Why does he always ask me if i'm ok, why i'm giving him attitude, etc... when i'm just keeping my boundaries to protect myself?

[Anonymous]

he acts emotionally insecure around me, and he's always thinking that i'm giving him attitude, just because i'm trying to distance myself for a while. How should I deal with this situation?

[ManOnFire]

Okay, so why are you trying to distance yourself? What has caused this? Why are you needing to protect yourself and keep your boundaries? Is this a boyfriend? Husband? Friend?

[Asker]

he used to be my bestfriend, until his wife asked him to stop talking to me. I was devastated and sobbed like a baby when it happened and so i cut him out too, until he started reaching out to me again. I told him that i'm really hurt that he hid our friendship from his wife, and that he didn't respect his boundaries.
After reaching out to me, he started making silly jokes and jokingly bullying me, and i politely asked him to stop. One day he asked me a personal question, so i told him "i'm not telling you cause you make fun of everything i say, and use it against me". It's a very sticky situation. HIs wife hates me and thinks of me as a threat, even though he was just a great friend to me. I can't get why she thinks of me as a threat.

[ManOnFire]

I see. She's concerned about him being so close to another female, which I could maybe understand on her front. But at the same time he made the mistake of not telling her about you, and now he's bullying you and stuff probably because he feels like shit about the whole thing and is projecting it on you.

How do you feel about staying connected to him?

[Asker]

oh this makes sense. You think he feels like shit about the entire situation, and is actually trying to fix things, but is in contrast projecting his guilt on me?

[ManOnFire]

I don't know if he's actually trying to FIX it, but he is projecting his guilt on you, yeah. Fixing it would be making amends with his wife - and you, but he already knew what he was doing by not telling her about you. So I kinda don't think he has any excuse. I could be wrong, but that is what I think.

[Asker]

yeah his wife thought he likes me and that if things went on, it would lead on to something later.

[ManOnFire]

That is my same thought as well. Especially if a man is hiding his female friend from his wife.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you considered simply telling him what you are thinking and how you are feeling instead of giving him attitude (which is always perceived as hostile?)

[Staximus]

You think somebody is not going to notice when you're distancing yourself from them?

[Ruenella_]

He cares about his friendship.