Why is he so concerned about my past?

Question

he guy I'm currently dating keeps bringing up my sexual history ever since I opened up to him about it. The reason I told him was because I wanted to be honest to him about my past and how I made a few mistakes. I keep telling him that it was my past and I'm over it and I cut off contact with the two guys I was previously involved with, yet he still asks me detailed questions about the sex

He always gets upset after we have had the conversation and isn't as talkative afterwards, and seems sad and more distant with me, but then he usually picks up and is himself again.

One time he spent an hour and a half asking me about my sex life with my ex and he asked me 'was there anyone else?' He also asked me if I still spoke to any of those guys and if there had been anyone else who I was involved with

Why is he so concerned about my past?

FýrdracaDócincel · Accepted Answer

I went through a situation similar to this one not too long ago, except I was in your boyfriend's place.

Coming from a guy's point of view, his mindset when it comes to your past is composed of two parts. Depending on how confident he is in the relationship, the amounts can vary.

On one hand, he is slightly upset and paranoid about the mark your exes left on you in a sexual sense.

On the other, learning more about your past is a very alluring and potentially sexy as all hell thing for him.
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Let's start with the first component.

Have you ever wondered why guys seem to like girls with less experience? They'll tell your things like they have tighter vaginas or they don't have as much risk for STDs. In actuality, the truth is that girls with less experience are clean slates. We as guys want to make a lasting effect on you. So, even if you leave us and become physically involved in another dude, we will still be in the back of your mind, subtly calling you back whenever he touches you. This also extends to how we've effected your tastes in the bedroom. If what we did to you has a long term effect on what you want to do with other guys down the road, it doesn't matter who it is, you'll always belong to us.

And that also causes a bit of fear. In his mind, these guys already left their branding on you. You may claim to have let it go, and he may claim to believe you. I guarantee he doesn't. In his mind, whatever these guys did to you has already become a part of you. He didn't cause this desire in you. Those other guys did. You're just taking it out on him because you can no longer have your past men.
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Now as for the second component.

There is a chance that another reason he wants to know so much about what you did is because it would turn him on to know. Believe it or not, a lot of guys get very horny when hearing stories about you with other guys.

BUT, a big mistake is confusing this with the cuckold fantasy. It's not. In a cuckold fantasy, the arousal comes from the fact that you were/are with other guys at the same time. This is completely different. In this situation, the arousal comes from finding out just how nasty you are beneath the surface. It doesn't mean he would be turned on at another man fucking you. It doesn't mean he wouldn't be devastated if you were disloyal. It simply means that he knows there's a dirty side to you and the thought of unlocking it makes him hard.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He wants to know what kind of girl you really are. You have to demonstrate that you have standards. A lot of your past can tell him where you're priorities lie and if your trustworthy or not. Because every guy with their head on straight wants a girl who is reserved with her body. A good girl who will be bad ONLY for him

CheerGirl38139 · Accepted Answer

You over shared. He's insecure. He's probably not going to change. It's likely that it will get worse and not better, because what's now in his mind is probably much different then reality.

You're probably going to need to point that the past is the past. Either he can move on and not keep obsessing over it, or he can't. Either way, you can't change it. So... if he can't deal with it, you both might as well move on.

Good luck. ✌

Alyssa1111 · Accepted Answer

he's really jealous and kinda seems possessive...
I think you should speak to him and tell him that its not fair on you - you werent with him when you slept with other guys so he has no right to get all protective?
Tbh he should accept your past if he's a good guy and really likes you.

depeche2015 · Accepted Answer

he's insecure and jealous. i did the same thing as him. just don't talk about it anymore with him and change the subject and tell him you love him and don't care about the past anymore. he needs reassurance.

RationalMale · Answer

Simple. If you're looking at a girl, and you're considering her for a relationship, then her past matters because you're going to be investing in her. You don't want some girl that was a party slut or had threesomes, etc.

It's like--I was dating a girl, and I wanted a serious relationship with her. She had one past partner, literally. I really liked that.

Yesterday I went out with a girl who's been with eight people. I don't care at all. Because I already wasn't interested in a real relationship with her, just someone to go out with now and then.

Tdieseler · Answer

Lol thats fun. You should be familiar and more accepting about this shouldn't you? i mean, isn't that what women do? ask questions they really shouldn't ask, then get upset about the answer... right up your alley.
Thought you'd be celebrating that you have found a match.
Oh wait, you arent? probably because its not FUN to be on the Receiving end.

Red_Arrow · Answer

Both sexes have an interest in their partner's past, but not to such depth and obsession as this guy. My wife and I discussed our pasts and then moved on. That discussion was soon after we met, and from that time on it was never a concern and never brought up again.

Both of us had some "bad things" in our pasts, but they were in our past and did not define who we were after that. We moved on and were happy. If someone cannot leave the past in the past, you need to get away from them.

John182 · Answer

My ex did the same thing, it becomes laborious having to reassure them all the time, justifying who you talk to on WhatsApp or down the gym or even at your job... People will tell you it's because they love you, and that's true... But jealously is a bad emotion.

MObie · Answer

He is insecure about him self. All men or most men want to know about their significant others history for I think a few reasons. Fort to see if she has pushed boundaries so they can try. Second is we fear you think we're duck comparatively. If he always asks he's has been told he's not the best. Now if he asks for details the thought of you being ducked might turn him on.

balcora84 · Answer

He's the jealous type and insecure about his own performance in comparison to your ex's. This is a warning sign of bigger problems down the road.

FakeName123 · Answer

Sexual loose behaviour is directly linked to mental instability, bonding issues and drastical reduecs the longevity of relationships.

Guys react to it naturally and have instinctively an issue with it - except if they are manwhores themselves.

Gopzz · Answer

He might wanna make sure that you are a virgin. coz some guys really care about it..
or else , he might have a girlfriend cheated him and left with someone else so that he wants to make sure u won't do that..

ThisDudeHere · Answer

This is just something you have to deal with - many guys will take issue with your past.

spicy3 · Answer

He is insecure about himself and feels like he might not be able to perform as well as your ex

hyruleanwarrior · Answer

cuz a lot of girls thots and he figures hr isn't as good so he's concerned

ProjectBaby1K · Answer

He's not "insecure". Any man that thinks with the right head (not the one between his pants) will care about his SO's past.

Daniizaguy · Answer

He might have had a bad history too. Or it took him off guard. ,

Marinepilot · Answer

He's insecure about it. Men know that women have been  sexual in the past. We don't like thinking about it. It's the way we are wired.

Inkked · Answer

jealous, controlling, insecure, egotistical... all red flags

Anonymous · Answer

He's probably more concerned with penis size. Guys can get hung up on that kind of stuff. We're the much bigger than your current guy?

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he just likes hearing about it. Me an my girlfriend talk about her past sex all the time

Anonymous · Answer

when a guy is constantly asking that question, then it generally means that he feels he might not live up to your sexual experiences

Bandit74 · Answer

Did you have a threesome?

Anonymous · Answer

ask him why did he get upset and u will find out

Why is he so concerned about my past?

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