Friend showing romantic interest in me suddenly asking about past relationships and talking about not being stable to be in one?

[Finfin1981]

So male friend who flirts a lot we talk on the phone a lot (doesn’t live near me) tonight was asking me all about how long I’d been single for and why and many questions. He then started talking about him needing a proper job before being able to commit and his ex girlfriend wanting too much too soon etc and we had a deep conversation about this and suddenly from him being very affectionate it felt like I’d been friend zoned … what’s the deal?

Updates

+1 y

Hmm so he’s literally come on stronger since this happened and I left him to it for a few days then after a few days he contacted me and he has seriously escalated it from there!!

[Holsen]

Oh well that happens to me sometimes too like for people , sometimes when they want to express something the start by being more direct but as it progresses and reaches a new point where it need to be raised to a new level, people tend to play it safe and dismiss that pattern they seemed to have formed but still it serves the purpouse of letting you know he wants a girlfriend and most probably you as his but he may have been cautious or thought you may be too surprised angry or annoyed or like he was crossing the lime and instead to prevent one of those scenarios he just dropped it a bit!!

[ChicoFromThe305]

No you haven't been friendzoned, I've studied the friendzone enough to know that if you were in the friend zone, these deep questions wouldn't come up, him asking these questions is like putting your toe in the water to test the temperature, he's testing the waters with you, he's gathering information to see if you qualify as someone valid for him, friend zone is more like hearing his stories and all he does is open up to you about his problems and the deep conversations y'all have aren't about you, it's either about him or another topic completely unrelated to y'all, him being interest in you is a sign of you maybe being a friend but you are a woman he would date if he likes your answers, he's doing the 'getting to know' you step while being friends with you.

[Anonymous]

Many friendships between men and women are a lie with an undercurrent of sexual attraction. The pretense always creates a problem. What you are seeing here is him using you as an emotional pillow due to frustration caused by his current dating situations. Once those emotional issues have been expressed, then you feel friend zoned because he can get back to how he used to be (until next time).

[Finfin1981]

Hi can you clarify a bit? Emotional pillow as in he is using my attention to validate himself and feel better but no intentions for anything to happen between us?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it appears he was using you for emotional support to validate and feel better with no intentions (but that it is usually sexual support). If he had real intention he would make it known and you would never feel 'friend zoned'.

[Alex8736]

It's not you (trust me on that) but every year right after Thanksgiving going into the new year people tend to get very desperate And don't want to be single but the moment we enter the new year they will end up ghosting. As a word to the wise STAY SINGLE and focus on you and your family 🎅

[Finfin1981]

Not in America so not Thanksgiving

[Finfin1981]

He won’t ghost we’ve been friends for a very long time and I suspect we always will be in each others lives

[Alex8736]

Your better off as friends cuz relationships can kill a friendship

[nawtee_me]

I don’t think you were friend zoned as much as he is insecure and doesn’t want you to let him go completely. Better to be a friend that can move back into the picture when he gets things together. You might just reassure him

[Finfin1981]

Ok that’s an interesting perspective as I absolutely know he likes me so how do I play this?

[nawtee_me]

I think you should talk with him and let him know that certain things like a job is important but as long as he is looking and not a couch potato then he is doing his part. There are more important things to a relationship like communication which it sounds like you two have.

[spartan55]

How does a 'male friend' put you in the friendzone?

[Finfin1981]

Well it’s complicated as it’s always been a bit more than that in that he liked me before and w meet up recently and clearly there’s note to it than just friebdship from both sides and it was moving out of the friend zone and it felt like a set back tonight… he really wanted to talk about feelings and wanting to be in a relationship etc but not wanting to get it wrong and he wanted to draw from
Y experienced and what I thought so it felt like we were back in the friend zone if that makes sense?

[spartan55]

No, maybe he was asking you because he wants to level up your friendship.

[Finfin1981]

What do you mean?

[spartan55]

What do you mean what do I mean? You should make a move on him.

[Finfin1981]

I’m sure he’s freaking out about now about his life and instability in it I’m not sure the person who sits and gives him some perspective and rationale oh things is the right person to now overwhelm him ! 🤣

[spartan55]

I thought women were experts at reading hints and all that...🤔

[Finfin1981]

How is that a hint? Lol

[spartan55]

Just make a move on him.

[Finfin1981]

It’ll be on your head when it all goes wrong !! 🤣 I was thinking about writing a letter …

[spartan55]

I will take the heat, I'm very sure on this one. Why not in person? Much more powerful.

[Finfin1981]

Because I won’t be seeing him for a while … like 2 months

[spartan55]

Then why are you even bothering?

[Finfin1981]

Because I like him he doesn’t live close to me though

[spartan55]

That's your choice, but long distance is a non starter for me.

[Finfin1981]

It does give an added complication I guess

[spartan55]

Ya think?

[Finfin1981]

You were right

[Finfin1981]

He’s taken things up a level … unbelievable how did you know? He’s even booked extra trips to come and see me

[spartan55]

I'm a guy. I know how guys think.

[spartan55]

I'm happy for you!