My boyfriend sometimes takes cocaine?

[Anonymous]

When he goes out with his friends he takes it he is honest about it and tells me he did it.

Im totally against it, i hate it.

He said he takes it maybe 1 or 2 times a month when he goes out with them.

Said he makes no harm no nobody it doesn't affect nobody but him and its his body he does what he wants.

I said what if it was reversed, he said :"f you wanted to do it it would be your choice im nobody to tell you to stop".

I said that even knowing it damages my health. He said -Yes.

I said its difficult for me to accept he does it and he told me to not worry.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[WindAtMyBack]

OK, in my past I did just about every category of drug there is. That includes cocaine. The effects of the drug itself are not a big deal. The BIG BIG problem with cocaine is that is is highly addictive and expensive.

Your biggest concern should be if 1-2 times a month turns into an addiction. It wasn't clear from what you said if he is buying it, or if his friends are giving it to him. If he is buying more than what he uses in a single night, in my opinion that is a bad step in the wrong direction.

It is way too addictive and way too much temptation to have it laying around. It's far too easy to do hundreds of dollars worth when you only intended to do fifty dollars worth. When you do cocaine, you immediately want to do more. THAT is the big danger with cocaine, not the effects of the drug itself. Of course it depends on the strength of the drug also, since the strength of street cocaine can vary dramatically.

Also, this is all assuming he is snorting it. If he is shooting it, or some of the other methods of doing it, that is a whole different matter, and a lot worse.

[Asker]

He does both

[WindAtMyBack]

What do you mean he does both? Do you mean he snorts and shoots? If he is shooting, I think you should leave him. When it comes to drugs, sticking a needle in your arm is crossing a line. It's a line that even most hard core drug users don't cross.

You said you've never been with him when he does it. If he's shooting, and you watched, I think your mind would be made up then and there. I've watched people do it many times. I've watched them milking it.

I've done all kinds of drugs and admit it was a pretty serious problem. But I never stuck a needle in my arm. If you watch someone do it, not from videos but actually watch in person, you will understand that it takes drug use to a whole new level.

He needs to get clean. But right now he's not, and you can't count on that ever happening. NOBODY sticks needles in their arm casually. There is no such thing.

[Asker]

Not needle
He smokes it in a pipe
Like cocaine little white rocks he smokes and snorts too

[Fireguy17]

from the sounds of it you pretty much have 2 choices because he is probably addicted to it and does not want to quit.
So, you either put up with it and hope for the best, like someone didn't lace it with fentanyl or who knows what, and he ODs on it and the medics have to bring him back, if they can or it isn't too late. We have had patients have that happen to them, or you just have to make the decision that you are not able to accept his behavior now or in the future if/when it gets worse and cut ties with him and leave.
Either decision will be hard to do, but in the long run staying with him will be more detrimental to you in the long run.
Good luck, it won't be easy.

[Asker]

Its horrible
I dunno what to do

[Fireguy17]

Yes, it is a very tough decision.
Possibly set an ultimatum, you do this or I will do this, kind of a last resort, but when you do that you have to be prepared to carry through or from then on anything you say is retty much meaningless.
Or just give yourself a time line.
He needs to stop, or start rehab by this date or I am gone.
It gives you more time but he won't stop or deek help unless HE wants to.
That is the tough part, and what if he continues and lies about it.
How far down the sewer will you let yourself be dragged until you have enough, and by then it will take even longer for you to heal.
Cocaine is very addictive.
The first high is the best, after that you/they are always chasing the feeling and it can really affect the persons behavior pattern as well.
Paranoia is a big side effect, plus long-term health problems.
At some point when is enough enough?

