Is he a jerk? Or… was he trying to insult me?

[Anonymous]

I only wanted to be a placeholder and I didn’t want anything serious

[ChicoFromThe305]

Nope he sounds like he knows exactly what he's looking for, sounds like you didn't make it clear enough cause he doesn't seem like the type to be in your dms if he knew you were a waste of time to him.

[Asker]

Asking if I’m a lesbian and saying he doesn’t like expectations set….

But what guy would want to talk to you after they already saw “placeholder” in your bio… I made it clear that I would talk until he found someone else.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Maybe he didn't know what placeholder meant, I didn't until I read this, it sounds like a job position 😂

[ChicoFromThe305]

But either ways keep it going, y'all are looking for two different things

[Asker]

Well …. I’m starting to find him attractive.. I told him I was open to taking things slow…

But he doesn’t seem interested anymore ….

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well obviously not, he wants a long lasting relationship, guys that are serious on doing so know that women that like to have sex for fun is a waste of time, it's repulsive to good quality men, there's women out there that save themselves for a guy, no offense anon but it's only known that whores aren't good quality for marriage or relationships in general, hearing about friends with benefits casual sex or hookups, it's a red flag/deal breaker to relationship seekers, even when it comes to men sleeping around, like I said, y'all are looking for two different things.

[Asker]

I didn’t say I wanted casual sex… I said I just wanted to talk…. If he felt I was a whore why talk to me…

I told him that I want to protect my emotional well being at all cost. And that I don’t want to be used…. He asked what’s the safest way to interact with him

[ChicoFromThe305]

You put friends with benefits in the parenthesis, you do know what that means right, I'm sure that was enough to scare him away, unfortunately people would assume if you do friends with benefits then you do the other two as well, it's basically almost the same thing

[Asker]

So he just texted me after I asked him why he doesn’t seem interested anymore…. He said he just wants to be careful

[ChicoFromThe305]

Some advice tho, you shouldn't let the fear of having your emotions hurt get in the way of growing a bond with someone, that is a roadblock, if we fall we are suppose to get back up, not try preventing ourselves from falling, you learn from falling and make yourself better

[ChicoFromThe305]

And cool then y'all are chillin

[Asker]

Why did he say I’m being careful

[ChicoFromThe305]

Cause takes one to know one I guess

[Asker]

He ghosted me…

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well you should be at peace, you gave it your best shot, no biggie, now you have a further road ahead of you

[Asker]

I thought he was a good genuine man

[ChicoFromThe305]

I heard from women that those are hard to find nowadays, but don't let it keep you down, plenty of fish in the sea yk

[Asker]

True… just based off your comment I thought you were agreeing he was a guy who knows what he wants

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well I can't always be right lol but to be honest it's possible he does know what he wants and it's unfortunately not you, I mean it in the most genuine way possible, but find someone else where, he doesn't seem too compatible with you anyways.

[Asker]

I’m not good enough… I think he thinks I’m dumb and he’s not wrong… I think he talks to smarter women.

He can do better… but I feel like ghosting after a date is hurtful

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well it surely shows he doesn't have the balls to cut off a connection if he wanted too, I think you should move on, just forget what this guy wants and seek for something better elsewhere, don't get so caught up with this situation, the date didn't work out, I'm sure it happens to everyone.

[Asker]

He did give closure after multiple failed attempts of me reaching out…

He said he didn’t want to invest if we weren’t going to eventually have sx and he said he has other priorities… and he’s stressed….. etc he said we can check in every now and then… 🤨😑

[Asker]

He did offer some reassurance and said “there’s nothing wrong with you… you’re perfect “

[ChicoFromThe305]

Nah he's just full of it, he's chasing the meow meow for what it seems, see, he self sabotaged himself there, true colors, you are perfect but he's scared to commit, if you were so perfect for him why is he stalling on cuffing that perfect woman, it's all bolony, it's a manipulation tactic, it's as clear as day to me

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sunny day to be precise

[Asker]

I really can’t believe he really tried to trick me into possibly having sex. I did say on the date that I wanted to wait to have sex until marriage

But also we both kind of said we weren’t ready to have a relationship but I think he was lying

He was either already in one or he intentionally tried to sabotage the date bc he wasn’t feeling it

Idk… I’ve been trying to figure it out.. and I’m mad at myself for not saying how I really felt on the phone during our last talk…

I feel so depressed every time I think about bc I’m struggling to make peace with it

[ChicoFromThe305]

And it might take a while to make peace with it cause we are in a existance that all relies on time, but you'll find peace with it and you'll eventually even learn from it, evolve to something better from it.

