Boyfriend keeps bringing up my past reltionships?

[Angel3000]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a while and I am his first girlfriend. I have dated guys before him but I was a teen when it happened and he forgets about it for a while and randomly brings it up. I didn't do anything bad or extreme and I never lied about it. I dont know what to do I feel like I am constantly in trial? I always reassure him and I changed a lot for him. I always felt bad about it but I didn't even know he existed at the time. Any advice?

[Levin]

I think the fact that you feel guilty about this is very telling. You haven't done anything wrong, you've just had some relationships. Yet this guy is secure and projecting his insecurities on you. And the kind of person you are, maybe not sure of yourself or have insufficient boundaries, you're taking all his crap on board. The correct boundaried approach would be to comfortable in your past, and tell him he needs to sort his head out/ seek therapy, otherwise you guys can't continue like this. You must value yourself because his behaviour is emotinally abusive. Boundaries means there consequences when people transgress them.

[spartan55]

What is he bringing up?

[Angel3000]

Just the fact that i was in relationships before him and how I will never be fully his. Although he was my first in almost everything and he is my longest relationship.

[spartan55]

He's insecure, how old is he?

[Angel3000]

We are both 20. I don't know how to fix this

[spartan55]

Listen, there isn't much you can do. It's something he will hopefully grow out of. I was not a good guy at that age. Extremely immature and selfish.

[Angel3000]

Thank you for your response :)

[spartan55]

I hope it works out for you.

[Angel3000]

I hope so too

[spartan55]

Let me know if I can help you further.

[Angel3000]

I kinda have an update? He is in japan rn and said that i think i miss you more than usual because i dont think of your exes when im with you. I asked if he is insecure about anything he said he isn't.

[spartan55]

Well that's a lie

[mandyfire98]

His insecurities are going to destroy the relationship. He needs help

[Anonymous]

A woman is supposed to make a man feel better about himself, so you're being with other guys makes him feel like other guys have known you that way and for a man, that's the worst. A relationship man wants a woman who's only his. No decent guy wants a girlfriend that other guys have done sexual things with before him, especially if he's a virgin himself.

[Levin]

Then they should break up if he can't accept her. Why even get into that relationship in the first place? Only to condemn and shame your partner. And having a man who is only his is unrealistic in today's world. Unless you make some kind of religious commitment to that in childhood. But then you hear down the line that the girl was taking it up the bum to retain her 'virginity' and omited this information before they got married. There was a post like that on here a few days ago. In any case, the guy is likely just insecure.

[Levin]

And incidentally, that's not to say I advocate sluttery or loose morals. There is some middle ground here.

[Opinion Owner]

@Levin "insecure" is just something pathetic people say when they have no counter arguments. It's feminist gaslighting.

[Levin]

That's ironic because you didn't provide a proper counter argument. I agree that 'insecurity' idea often is feminist gaslighting. But you haven't provided a rationale why sex within healthy and stable relationships is bad. Is there a reason you went anon? At your age I presume you are either married or a virgin?

Incidentally, it's unfortunate that the power dynamics within male and female dating is all skewed. Often women can get relationship and have sex with ease, a lot of men meanwhile struggle.

[Opinion Owner]

@Levin My opinion is my counter argument and the fact that pre feminism, men could actually have standards and demanded women be theirs only. It's modern leftist society that has marginalized men's natural instincts of possessiveness and competitiveness over women as something bad. It's natural for men not to want his woman to have been with other men. Modern day cucks and weak feminist guys are the byproduct of 50 years of feminist indoctrination.

[Levin]

Well, I actually kind of agree with you. There is definitely an unconscious pressure to lower standards and cuck-ize. Fortunately I woke up to that before making any grave mistakes.

However, there are large practical problems with the just 'one type' of thing. Most relationships break down as people learn about themselves and move into higher states of consciousness. Who we want to be around often changes.

[Angel3000]

As i said, i have not done anything. I was really young at the time. I also distanced myself from all types if male attention like i cut off dudes and deleted social media accounts so I don't know

[Surely]

If your past is bothering him now. He will probably haunt you with it forever. Tell him to let it go or you will let him go!

[Angel3000]

I told him that the second time he brought it up but he said he doesn't want to break up. I don't know thank you for the response tho

[scooogy]

He could become part of it if he's such a fan.

[LazerBean]

Either break up or suck it up.

[Angel3000]

How do i suck it up?

[LazerBean]

Deal with it, accept that he will always slightly resent you

[Angel3000]

Thank you for your response

[LazerBean]

Any time

[slatyb]

Yes, dump him and date someone less annoying.