[Asker]

Couple of days ago We had paranoia episodes:closing curtains, thinking people spy on him, phones are hacked.
Turning off tv, turning it on again. Thinking i change or hide thungs from him. Asked if i ever stole something from him (i said obvi nope!)
AC has wifi and can spy on phones
Hiding his phone from me
Looking all scared at me asking what im doing at his home
Asking if he can trust me
Saying i make him uncomfortable and asking me to leave (i didn't i stayed, wanted to see how it ends and wears off)
That day we ended up having sex because he said cocaine makes him super horny...
Also what happens when he is horny but im not around? will he go look for other women to fuck , while on cocaine, or will he just continue being on his own keep getting high on it? he himself said he is horny afterwards.

[Asker]

What health problems?
And true... when is enough?

[Asker]

Ah yes that day randomly grabbed my neck, not hurting or anything. felt like he meassures it

[Fireguy17]

Sounds like he already has paranoia which coke will do that to him.
I could not see any reasons to stay as his behavior will probably only get worse.

[Asker]

Why it provokes paranoia?

[tothebeach]

Does he drink? Or smoke weed? Or take any other drugs? Is he otherwise healthy? Or a slob?

[Anonymous]

It's important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your concerns and feelings regarding his drug use. Share your perspective on how it affects you and express your worries about the potential risks. Consider discussing the impact it might have on your relationship and whether there are compromises or boundaries that could be established. Ultimately, it's crucial for both partners to be on the same page about such matters to maintain a healthy relationship. If you find it challenging to navigate this conversation together, seeking professional advice or counseling may also be beneficial.

[Asker]

It doesn't affect me because im not around him when he does it
I wouldn't even know he does if he didn't tell me
But he says he wants to be honest with me

[Opinion Owner]

If his drug use doesn't directly affect your relationship or well-being and he is open and honest about it, you may want to consider having a more in-depth conversation about boundaries and your concerns. Discuss how his drug use aligns with your values and whether there are any potential long-term consequences for his health or your relationship.

[Asker]

Im tired and confused
I dunno what to do

[Opinion Owner]

It's completely understandable to feel tired and confused in such situations. Take some time for self-reflection to understand your own values, priorities, and what you need in a relationship.

[boggboss]

U decide if u can be with a partner that takes it he has shown u drugs is not a issue for him so if it is for u move on I dont see him stopping it for u because at its core it seems he feels he shouldn't be able to be told if he can or can't do it by his partner

[Asker]

Im not affected by it
Im not around him when he does it
If he didn't tell me i wouldn't even know

[boggboss]

OK so what's the issue here

[Asker]

I hate he takes drugs
I want him to stop
But he won't
And im not affected
So its like saying stop eating lemon icecream i dont like it
But it really doesn't hurt me
But it hurts him and i care about him i want him to stop
Im totally confused i wanna cry

[boggboss]

This is my point tho I don't see him stopping for u and if he does I see him resenting you for it so u need to decode out of the options u have what to do stay with him or end things

[Asker]

I do not know what to do😢😭😭😭😭

[boggboss]

Well it's your choice u need to decide don't think things will magically fix decide what u want

[Asker]

I cannot
I need help to decide😭😭😭

[boggboss]

How could u get help to decide what help do u need apart from u not choosing yourself

[glennos89]

I think it isn't a real problem as long as it doesn't become a addiction. I think as long as you don't use to much there aren't any major health problems of you use it every once in a while. I would be more concerned about financial issues as cocaïne is a very expensive type of drugs

[Asker]

Is geeting drunk every weekwns is equal to snorting cocaine?

[Fireguy17]

I beg to differ.
In all my years as a firefighter/medic all it takes is one hot load and they are gone, for good.
Now you have no idea what the dealers put in drugs, cocaine included, are laced with so many other things to give the uses an extra "kick" that the user, even a casual user have no clue about until it is too late. Fentanyl is one of them and it takes so very little to kill you.
Drug dealers like it when a few people die from thier drugs, the word gets around and more people will buy from them because their drugs must be really potent if so and so died. The dealers could give a crap about people.
I went to a call where it was a former tenant of mine whose son only used coke, and she found him on the bed, snoring respirations and was circling the drain and was part way down it.
Had she not been there he would have been dead.
He only uses coke, but because it was a hail Mary we used Narcan on him which doesn't work on coke but because so much of it is laced with fentanyl about 3 min of bagging him he was sort of alert and talking to us.
Gee, go figure what was his coke laced with, and he doesn't use it very often.
He had no idea what happened.
Even though he almost died, he still never stopped, and OD again.
It is a very slippery slope and from what the author has told us he is addicted, he has the paranoid behavior which only gets worse, until HE makes the decision that he wants to stop there is nothing anyone can do for him.
He is on a downward slope, which is sad, and it can and has ruined the addict's life and others around them.
And yes, I only see the bad end of it but everyone we talked to all started out as a casual user.

