Is he intimidated?

[Angella0012]

Okay this is confusing. I have a reserved personality. I have no guy friends but I do have cordial relations with my male classmates. The reason to this is that I find it difficult to connect to men on a deeper level and I vibe with my girlfriends better. I try to be kind and helpful and am respectful, but I've recently noticed that I've never been flirted with.

Just recently a mutual guy friend told my bestfriend that he is scared of me.

I don't understand how I managed to scare him, I've always been polite and considerate. Although it is true that I am a bit firm about my boundaries and would never allow anyone to walk over me or my girlfriends and I never shy away from conflict but how does that make me a scary person💀?

After this comment, I've grown more observant about the behaviour of the guys around me and I've noticed that they always avoid me, yet some of them do stare at me and notice me.

PS:my friend tells me that I have a personality that screaming no nonsense, but still, that does not justify people admitting to being scared of me😭

[caring__1]

If people are scared of you, it's because they don't feel safe to be themselves in your presence, not being able to predict your reaction. Maybe they find themselves drawn to some aspect of you yet fear rejection or criticism.

You say you're considerate of others, yet it is common for people to primarily focus on taking care of or protecting themselves and not truly observing to see how their choices impact others. Maybe you're frequently on the defensive, and the best defense is usually an offense, so they can fear an attack. If your behavior shows you tend to interpret innocent comments as threats, people will keep their distance.

The question is whether you want to connect on a deeper level with guys. Maybe your fear of them has led you to hide behind a suit of armor, and that accomplishes your goal of protecting yourself from guys... though it also may keep the type of guys you would like to get close to from getting close to you.

If you truly don't care about guys, then your behavior is functional; though it may add challenges in the workplace. If you want to eventually connect with a guy and have a relationship, it may be helpful to find a mentor who can help you navigate what you perceive of as a scary maze. We either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. Hopefully whatever you choose will work well for you.

[Angella0012]

This makes sense!!
However, none of the girls I know have a problem with me.
I make girlfriends fairly easily!
But it's the guys that are staying away.
Should i change myself?

[caring__1]

If you prefer dogs to cats, you won't concern yourself with how cats see you. Since you're not interested in getting into a relationship with a girl, it is much easier for you to be true to yourself and connect with them. You have more to lose with a potential guy, so you'll probably be more guarded, which guys may interpret as you being aloof and not caring, feeling you're better than them or seeing them as a potential threat.

You ask if you should change yourself. I wouldn't say "should" and turn it into an obligation. I'd look at whether your choices are taking you where you want to go. If you're in California and want to go to the beach, would it make sense to head east? Yes, you could get to a beach by heading east, but plan for a long drive. Hopefully, we spend our entire life fine tuning our choices, in order to be more efficient when it comes to meeting our goals. Even professional musicians continue to practice and improve. Perfection is impossible, but it gives us a direction to head and a way of measuring our progress.

If you want guys to approach you, make sure you come across as approachable. Ask them for help, and show appreciation for any help they give. Comment on what they say or do (guys are less likely than girls to appreciate comments on how they look). Show consideration for their feelings. If you're going to get a cup of coffee, ask a guy whether he'd like one, too. Lay down your obvious guard and show receptivity. I'm not saying to stop being observant or ignore red flags, but don't assume red flags before you even see any. Show curiosity. Ask for his thoughts and feelings. If what he says doesn't make sense to you, seek clarification rather than becoming critical or minimizing his feelings by diverting the focus to how you see things. There's much more to consider, but, at least, this gives you a starting point.

[Angella0012]

Thankyou so much this helped a great deal🥰

[caring__1]

You're welcome. Glad to be of assistance.

[Staximus]

Guys aren't going to flirt with standoffish women unless they are looking for trouble

[Angella0012]

Is that a good thing or bad thing?
I don't want to be flirted with by any random guy but a guy straight off admiting to a friend of mine that I scare him to death is not a very pleasant thing to hear

[Staximus]

I'm not in the situation to witness how you interact with people, so I don't want to speculate too much. Weak minded coward guys are going to get scared off and that's ok. Some men can get past your badger-like disposition but most will just run. Personally, I like an ornery woman that doesn't take shit from anybody.

[Audette]

Standing out for yourself can be intimidating if he still struggle to find the right way to approach you.

[Angella0012]

I feel that if I don't speak my mind, people will walk all over me.
But I don't understand how this characteristic intimidates some people?