What do I do? My boyfriend snaps at me constantly and always brings up the past?

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that when my boyfriend and I got together we probably werent ready. we were both addicted to drugs and we both had a lot going on in our lives. For the first 3 mths I was detached and off with guy friends doing drugs. I never cheated but I know I made him feel horrible. I was away getting clean and he was suppose to be to but he was screwing around, partying and hanging with girls. he said he doesn't care he wanted to be spiteful. so after all of this we are together and we areclean. he has anger problems he's always accussing me of being up to something. Eiether through the internet or texts. he's paranoid. He throws the past in my face. I think he does it because I don't do it back to him. He always has a reason for calling me horrible names and punching holes in the walls. I think he has a disorder. when I try to talk to him he loses it and turns it around on me. I can't deal with his anger all the time. he is a real psycho, but he has a good heart. He will yell and talk over people, talks to himself, lies, he always thinks I'm lying and he distrusts everyone. he's so jealous, to the point where he will call my girlfriends horrible names and tell me why they are so bad. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess the worst part of it all is how he snaps and its for nothing, no one is allowed to have opinions cause he's always right.

[ryanrhino]

Great question and courage for posting!

Yes, he does have issues. He has to address what's troubling him directly, as it definitely is not you, but he's taking it out on you.

I have been guilty of taking my anger out on my family and being in a foul mood with people who care about me most when I should be expressing my anger to the source of that anger.

What past issues does he throw in your face and when does he reuse these memories?

It is OK to be angry, but not angry with those who haven't angered you. It is OK to be angry, but you must express it constructively.

Coping with anger takes a lifetime, and even those Buddhist monks can be overthrown eventually - no matter what they may say, everyone has a breaking point where enough is enough.

It may be time to take a break until he makes you comfortable again. It's not worth being uncomfortable around someone you care about, especially if you had a bad day and want support, but don't get it.

[Asker]

If he gets caught lying or if I ask him something he will scream and yell so I stop talking about it. Then he will say well remember 3 years ago when you lied. I don't do anything wrong so he brings up the past. The past isn't a good place. I have never cheated but he acts like it. My roommate was a guy when we first started dating and he was so old but I must have being with him says my boyfriend. any guy I talk to I must have had relations and to this day I'm not trusted. I've always had guys for friend.

[ryanrhino]

I think he may have issues in trusting you, as perhaps HE is the one who is not trustworthy. If you ask him nicely, in that sweet way that women can ask, and he still blows up at you, he is not telling you the truth. If he responds with anger, then he is angry with himself.

If he can't trust your guy friends, then perhaps he isn't worth hanging around. My girlfriend trusts me to post answers on here and go out with my friends. Why can't he trust you? Do you trust him?