[Fireguy17]

it is still an addictive behavior pattern, which he already exhibits.
Cocaine, alcohol, paranoid, yep, a great mix that makes it fun to be around and it will only get worse.
Bail now before he takes you down any further.

[glennos89]

@asker Getting drunk causes more problems then snorting cocaine. If I had to choose which one I rather see my girlfriend using... it would be cocaïne. Drunk people do stupid shit and sometimes they even forget what happened if they are to drunk

[slatyb]

You have two choices -- you can accept it or you can end the relationship. People are able to use cocaine occasionally just as they can use alcohol occasionally. However, cocaine is illegal in most of the world so there could be legal consequences depending on the enforcement in your life.

[MysteriousDarkness]

Tell him how it makes you feel especially since it's illegal. On top of that he said he wouldn't try to stop you if you were to use cocaine. That means he doesn't care about you. The whole you wouldn't have known because it doesn't affect you is useless because you do know since he has told you.

What would you do if he gets hooked on it and needs to use it more often?
What would you do if he got arrested for using it?

[Asker]

He was on heroin and crack nefore meeting me
I fiscovered whole new world about him
He was proper junkie, hard drugs
Now he only takes whatvi said
So im really in shock im still processing

[Fireguy17]

process it without him in your life.
He is killing himself 1 hit at a time.
You stated it wrong when you say he was a proper junkie, he still is a proper junkie but for whatever reason you are in denial about it.
For your sake wake up, take a good hard look at him and yourself and your situation, you just either don't see it or don't want to see it.
There is nothing good that comes out of being an enabler, nothing in it for you at all.

[jahaims]

Other than coke being cut with fentyl frequently I don't see the issue. Doing coke 1 or 2 times a month isn't going to negatively impact anything. Do you actually know anything about the substance or are you just going off of stereotypes and hearsay.

[Asker]

What do you mean
Its wha he says he does

[Fireguy17]

all it takes is 1 hot load and the user is dead, doesn't matter if they use every day or once or twice a month.
Dead is still dead.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I tend to go for the "date non-druggies" advice most of the time.

[Asker]

I didn't know he is

[BoopBoopBeep]

I hear ya... sometimes people surprise you

[Fireguy17]

you said it yourself that he was an addict, and he still is.
You just don't want to see it for some reason.

[Anonymous]

You either keep quite about it or leave. What happened if it really did something to him physically? You going to take care of him? You’re just standing around watching him kill himself.

[Asker]

So what to do?

[Asker]

He said if he was on his own he would take more drugs
I kinda stop him in some sense
He used to smoke heroin
And quit it
Smoked crack too
Quit it

[Opinion Owner]

Again you willing to standby while the person you care about kills himself? I know it’s not an easy thing but you have to make that decision. Don’t make excuses for him. People always do that, especially women. She might day well yes he beats me but he gets me flowers, he cooks, etc, etc.

[Fireguy17]

he will take more drugs with or without you.
If you are "so" important to him, why doesn't he stop all together.
I will tell you why, he is a f'ing addict and will lie, cheat steal and do whatever it takes to get the next high.
You haven't stopped anything; you just closed your eyes to what is going on around you.
All he did was substitute 1 drug for another drug, you stopped nothing!
For your sake quit trying to rationalize it to yourself to justify his behavior.

