Guys, Does he really want me moving in with him?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have talked about me and my daughter moving in with him for a few months now and everytime he seems more keen and serious. His house is fully paid off and it just makes sense. It benefits both of us on a financial front and also we get to grow our relationship. My daughter and I are there every weekend and spend holidays with him too. We both have gone through everything pros and cons and what needs to be done before we move in. He originally said when my current lease ends (Feb) this year but everytime we talk he seems to move the date, now he says April/ May because he has to clear out one of his bedrooms for my daughter. I have offered so many times to help because I know it will go quicker but everytime I do he gets all defensive and doesn't want me stepping foot in that one room. It does concern me as to why I can't go in or help him clear it out.

Just some back story, he is really a wonderful man and there arnt any red flags other than how he doesn't want me helping him clear out a room. Our families have met and we all get along. His friends are great too.

Question is do you think he is using the 'room' as a delay tactic or is he just not ready to clear out a room full of random storage stuff (apparently)?

PS: I have asked him why he won't let me help and he said because he just wants to do it on his own but he just doesn't have time right now.

[BarryLiverstone]

The sticking point may sound like the room but what it’s indicating is a challenge in the dynamics of your relationship. Yes it’s his house and he has every right to want to spend time on his own to clean out the room. However you and him should work together on that goal and if he keeps moving the goalpost you must hold him accountable. If you can’t figure out a room how can you successfully tackle harder things in the future together?


My advice is to talk to him and ask why he hasn’t yet cleared the room. Reassure him that you understand he wants to do it by himself and that you respect his space. But come up with a tangible schedule / goal of when he will have the time to complete it.


You may be right that he’s using the room as a delay tactic or he may have an emotional reason why he hasn’t accomplished that task yet. Only he can communicate why and you can push him a bit now that he hasn’t completed it after agreeing to do so.


Does that make sense?

[Asker]

Perfect sense! thank you for taking the time in writing that. I personally dont think he is hiding anything, I just think he is very private and as much as he wants to take the next step he might feel like that he is losing his personal space a bit. I will reassure him like you have suggested.

[BarryLiverstone]

From a guys perspective I’ll also add that it sounds like he’s checked all the boxes towards getting married (job, house..). So not sure how long you have dated and if you have discussed getting married soon. But as a guy who owns his house and enjoying my privacy if my girlfriend and her daughter wanted to move in, my mind would be on planning the next step after which logically is marriage.

So if he’s not ready to be in engaged I can see why he would delay you moving in

[Asker]

Moving in was kinda his idea and he has been excited and always brings it up. I think he just hasn't had someone like me to make his house a home. Its hard for me to move too, I built up all by myself for years without help and I have to say goodbye to that life now too but I just know he is worth it. Ill have a talk to him and see what his thoughts are.

[BarryLiverstone]

True it’s a risk for you as well. Plus what happens if you two had a fight? While it’s not romantic and not what you want.. be sure to have a backup plan in mind where you and your daughter can live safely in case of an emergency.

[Asker]

Yes, already have one in place. :-)

[Staximus]

It takes one hour to clear out a room and your lease is ending so tell him to make up his mind

[Staximus]

It sounds like he is full of shit and making excuses