[Asker]

Yeah….. do you think he was trying to just fuck after all?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I am convinced that is the case, yes, the you being perfect part is what makes it obvious when he said that because so perfect which is all good I'm sure you are a good catch and perfect for someone out there but then why isn't he cuffing is my question? Is he not right in the head or something cause thats usually what men are waiting for when they want to cuff, he just doesn't, all talk, no action, but all that and he's willing to toss you away now cause you refused to have sex with him? I honestly hope you are acting dumb here no lie cause it's pretty clear.

[Asker]

I think he has a girlfriend or something or maybe he really just didn’t click with me… also he could be gay… he’s 36… he followed a trans woman’s sex page

[Asker]

It’s just things started off so differently.. I was the one who didn’t want anything….. I just wanted to be a placeholder BUT no sex! I made that very clear since day one! He knew that… that’s why he’s puzzled… I told him that I was protecting my emotional wellbeing and he asked if I was emotional… then asked what’s the safest way to interact with me…

So it felt genuine… a guy who just wanted sex would dip right or he wants to see if I’ll give in? I’m confused

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't know but feel better anon and move on, at some point you'll find that person but I do recommend reading men better tho and remember if a guy is interesting in you truly and he actually sees the perfect compability with you, you keeping your leg closed through the early stages of your relationship won't be a problem, if anything, it might work to your advantage, I know women don't care much about purity and body count but most men that seek for serious relationship and are serious about the big steps and plan for marriage, they will most likely care about body count to a certain point, so I'd say maybe think about that as well, don't give yourself to these worthless men that are only chipping away your purity for their own satisfaction, set boundaries and respect yourself and your body and don't think you have to feel pressured to have sex with men to be 'enough' because I don't gotta know you to know you are, cause god made you and I know god makes everyone 'enough', you should know it too, not be out there trying to prove it, sexual intercourse will most likely come naturally as your bond gets stronger, don't rush anything, nothing good ever comes from rushing.

[Asker]

Thank you 🥹❤️ just so disappointed in him and it all unfolded… but I’m trying my best to move passes it

He did say he hopes I find a man who loves me the way I need/want… 😞

[Asker]

…. To be loved

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well I guess that's the first and most likely the only thing me and him can agree on, you'll find the guy for you tho, don't let this shake your confidence, there's good and bad apples in this world, more bad than good now, don't take it personal.

[Asker]

I hope I don’t sound pathetic but I really want to jump off a bridge… not bc of him but I’m just tired of never feeling good enough

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well bunjee jumping does sound pretty fun ☻🙃

Cheer up, nobody said love was gonna be easy but since when have you seen anything with good worth be easy to achieve or get, love is just another one of those wonderful things that require patience and time, it's normal to feel unmotivated at times when you fall off your feet in the journey but if you stay there sitting on your ass, you'll never get to the end, you gotta get yourself back up and keep going, don't quit, use this experience as a tool to further understand how to play your cards next time, now promise me you won't jump off a bridge

And if you do, promise me it will be with a bunjee cord 😆

[Asker]

I feel like you’re blaming

[ChicoFromThe305]

Blaming?

[Asker]

I did play my cards right and set a boundary

[ChicoFromThe305]

Did you sleep with this other guy?

[Asker]

No I’m a virgin

[ChicoFromThe305]

Now I'm confused, am I confusing you with the other anon again, I mixed the stories again I think

[ChicoFromThe305]

In that case I'm only telling you stuff you already know, sorry if it came off like a pointing fingers type of thing, just give yourself some time away and recover from this, he spent matter, he he his chance that that door closed boom, right Here, right Now, just closed from here move forward, not backwards

[ChicoFromThe305]

You seem to he nailing the rest of the stuff so good on you and happy searches on your lover.

[Asker]

….. I don’t think so

[ChicoFromThe305]

He doesn't matter, he had his chance*

[ChicoFromThe305]

You've gotta lighten up a bit, you are letting this unfortunate result of your date cloud your mind with negativity, you gotta fight that

[Asker]

You’re right

What does it mean if I dream that I had a baby by my childhood friend? I haven’t seen him in 7 years

[ChicoFromThe305]

Dreams don't always mean something but if I had to guess it just seems like you badly want a relationship, you think of it constantly so your brain probably created a fantasy to fill in some of that urge while you sleep and implanted it in a dream but I don't know about dreams like that tbh

[Asker]

I actually don’t want a relationship or a child like AT ALL

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then I just don't know

[Asker]

Okay