My boyfriend told me he envies his brothers because they have supportive wives and I feel a little offended?

Question

My boyfriend told me this out of the blue-we hadn’t had any disagreement beforehand. I felt like, well I’m you’re girlfriend and you’re telling me you envy your brothers wives? What about me, aren’t I a good girlfriend?

Am I wrong to be a little upset?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Aw, I can see why that would bug you! Telling you he envies his bros' wives outta nowhere is kinda messed up.

I'm sure you try your best to be supportive too, so hearing him say that must hurt. No wonder you're feelin kinda offended.

If it were me, I'd let him know that wasn't cool to say. Be like "I try hard to be a good girl too ya know, so it sucked hearing you say you envied their wives instead of appreciating me."

Maybe he didn't mean it as an insult, but he at least owes you an apology for not thinking how it'd make you feel. From now on he should show you more gratitude for all the ways you're there for him.

Definitely talk it out and get some reassurance he doesn't take you for granted. If he can't see why that stung, might be time to reevaluate things. But hopefully it was just a dumb mistake and he'll make it up to ya!

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Well, that has a few ways to unpack that. First, two things can be true at the same time. Was it perhaps an insensitive comment to make? Maybe. Was he being passive-aggressive? Also, maybe. Should you pay attention to this comment? Absolutely and do so in equal parts of what it means to you AND what it means to him.
It also may be a golden opportunity for you do grow and develop as a couple and have a positive learning moment to develop communication. Shut him down too hard or with too much passion and he may clam up and keep his feelings to himself next time which is far more dangerous in the long run.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

Maybe he envies them being married. 🤷🏻‍♀️ first thing is you’re his girlfriend hot wife. And wnythjng more we dk bc he was being cryptic. Which isn’t good. If you say something potentially offending it should be followed up by explanation.

did you ask him —anything. We can’t tell you why he did what he did bc we are not him. From the limited info I’d say he’s either misunderstood bc he didn’t make himself understood or he’s intentionally manipulative. neither is great but obviously one is better.

does he often say stuff with no back up?

do you often avoid asking him for clarification?

ad for whether you or he is “supportive” I don't know but I do know you both suck at communicating and I think it’s fairly difficult to be supportive if you’re walking in egg shells.

RageBabe · Accepted Answer

Even reading the title leaves me feeling desperately sad. I'm sorry he said that to you. The only thing I can say is for you to convey to him how it made you feel, and hopefully he will sincerely apologise and not repeat it.

JacobJordan · Answer

Well this is rather interesting. On one hand one can state that his statement made you feel insecure and question if you are a good partner. On the other hand one could also state that you got upset because what he said resonated with a feeling you have deep down that perhaps you may not be doing enough. Not here to judge either way so I'll ask the following. Do you feel that you are doing enough? Does he actually know how much (or little as the case may be) you do for him? Have you told him how much you appreciate him?

Might come as a surprise but we do like to hear that we are appreciated and loved because we don't hear it that much.

If you feel you are doing enough than you should talk to him about what he thinks you aren't doing and should be that makes him envious of his brothers wives. He may just not be realizing he has that as well due to the whole "grass is greener on the other side"

Anonymous · Answer

Since you're anonymous so am I Well apparently maybe you should emulate their example so you can get that happy shiny $5,000 ring on your finger maybe a little bling bling. So take that offense and get to work and inprove yourself maybe you're just a c** dumpster to him maybe you need work You could be better I don't know maybe he's a flaming dic k It will be kind of cool if we can have both sides of the story on this website that would make things interesting That's why those Maury povich shows are so popular.

AutumnSerenity · Answer

Hearing that would not feel great for anybody. He’s obviously wanting you to do more of something but he’s not being very transparent about what that “something” is. Ask him what you can do to make him happy, right after you ask him for an apology. There’s no handbook for relationships. You’re trying your best and communication is vital.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

That depends are you supportive or combative? Are you his oasis giving him peace and quiet when he gets home or constantly on his ass about trival issues such as worried about being supportive not to put too fine a point on it.

Apparently he has seen behaviors in you he doesn't like and he doesn't see in their relationships. Maybe it is time to self reflect.

kuffs · Answer

I see how you can be offended. I am sorry. Look at his sister-in-laws though. See if they are doing something your not. Also, tell him that hurt when he said that and ask him in honesty what you can do to be more supportive.

spartan55 · Answer

Maybe you aren't supportive. You obviously think everything is about you so...

Anonymous · Answer

Don’t know can’t say if you have a right to feel that way. Are you a really good girlfriend? Do you feel as though you’re similar in comparison to his brothers’ wives as far as how they treat them? Take care of them?

Amara_09 · Answer

If I were you, I would go and find out how supportive his brother’s wives are

andreasderjuengere · Answer

He may have meant that he wishes for the same kind of wife. And-well- you could be the candidate...

Pohjolan · Answer

Women:  We want men to be more emotionally vulnerable with us! *Men are more emotionally vulnerable.* Women:  Not like that!

Anonymous · Answer

Could it be that he was trying to see what you'd think about being his wife?

exitseven · Answer

That was an insensitive comment. Maybe think if you are supportive of him. Not all girlfriends are.

ColHathi · Answer

No, I would be offended too, lol. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it, though that seems unlikely ^^ Did you ask him what he meant by that?

McLlovin · Answer

Thats very feminine of him to be passive aggressive. If thats what he ment to do.

Anonymous · Answer

If my girlfriend said to me I would ask what can I do to ensure that she feels supported, and would work on it until I got it right, the last thing I would do is make it about me.

Anonymous · Answer

Could be two-fold Either he's pissed because you're not supportive or he's pissed you're not his wife

HouseMoat · Answer

Likely isn't "supportive", probably something deeper, and is just not telling you

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Clearly an underlying issue

Staximus · Answer

Well are you supportive or not?

Anonymous · Answer

Well, tell him how it made you feel.

My boyfriend told me he envies his brothers because they have supportive wives and I feel a little offended?

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My boyfriend told me he envies his brothers because they have supportive wives and I feel a little offended?

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Why is it that the brothers of my boyfriend often feel seem delighted when we are together with their brother?

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