Does an ex boyfriend talk to you everyday because there are still feelings there or because he wants to be friends?

[strawberrybaby3]

[NathanDavis]

even with my ex-girlfriend that I am good friends with today...

I don't think I ever spend THAT much time speaking with her, every single day...

but who knows? when did you guys break-up? how did that break-up happen?

maybe it is neither of feelings or friends.. maybe he wants sex, lol

the clues might be in... what do you two talk about, every day? there might be some hints in that

[strawberrybaby3]

We broke up a few months ago. And we have to work together (lol). So usually just gossip about work. By the way my age is wrong , I’m in my mid 20s and he’s 30. I don’t think I’d be gossiping in my 30s lmao.

I started to get confused last night though when he was sending me relationships memes which I didn’t really react to. He also knows I want to go back to school for something else so it seemed like he was trying to keep the conversation going by saying he hopes I find a course I like etc etc

[NathanDavis]

seems to me like, maybe... he was just used to the familiarity of it?

if she was in a relationship with you and also worked with you? maybe he does it because of habit, and while you're not against it either... lol

[strawberrybaby3]

Last week he did tell me he still had feelings for me but just does not want to talk about it then last night as I said, is sending me relationship memes. He is very confusing.

[NathanDavis]

sounds like... fishing

back and forth, mixed signals, yes, probably doing it on purpose... testing the waters

why did you guys broke up?

[strawberrybaby3]

What do you mean when you say fishing? We broke up not because of a loss of feelings but because he is moving in a few years to a different country and I decided that I cannot come and just leave my whole family so we thought there would be no point in continuing this. But obviously he started feeling jealous when I tried to move on, feelings get in the way and it’s a hard habit to break when you speak to someone everyday

[NathanDavis]

nevermind the fishing comment, lol... was just a way to say how he keeps going back and forth, pulling and then let go... hence, the mixed signals and why you feel confused

So, yes, I see why you guys broke up... two very different plans for the future, so it makes sense

and I do think that he still wants to get his way, he feels like he wants to get all his plans meet, and would hope that you quit all of yours and leave your people and your life here to satisfy him

when he says he has feelings for you but he won't discuss it... what he really means is that he has not changed his goal and he will not be willing to change his goals

he is just wishing you quit yours

[strawberrybaby3]

Well I’m not giving him anything and he hasn’t asked for anything. Do you think he has bad intentions with me? All of my coworkers tell me he definitely loves me and doesn’t know how to deal with it because he also has very strict parents that don’t accept people easy.

He’s also told me many times he’d love to see me happy with someone even though it would hurt him then when I actually try and do that I see that he looks and seems hurt.

[NathanDavis]

I would not say, and I do not think he has bad intentions per se, no...
but also, he does not have an interest on considering your needs.. and that is a very bad thing

about what your coworkers say, yeah... "definitely loves you" this does not really show the actual circumstances, we can love anyone we love yes, but love is not enough, we do not breathe, eat, and live just out of live... we also need other things that are very important as well, and these other things are the ones he is not willing to give you

when he says he wants to see you happy with someone... that is most likely not true if he also gets jealous when you try to move on... the words he say might be a lie, but his actions, his jealousy, that comes from true colors

"I would love you to be happy but you will hurt me if you are happy " <<<< this right here is a very manipulative thing to say to someone, it is very toxic... this one should be a "red flag" as they say

[strawberrybaby3]

This is also for both of us, our longest relationship so maybe this was just 2 people who came together because we were both in terrible relationships before this, and we happened to not be for each other but now because of attachment and feelings, it’s just a confusing mess.

[strawberrybaby3]

Yes I see what you’re saying. And you’re very right lol he says one thing then the look on his face and his reaction says otherwise. I do not think he wants to see me with another guy but wants to come across as the bigger person and mature. I asked him once, you’re actually ok with me seeing another guy? And he said no but what can I do, I am moving so this will never go anywhere.

And the reason why he’s so set on this plan and not willing to break it is because of his parents. He has many good qualities about him but one of the bad ones is that his parents dictate his entire life and they are moving so therefore he is following them.

[NathanDavis]

yes, as I wrote on my previous comment, it feels messy and it seems messy...

but one thing is clear... he is trying to manipulate and twist things a bit, not a good thing...

