Let’s call this man Joe. Joe and I started to date when I was 20 and he was 25, we lasted four years but there were many many indescretions on his part. We broke up for a few years and got back together about 2.5 years ago. In the time that we were broken up I had one boyfriend and also one guy who I did have sex with whoever it didn’t work out and we would just hang out. Now since we have been back together he constantly constantly wants to take about my past, he went into my phone and found out my number is 4 men besides him and has made me talk about ex relationships so much more so that I feel like my exes are a part of my life more than he is. I had sex with someone I didn’t love, perhaps I was being used which is what he likes to tell me. I am being called whore, garbage, cunt, slut and trash non stop. He tells me he won’t be seen in public with me and can’t take me serious because of how I’ve shamed my body basically. I have never cheated on this man but I am accused of cheating often. I know that his number of women he’s slept with is around 200 which I think just goes to show that he doesn’t think of women as humans but flesh. Sometimes he will get so angry talking about my past and interrogating me that he will slap me across the face or push me or shake me. I feel like no I’m not the perfect person but I don’t feel like I deserve to be crucified over other relationships or the one fuck friend over and over. I am in no way attracted to anyone but him but he makes me hate myself and he doesn’t even understand the ramifications of being called names everyday. He refuses to touch me in public as like a way of punishing me. Is there a way at all to change his way of thinking and accept the past as I have done for him. I’m beyond frustrated of spending all of my time talking about who I had sex with 5 years ago, where it was, how long did we date, what colour shirt I was wearing, did we exchange money, where did we go on dates like enough.
Leave this guy.. he doesn't love you and you deserve better.. he's a piece of shit!!! id never tolerate that treatment! My man never once asked me about my past.. I told him about one guy for his own protection but I've dated since then he said hed kill my family and any man I tried to be with if I left him and make sure I had a slow painful dealth.. so I told every guy when we began dating about him so if they didn't want to risk it id understand.. I see this piece of shit just getting worse.. leave him dont ever go back.. you have nothing to feel guilty about I bet he did worse than you.. we are all trying to make the best decisions for our lives and sometimes we dont agree.. he obviously seems jealous you have a friend with benefits and I bet you anything that man would treat you better.. I have had friends with benefits more than 1... I've had 5... I am no slut.. he's shaming you for no reason.. I have had a lot more boyfriends than my man has had girlfriends he doesn't shame me.. he didn't even ask me how many guys I have dated.. he knows when my last relationship was and I know his.. he's been single last 10 years abd having one night stands.. I was single 7 months and never had a one night stand... I gotta have a connection first.. never had sex on a first date everyone I have had sex with I have cared about.. I was worried his one night stands would mean hed cheat but he told me.. he couldnt find someone with the qualities he wanted like I have didn't see a point in dating until he found what he wanted but since he had sex young he was 12 he craved it so he said everyone knew it was just sex.. for me I had a list then every guy I weigh pris and cons to my list then think if it was workable when I was younger as I got older I stuck to my list.. younger me bounced from guy to guy but I didn't have sex until I was 22.. by that time I realized I couldnt change a guy he is who he us I either accept it or I dont.. I didn't find everything I wanted until I met him.. We both decided wed rather be alone before we met each other..
Trust me there's plenty of men out there this guy is garbage.. I wouldn't tolerate name calling or having to explain my past I dint remember what I wore yesterday how am I suppose to remember 5 years ago.. this guys concepts are horrible.. told you above because my man and I had different concepts but we never name called or put the other one down.. him being ashamed of you in public he's a fucking piece of shit.. im sorry but your love should be directed towards a guy who will treat you like the treasure you are!!
I can't believe you're in a relationship with this guy. I'm reading your story and it blows me away. You do understand someone who treats you like that is not a good person to be involved with, right? Unless you are trying to be miserable.
Things you wrote: ". I am being called whore, garbage, cunt, slut and trash non stop... he won’t be seen in public with me... can’t take me serious... he doesn’t think of women as humans but flesh... he will slap me across the face... push me... shake me... he makes me hate myself... refuses to touch me in public... punishing me..."
This is emotional and physical abuse. Striking you (slap, push, shake) are criminal actions (assault) and he can be arrested for doing these things. I don't know what you don't understand about this situation. He is fucking you up every day you're with him you are having your grave dug for your happiness and any hope of finding real love or joy.
