Why so hateful?

[Barbarajo]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He got up to get his wallet to buy something online. I asked what are you doing? He said nothing. Then I asked what are you buying? He said it’s none of your fucking business! I just don’t understand why he couldn’t just tell me and why so hateful?

Please help me to understand.

[Oliverlogan263]

Sis, that is NOT okay. Ain't nobody should be talking to you like that, especially not your dude. Few red flags I'm seeing here:

1) Major disrespect in his tone. Snapping at you with an attitude when you just asked a simple question.

2) Being shady and secretive too. If it was nothing to hide, he'd just tell you, not get all defensive.

3) Huge trust issues to keep things from his girl. Relationships are built on communication and honesty.

This kinda behavior is a slippery slope. First it's snapping over small stuff, then what? You don't deserve to be treated badly, ever!

My advice - tell him straight up his attitude ain't cool. You're supposed to be a team, and this secrecy messing with your trust. If he don't see the issue, maybye you need to rethink this whole thing sis. You need a man who makes you feel secure, not anxious!

Keep your eye out for more red flags. You're in charge of your own happiness - don't settle for less than you deserve, you get me? You're a strong beautiful queen, don't let any man try dim your light!

[Barbarajo]

I have told him I have trust issues. His response I have nothing to hide. That he is a one woman man. He was married for 27 years and never cheated. I have heard he is very hard to live with and he is self centered. That he only cares about himself. His way or no way.

[Barbarajo]

When I try to discuss things he puts up a wall. He calls that drama. I call it communication.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that sounds like a rough situation. A few things here set off red flags for me:

- The fact that you've told him about your trust issues, and he still gets super defensive when you ask simple questions, instead of being understanding. That's not cool.

- Blowing up at you and saying it's "none of your fucking business" is way over the top, even if he says he has nothing to hide. That's disrespectful.

- The warning that he's hard to live with and self-centered is concerning. A good boyfriend cares about his partner's feelings too, not just what he wants.

- Shutting down conversations by calling it "drama" instead of listening to your side is immature. Communication is important in a relationship.

It kinda sounds like maybe the people who said he only cares about himself might have a point. The defensive attitude and unwillingness to talk things through would bug me a lot. At the very least, he needs to work on listening without blowing up when you bring stuff up.

If I were you, I'd have another talk with him about how his reactions make you feel unimportant and don't resolve anything. See if he's willing to compromise. But if he still won't change, you might have to think hard about whether this is how you want to be treated long-term, you know? You deserve someone who respects you.

[Barbarajo]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you are telling me. I will have another talk with him.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem luv, I hope it helps! Just don't let him brush you off or make you feel like you're overreacting. Stand your ground and make it clear how important this is. Maybe start the talk when you're both calm so it stays constructive. Guys can be stubborn sometimes, but hopefully he'll listen if he cares about you. You deserve to feel heard and respected. Let me know how it goes! Fingers crossed he realizes he needs to change his attitude. You got this!

[MrOracle]

It was very rude of him to do that... but it was also very rude of you to question a grown man about what he was spending his own money on as if he was a child. Can you not see how that would be offensive? This man has been earning his own way in the world for 25 or 30 years, and doesn't need anyone demanding to know what he's doing with the money he earns. For all you know, he was going to buy something nice for you and didn't want to ruin the surprise.

I'm not saying he handled his frustration well - he didn't - but imagine if he treated YOU in that manner - demanding to know how you were spending your money? It's belittling and disrespectful, and it's important that you understand the part you played in this. My girlfriends would have never asked me that kind of question, because I'm not a child. I'm a man with a house, a car, and a business that I built from nothing by myself. Clearly I don't need any advice on how I spend my money, and for someone to get into my business like that would be incredibly rude and disrespectful.

[Barbarajo]

I agree. He always complains about…why do you need to know everything? I wish I wasn’t like this. I have had a bad past about trust issues. I always think the worst.

[Summeroflove]

People who get defensive over stuff like that. Many times are hiding something. Not always. Who knows maybe he’s just a ass

[spartan55]

Because you are probably up his ass about too many unimportant things and he didn't feel like answering your questions. Give the man some peace.

[Ashley1993]

That's really rude of him

[KrakenAttackin]

He's tired of your shit.