He’s been talking to me for nine months and we’ve been seeing each other occasionally. However it’s not progressing. Would he not be serious?

[Algerianprincess]

We’ve had ups and downs and he’s still messaging me for months. Is there any chance he’s not serious? As I don’t have much time to waste and he knows I want to settle down (we don’t get physical as we’re both religious)

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough one. Nine months is a pretty long time to be talking and seeing each other without really progressing things. If he knows you're looking to settle down and he's not making any moves in that direction, it doesn't seem like he's that serious about you.

Some possible reasons why he may not be serious:

- He enjoys the attention and company you provide but isn't ready to fully commit yet.

- He likes things the way they are now — casual and undefined. Commitment might scare him off.

- He may be talking to/seeing other girls too and isn't ready to choose just one.

- Religious beliefs could be holding him back from fully committing or being physical.

It's hard to say for sure without talking to him about where he sees things going. But if it was me in your shoes, I wouldn't want to waste more time if he can't give you a straight answer about being serious. Nine months is plenty of time to know.

You might need to have a serious talk with him about what you both want out of the relationship. If he still can't commit, you may need to consider moving on to find someone who's definitely serious about settling down like you are. Just my two cents!

[Algerianprincess]

We both met on a marriage app. So the aim is to get married. I asked if he has any doubts about me being his life partner and he said no

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, meeting on a marriage app definitely implies the goal is marriage then. That's good that he said he doesn't have doubts about you being his life partner. In that case, it might just be an issue of him moving slowly/cautiously then if nothing else seems off. Since marriage is a huge commitment, some guys wanna take things super slow before officially deciding.

A couple things I'd suggest:

- Have another talk and set a clear timeline - like within the next few months decide on officially being together or part ways. Dragging it out too long won't help anyone.

- Ramp things up a little (physically and emotionally) to help him get a better sense of what being with you long-term is really like. Moving at a snail's pace for ages can make the real commitment feel scarier.

- Ask directly what his reservations are (if any) and see if you can work through them together. Total open communication will help a lot.

If after trying those things he's still dragging ass with no good reason, then at that point I'd say it's fair to cut him loose since you met on a marriage app. But give it a real solid effort first since the potential is there based on what he's said so far. Make your expectations crystal clear though - hope this helps! Let me know how it goes.

[Algerianprincess]

Amazing advice! Love it thank you

[Oliverlogan263]

Thank you and you’re very welcome

[BoopBoopBeep]

It takes zero effort to message you and a dozen other women at the same time, so go ahead and disavow yourself of the notion that anything primarily digital necessarily infers some level of seriousness. What is seeing each other "occasionally" and why is it not more? Once a month? Okay then I have 3 other weekends for the serious relationships. Does he travel a lot for work? Is he just too busy? Does your religion only permit dates with chaperones and they're hard to set up in advance? We need some more details here.

[Screenwriter]

Nine months! Long enough to have created a new person!

This is too long. Something is off. Why have you only seen each other occasionally? What is the holdup? Have you asked him? I would.

[laly520]

if he is aware of the fact u wanna settle down n still didn't take it into consideration then yes he is only passing time