What you wrote is equivalent to someone writing a story about their bank and saying "I'm trying to fix some problems with my bank. Every time I deposit money with them, they steal it and tell me I owe them more. They charge me for things I didn't do and bounce my checks and charge me returned check fees when I have money in the bank to pay for everything. I went into the bank and they slapped me around and called me a whore. They took all my money and threw me out of the bank. I only like banking at this bank and I'm trying to find a solution to this problem. Is there a way to convince my bank to give my money back?" <--- if this seems ridiculous, that's because it is.
Just like you would tell this person it is obvious they need a different bank (and maybe even need to file criminal charges against their current bank), I am telling you that you need to get away from this guy (RUN, don't walk!) and either be alone or find someone else. This guy is nothing but trouble and misery.
Don't he with him. If your partner one day is an ass and controlling out of just heat of the moment, but the next day realizes they fucked up and tries to do better. That's okay, since everyone messes up from time to time. As long as they acknowledge their mistake and genuinely communicate with you.
He's just being very insecure and controlling right now while also not being considerate of your feelings. For me, my girlfriend has a past I don't like hearing about too much, but I let it be known respectfully. I never insulted her over it though. Your boyfriend is just treating you very wrong and I guarantee he'll do it again in the future with something else.
You may find what I'm about to say as harsh, but this is too often that I hear about messy relationships like this:
Uhhh that's the man you chose, let's start with that. He goes through your phone, "makes" you talk about your past relationships, yells at you, and harms you. There's not much was can say besides, you should've been left this man where you found him. I don't know if the both of. You are still together, but there's nothing any of us can do. Stop putting up with his tantrums and go.
There's nothing I can say, besides you chose poorly and just have to take a positive from this negative.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Women often ignore blatant red flags like this one because they love the person, want to find the good in them, and are hopeful they will change and the relationship will work out for the best. The problem with this is you are sacrificing your peace and joy for temporary moments of pleasure which will inevitably end in prolonged periods of peace. He has given you a gift by showing you his true colors. You can either choose to stay and be manipulated further or leave him and move forward with your life by finding a man who truly loves and appreciates you. Your husband is your future. Think to yourself, is a mentally and physically abusive man someone you want to be with? Get married to? Have kids with? Look at the facts. Think with your head not your heart. That way you will do what’s best for you and save yourself suffering and time you will never get back.
I think u need to leave his ass there’s no excuse for a man to talk to u like that or treat u like that u guys weren’t together when u were with the other guys he probably feels guilty for what he did when u were separated so don’t let him make u feel like a slut whore or any of the other things that he’s trying to make u feel put your foot down and walk out the door
I know this isn’t your question, but he sounds abusive and even with the concept of stranded cost, you likely deserve better.
Stranded cost: sinking tons of money into a fruit machine in hopes that it will eventually pay off after you’ve already wasted so much time and money in the meanwhile.
Drop him. Block him on everything and move on. You don't need that manipulative shit in your life
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Just leave.
He has serious problems with his own self esteem and that is why he is incapable of believing that you would choose him over other men, the saddest part of which is that this is of course a self forfilling prophecy, because he treats you like crap and there is no trust and trust is the basis of any kind of relationship.
You will never be your own person as long as you are in this type of relationship. Get as far away from him as possible and begin you own life. Why did you even go back to a guy like that? If he is striking you now, it probably will only keep getting worse. GOOD LUCK!
Just be honest and transparent with him about your past (if you have not been before, you should have been in the first place) and let him make his choice: if he stays, he should drop it and not continually bring it up; if he walks away, let him go and move on.
Yeah its gross. He can do better. I tried this once and she wasn't nearly as slutty as you and it still didn't work. I didn't harass her but i just didn't treat her special anymore because well she wasn't special anymore. But now my girlfriend waited for me and im so much happier.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
He's breaking you down so he can own you. If you let this shit echo around in your head, you're gonna feel worthless and dependent on him for everything. He's doing it on purpose so you don't leave, which he doesn't want to happen because you're the perfect victim.
So the choice is yours: you can stay and deal with the cheating, lying, and abuse. Or you can go find someone who's worth a shit and be happy.
I’ve slept with 4 men he has slept with apparently 200 women. I’m not an angel, and throwing the word Whore around is so vague. I’m a whore in what way, what classifies me as this, I’m not saying I’m not but I’m saying what am my post screams Whore
You have to get away from him girl. That ain't no man, as he clearly doesn't love you and is only beating you down for not doing what he wants. Ain't nothing your fault. Move on forward, never back.
You don't have to be a good person to have sex with lots of women. In fact, you can be a nazi or a self described pedophile and have them line up around the block begging for your dick.
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