much of the fact that he looks at other girls like that. It's about how he lies and denies it all. Like, how is he going to tell me it wasn't him searching them up and stuff when he literally just did it a minute ago?

I know I can work past it. I just want him to be honest and truthful about it. When I ask him how he would feel if his partner did that to him, he said he wouldn't like it, but his selfishness makes him do all that behind my back anyways.
I think he would be able to cooperate but lately, if he's just getting upset about everything, I don't think it's worth fighting for this relationship..

[Tenderhearted]

When a relationship has reached abuse of any kind its good to sit down and reevaluate the foundation and whether or not your happy and or in a healthy relationship. Especially when it comes to physical abuse and you have to flee the situation, that is not a position you need to be in ever. I definitely understand the betrayal you feel knowing he is lying to you about his behaviors and things could possibly be different if he were honest. Have you mentioned to him it would not bother you if only he would tell you the truth? And I'd probably also ask, are you okay with him looking at girls knowing you're not allowed to look at males? If you see that you're the only willing to work partner in the relationship then it really is a matter of choosing to stay and fight on your own for the relationship if he doesn't OR decide to let it go and start a new journey for yourself, one where you are treated in the way you truly deserve.

[Asker]

I think he's got me trapped, mentally. The day after the abuse, he sits down and talks to me about it and apologizes for how he was and makes it seem as though it won't happen again. He reassures it soo much..

Yes. I have told him multiple times that if he just spoke the truth, we wouldn't be having issues. He has said he was afraid of what I might think of him or how I would react, but I reassured him and showed him that the truth may hurt me but lying hurts more when I find out the truth later on when I could've dealt with it sooner than later. He agreed but this lying thing is still happening anyway...

No, I'm not okay with it. I don't look at males because I want to. It's not my desire to look at other males. People may be good looking, but I don't have my eyes on everyone like that when I'm in a relationship. I do occasionally look at girls, but it's mainly for their fashion or makeup or just how their bodies look because I'm trying to get back into the gym. If he sees me checking out girls, he'll make a joke and ask me why I'm being a perv and stuff. But when I point something out and say it looks good or that I wish I kinda look like it or something, he gives me this stare and tells me I don't need to change anything about me and then he would go on to give a disgusted look about the girl I'm looking at and point out that her ass looks fake. Stuff like that.

I'm at the point where I wanna stay but I wanna leave. I think I'm in love with the potential he can be. He's an alcoholic and a smoker, but he hasn't had a drop of alcohol nor smoked in 2 months. When he gets to smoke, it's like he's himself again (or maybe pretends to be nice?)... Alcoholic him is either a horny guy or just irrational.
And I've told him many times that I don't wanna keep going through this again and again and he agreed but I only see little improvements and then it all just fails..

[Tenderhearted]

@Oliverlogan263 hit the mark with his comment.
It sounds like you know you’re trapped but maybe more so stuck in the in between of staying or going. You know the relationship is no good yet you stay for the hope in his potential.
He’s shown you who he is, and he has not changed. You can only take someone as they are or decide you can’t.
We can wrestle with the back and forth and tumble through as many questions as we need for you to be able to work up the courage to make the choice you know is best for you. At the end of the day, this guy isn’t making you better and you don’t want to stay long enough till you become bitter.

[Oliverlogan263]

This type of double standard and hypocrisy in a relationship is unhealthy and unfair. Here are some thoughts:

• His behavior of looking at other women excessively while controlling who you look at is hypocritical and disrespectful. In a balanced relationship, standards should apply equally to both partners. He can get the hell with dat, I can’t stand it with dudes like dat. Get on my nerves.

• His jealousy and accusations toward you seem unfounded and rooted in insecurity rather than trust. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication and respect.

• Lying and hiding his behavior is a violation of trust. Honesty and transparency are important foundations for any relationship.

• If you've tried communicating your perspective and boundaries clearly but he refuses to change or see your side, that's a red flag. It suggests he values controlling you more than a fair and balanced dynamic.

• You deserve a partner who respects your feelings, treats you with equal standards and acts transparently. His behavior would understandably lead to hurt feelings and erosion of trust over time.

• If you do choose to continue the relationship, I'd recommend having an open but firm conversation about how his actions make you feel, and establishing clear boundaries moving forward that you both commit to upholding equally.

The ultimate decision is yours, but I hope this perspective provides some food for thought. Best of luck navigating this situation in a way that feels healthy and fair for you.

[Tenderhearted]

Nailed it.

[Oliverlogan263]

@Tenderhearted thanks cause clearly something is wrong with the guy and he can go to hell with that makes me wanna beat his ass for that fr. Like how u can go on tell her he better not catch her looking at other men and not joke around with shit bout him but then if it was him, it’s all good and shouldn’t be taken hard feelings bout it or feels entitled to look other women or broads to talk shit bout. That get on my nerves with people like that cause I dealt with someone who was a friend like that before that if he did something to someone, it’s supposed to be all good but do it to him, he’ll get mad and wanna fight or cuss at you.