[NathanDavis]

that's also another bad thing...

if his parents are already dictating his life, guess what...

they will also try to control you and dictate all you can do and should not "for his son"

[strawberrybaby3]

I agree with you. That’s why I worry whether he will ever be in a good relationship or not in the future. That’s why when you said he's not going to change his plans and instead wants me to quit mine to follow him I disagreed because I think anything his parents tell him to do , he just does it no questions asked, and when I said I wouldn’t leave my family for him, he automatically chose his family over me which is fine, but if you’re in your 30s your parents shouldn’t be dictating your whole life.

He also has been encouraging me a lot to go back to school because he knows I want to study something else and always sends me links etc. but I think because there are feelings involved it’s hard for him to stick to his word and that could come off as him being Manipulative.

[NathanDavis]

yes, I get it...

and the only reason why I mention that what he does, is a manipulative thing to do... is because in the very same sentence he says he loves you, he also says that you being happy will hurt him... and this is a bit crazy to me... we should never say these things to the people we love

but yeah, his parents are definitely manipulating him by dictating his life

and I do agree with you that the chances of him being happy in a relationship are very slim... unless he finds the type of woman that was all of her life planned and controlled so strictly, which could be more common in other cultures or countries but not so much around here...

it is unfortunate yes... but you, definitely don't have to sacrifice yourself just so someone else can be happy to get their way or in this care his parents' way

[strawberrybaby3]

Well he doesn’t say outright that it’ll hurt him but I can tell when I DO mention a date or who I’m talking to, he asks too many questions and his facial expression change, as if he’s really hurt.

And he’s middle eastern, so he’s always lived with his parents even though he makes great money and doesn’t know any other way to live or he’d be staying here and we would still be together.

Bottom line is as you said, even though he’s trying to seem like a good helpful friend, I just feel like he’s not ready to fully let go yet so he’s talking to me everyday to stay updated with what I’m doing. Because honestly if I was over somebody I wouldn’t feel the need to really be friends or talk so often.

[NathanDavis]

yes, that is true... I do agree, especially with the last thing you said

and well, I just hope that when you decide to or find someone else, who is willing to make you happy and give you what you need... he will not be trying to sabotage or get in the way in any way as you move on with your life

[strawberrybaby3]

Thank you for all the advice 😇

[NathanDavis]

most welcome, and any time (=

and best of luck with your further studies... if/when you go for it

[Brittanykeen88]

I was in a situation where my ex was friends with his ex. It end up being one of the things that ruined our relationship. As I found out I was just a rebound girl, and he was still not over his ex and in constant communication with her. He didn't even tell she was his ex. I found out from a neighbor which also threw me. They didn't have good boundaries and he would talk to her like they were still together without being sexual. Still i didn't like it. So he probably still has feelings for you.

[Saiesh30]

A guy can't let go of a girl completely unless it was only physical. So apparently he has still feelings.

[Al_Musafir]

I don't believe that one can be still 'just friends' after break up. You never know what they are feeling... they might wanna come back, use you as a back up or just keep you for sex.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well, it's either that or he's just really comfortable. With the situation and doesn't want to let go. Have you talked to him about it? If so what did he say it was and why he's doing it

[strawberrybaby3]

He said because he cares about me and wants to remain friendly. The whole reason why we are not together is because we were bickering a lot and he is moving in the next few years and I decided that I cannot go with him and just leave my whole family like that so we thought ok what’s the point of going forward with this. So if a breakup is not because of a loss of feeling and you still speak everyday, it still feels like a relationship.

Where I’m confused is last night he’s sending me relationships jokes that I didn’t even react to. I feel like his head and heart often times tell him 2 different things which is why he always has this confusing behavior.

[Bklynbadboy12]

But see that is why when you in a relationship and you break up there had to be a clean break so you give yourself a chance to heal. Cause the lines get blurred real fast if you remain friends. See when you cross that line it's hard to go back to being just friends the expectations are to high. He'll always expect more than just a friendship and you will too

[Anonymous]

Given what you look like… I’m thinking there are still feelings. And he still wants you.

[strawberrybaby3]

Hey but looks get old after a few years 🤣

[Opinion Owner]

Not your looks 🥵😍

[ThebestIndian]

Okay. I just saw your profile picture and thought he wants you back.

[spartan55]

Neither, it's because he's an idiot.

[Luckycharms12]

Probably wants you back

[krin_m]

Probably a little of both!