Have feelings yet in limbo with ex-girlfriend who isn't committal/giving mixed signals


I'm (27 M) in relationship limbo with my ex (26 F)--we dated for a while last year but parted ways since she wasn't ready for a relationship and wasn't sure she could commit. We didn't talk for a few months but I reached out to her since I missed her and wanted to be in her life--I care about her deeply and wanted to try out being friends again. We are hanging out again but she made it clear she doesn't want a relationship yet whenever we hang out we end up going on "dates" and she acts like a girlfriend (wanting to cuddle/hold hands/etc).

I'm getting mixed signals since I know she doesn't want to date/be in a relationship but she's acting very affectionate with me--I'm starting to get feelings for her but I feel like I'm in limbo, maybe she's just keeping me along for security/comfort? I want your thoughts on how I can break the cycle and possibly rekindle a relationship with her in the future--I know it isn't healthy for us to be cuddling/romantically involved without being in a relationship.


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  • Maybe she's just testing the waters and toying with the idea of being together again. Although sparrow24 states a good point, I would give it more time and see if it evolves into a fully bloomed flower. You never know, good things take time.

    • Gotcha. I'm hoping she is trying to "figure out if being together" but honestly, she isn't putting much effort (she calls once a week if that)--maybe I'm just attached and overreacting since we aren't technically dating, but its just confusing. Not sure if I should give it time or just break off contact/limit contact

    • Follow her lead, don't put in much effort either. If she misses you, she'll look for ya. Good luck!

  • It sounds like she's just using you. Break off contact. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, that's immature. I know it'll be hard, but she clearly doesn't want to be with you the way you want to be with her and this setup is going to keep you a slave.

    • Thanks! One thing that really confuses me is that she keeps reiterating that "I mean a lot to her" and she spends time with me, but it's on her own terms. Should I just tell her I don't want to talk to her, which to be honest sounds a bit dramatic/immature, or just break off contact? I'm hoping she one day matures--maybe not for me but for her own good--but unsure how to continue

    • I'd just be completely honest with her. Tell her you don't like her jerking you around. If she just wants to be friends, then she shouldn't be leading you on like that. If she wants more than friendship, then she should go for it. If she wants neither, then you should just stay away from her.

    • True--I want to have that talk with her but it's just that every time I bring up feelings I feel clingy/foolish--we aren't technically dating so it feels that I'm overreacting? I was the one who actually wanted to try out being friends but I guess it was too much for me--I hate having this convo over and over with her since it just makes me feel foolish afterward for thinking there was more than that. Should I just break off contact completely or slowly limit contact

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