We have been together for 12 years and have always had a great sex life still averaging at least once a week, usually more. Up until recently at least. He has recently stopped going down on me when he used to frequently (everything is still nice and neat and clean as ever!) We had the worst dry spell of our marriage going 2 weeks right before he went on a work trip where some time was lost and alarm bells started going off. I texted him goodnight at 10:30 and when he didn’t respond an hour later I said it hurts you went to sleep without saying goodnight. Nothing until 6:30am he said his phone died and was in the lobby with coworkers til 2am and didn’t want to wake me by responding in the middle of the night. This was 2 weeks ago and his demeanor has been good, he has been sweet and helpful but something just feels off. I’ve been cheated on before in past relationships so I’m struggling with if this is paranoia from that or my intuition. Do these seem like red flags for cheating or should I not rock the boat in what is other wise a great marriage and life?
you're paranoid.
such things will happen in a long term marriage. Not texting "good night" to a spouse is not a huge deal. Maybe he got distracted and wasn't on his phone at that time. You can't be married to someone for years and expect them to immediately respond good night every single time you text them. Nobody stays on their phone waiting for their spouses to say good night every night. These things are very minor.
But if you been married to this guy for 12 years and this is the first time you went 2 weeks without sex... then it might be a red flag. But honestly... its quite hard to believe that a married couple had never gone 2 weeks without sex for 12 years.
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I think that things seem off usually because they are. The truth is you will never know 100%. Innocent partners deny. Guilty partners deny. You may be reading the tea leaves right or maybe reading them wrong. I imagine there were female coworkers on the work trip.
The phone story seems a little off because if it was important to call or text he could have gone up to his room to charge or maybe got a charge at the lobby.
Faced with suspected infidelity you just have to be judge and jury because there will be no proof either way. However your judge and jury don't have to reach a verdict tomorrow.
You can leave them out pondering and I think that is your best strategy. Best not to make decisions too quickly.
Blaming a man in your present for what men in your past did means no future for the two of you.
I don't know what he does for a living and I wasn't at that conference. Maybe his phone died. Maybe he was banging a midget tranny prostitute upstairs. Anytime someone is out they MIGHT be doing a great many things. If you assume the worst because of prior men, well, sorry, you don't deserve him.
If you're carrying around all this anxiety then I'm sure it has affected your sex life, but ultimately you're going to have to ask HIM why the sex life has gone downhill, then you're going to have to decide if you believe him or not. Whatever you decide though, do it based on HIS merits, not the list of those before him.
if he was loyal for 12 years its not likely hed cheat, all what you wrote sounds fine, maybe he was just a bit more tired and stressed, give it time. Its always also good to counicate without blame, you can tell you feel he is a bit distant and its making you paranoid probably cause of the past, if he reassures you then its probably okay. Gut feelings are important but by what you wrote there are no clear red flags.
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i think there are some red flags but not necessarily that he's cheating. i mean it could be but it also could be as simple as less connection between you two, which can be rather normal after 12 years together... but then it also could just be a series of incidents that are coincide with each other leading to what appears to be a problem
maybe just try and chat with him. talk about the recent decline in sexual intimacy and see if there is any reason he feels this has happened.
Consider the possibility that he told you the truth. Do you really want to blow up your marriage because he didn't think you'd appreciate a 2 am text/call?
I don’t think this is paranoia
I think us women always have a gut instinct sometimes it’s hard to follow. It could be he was with coworkers until 2 am but I don’t believe the dead phone excuse
I would not accuse him of anything but keep an eye openI guess you already know the problem. Don't allow your past experience haunt you in your blissful marriage.
Men don't know how to pretend a lot. If he is cheating on you, his behavior may have changed considerably by now.
Lastly, you don't expect sex to be going on same way throughout your marriage. You should not allow "only sexual satisfaction" stand in the way of your otherwise blissful marriage.
Wishing you the very best and nothing less.
It's not cheating girl it's lack of emotional connection and boring relationship routines.
Definitely cheating
You are being paranoid.
If is a man, he is probably cheating.
No they don't
He probably cheated
Red flags everywhere
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