[Hungryghostwriter]

1 or 2 times a month isn't that bad but if it bothers you that much then break up with him. Would it bother you if he was binge drinking once or twice a month instead of doing coke?

[Asker]

Honestly no
Becaue its kinda socially accepted to get drunk
I dunno what to say🤯😭😭

[Fireguy17]

Alcohol is a drug, while "socially accepted" it still has detrimental consequences.
Long term health issues, it can lead to being an alcoholic, (he has already demonstrated addictive traits) you could kill yourself or someone else, lose your job all sorts of things because of drinking.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

I read somewhere that coke is only bad / a health concern when it gets cut with something else. Real advice is end up having crack babies or move on - you can only truly control your own actions, so just decide if its a deal breaker for you

[RyanK9b]

Brake of.
He's a bum, drug addicts bring only problems

[Asker]

But he doesn't
That s the issue
If he doesn't tell
I would never know
It has no impact on me or us
😭

[RyanK9b]

Sooner or later it bounces back. Bc at some point he needs more, that requires more money and that requires more work or more commonly stealing stuffs.

Remember, addicts do EVERYTHING to get their next shot. They will at some point even steal from their loved ones to get their kick.

[Anonymous]

Accept it or shut up about it. I don’t know what it is with women and their urge to change men.

[Anonymous]

What can you do?

You either
A) let him do it
B) leave him
C) report him
D) taint a baggie somehow like powdered bleach

[AviatorTom]

Dump him

[Asker]

Why?

[Jmmmfi4]

I DON'T THINK THATS A BIG DEAL REALLY

[Asker]

Yeah it is... stop sarcasm

[Jmmmfi4]

ITS ONCE A MONTH... RELAX

[Asker]

F off

[Jmmmfi4]

NOW I SEE WHY HE DOES TWICE A MONTH LOL

[Fireguy17]

Once a month that she knows of.
Addicts never lie.
We will bring someone back after 2 or 3 rounds of Narcan, breathing for them and pumping their chest, and they are on a Narcan drip in their IV, and we ask them what they took.
Over 95% of the will deny taking anything.
We could give a crap what they took, but we need to know so we can treat them, but nope they stick to their story.
We have found them with the needle still stuck in their arm, and they still deny it.
All we get is I don't know how that got there.
Ya, addicts never f'ing lie.

[Anonymous]

You should not be tolerating that.

[Asker]

So just break up with him
Because he does smth i hate but it doesn't affect me 1 or 2 times a month?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, cut your losses now and move on.

[Asker]

But he doesn't hurt me
If he didn't tell me i wouldn't even know

[Opinion Owner]

Then stay with him.

[Asker]

Im confused😔🤯😭😢😭😭😭😭😭why nobody helps me

[Fireguy17]

many have tried, you just don't like thier advise.
You are trying to rationaize his behavior as being a good upstanding citizen that has done nothing wrong or will never do anything wrong or that will hurt you.
Go back a reread some of your posts what you have told us that he has done.
The choice is yours to make, not ours.
YOU have to decide what you will and will not put up with, it isn't up to us.
Either decision is not an easy one to make, however it comes down to what is healthy for you in the long run.
If you don't save yourself, how can you "save" someone else.
Who rescues the rescuer?
Life is all too short, why waste it on someone who doesn't care, but again you have received countless peoples advise, so now you have the decision to make, we cannot do that for you.
You, just like he is are responsible for your own actions.
So take it or leave it, it may not be easy, but it is time to decide what you will do.

[FenixG45]

Tell him to choose: coke or you. NOT BOTH! CHOOSE!

[Anonymous]

Threat him that u will break up if he did again

[Asker]

It doesn't work this way

[Opinion Owner]

So how its work?
If he smoke weed its better
But cocaine its a red flag!!

[AndreaH]

Horrible

[Asker]

Why is that

[Joker_]

alright lol

[Cheerfull009]

Better you quit him

[Asker]

But why
In reality it doesn't affect me
I wouldn't even know he does it if he didn't tell me
But im totally against drugs. what to do?