My long distance boyfriend and I don’t talk over the phone too often (his choice). Is he loosing interest or just not into phone calls?

[confusedgirlyxo]

So my long distance boyfriend doesn’t call me too often, he will occasionally but i would like if he did it more. When i ask him if he’d be down to call he says he has class early and wants to get some sleep, which i understand i would just like him to set a date and time to call me.

I’ve brought this up with him and he says he’s really not that into phone calls in general and i understand this as well but being in an ldr i would like it if he gave it a bit more importance because it’s important to me.

We text every single day and we have really long conversations they’re not dry at all but i would like it if we could have maybe a weekly phone call or something like that.

is his lack of enthusiasm to call him becoming uninterested in me or is it simply because he’s gotten more comfortable and doesn’t see it as a necessity?

he’s still interested but talk more in depth with him about this

he’s loosing interest

[AmandaYVR]

It's certainly plausible that he has phonophobia. A slight aversion, or anxiety, or just following general social norms, can all contribute to, and then eventually exacerbate one's fears. Before you know it, avoidance can turn into full-blown phobia.

It could also mean that the person is not be that into the person/relationship. But as there's no way for us to know, it should probably fairly be listed as a possibility, but you should not default to that, or fixate on it.

But... you're in the right, here. He is not. LDRs can be sustained indefinitely (usually). And people do grow apart. What you should probably be asking yourself is if you really should keep investing in this relationship, this person, when there are significant obstacles, and your partner is putting up boundaries or barriers. (They may not be for the reason of keeping distance between you, but they are boundaries, nonetheless. Ones that are limiting your relationship.)

Another thing for him to consider (which you should mention to him, because that's what people who are in a close, intimate relationship do, they point out things they have observed or know) - Even though he doesn't like talking on the phone much, that doesn't mean every phone conversation is the same. You could, very well, be the exception; someone he truly begins to enjoy live voice conversation with.

I think it's fair of you to say (gently), "I need this. It would help me a lot to feel closer to you, and make this long-distance thing we're doing worth it, still somewhat fulfilling. I really hope you can understand that, and compromise a bit with me on this."

My personal feeling is that when two people really, really like each other, they will break that ice and want to get on the phone. It will bring two people much closer together. It's also way more efficient, immersive, informative, illuminating, etc. But, yes, you do get 'stuck' on the phone sometimes. It can be hard if one person wants to hang up, but they know the other doesn't want to yet. There's more compromise, more transparency. And I think those last two reasons also often significantly factor in to some people's reasoning (which they may never say) for why they avoid it. Whatsapp makes calling free now, which is amazing. But some consider that too much exposure to others, giving up a phone number. Frankly, if that's the case, it can be a bit insulting, that person not having trust in you (if after knowing each other, interacting, for years). Though that doesn't apply in your case. He's more likely to have social anxiety. Which he needs to get over, frankly. You're his girlfriend. You are in his inner circle. If he can't break down that wall for you, well...

[AmandaYVR]

Ugh, I made so many typos here.

Let me try to fix this:

It could also mean that the person is not that into the person/relationship. Though, as there's no way for us to know, it should probably be listed as a possibility, but you should not default to that or fixate on it.

But... you're in the right, here. He is not. LDRs cannot be sustained indefinitely (usually).

[zeitgeist057]

If it was the opposite, and she really didn't like being on the phone, should he then compromise and limit the phone calls that he loves so much?
One of my lovers really avoids/hates talking on the phone. I have just given in to that, and keep conversations to text, which can be very rich and intimate. Another lover really enjoys phone conversations and we can have a call last for 4-5 hours (maybe more?). With her, I find I have to limit sometimes; I have to focus on other things like school and getting tasks done.

[Valdemort]

Although I cannot really give an opinion on the matter itself, all I can say is that I used to talk to a guy who lived on the opposite side of the country.
We texted every day and at some point I asked him if he wanted to call. He said he missed my voice, but couldn't at that time because he had long working days, so we arranged a moment later that week to talk.
When I called he let me know he didn't often talk on the phone and if he did, they wouldn't last long. We called for an hour and a half, and made sure I got home safely (as I was omw).
I don't know about your relationship, how you met, how long you've known one another, how often you meet and and all other things, but honestly, if you have certain desires you want to be met and your boyfriend doesn't want to do that for you (even something as just talking for a bit) ... how is that gonna turn out long term?
Where do you see yourselves going?

[Cody2004]

So a good way to tell is just straight up have a talk with him it doesn't even matter if it's over text or call for this. Explain to him that in your relationship you need to be able to talk to the person like is there a voice maybe even video call. Him if he can't provide that it might be time to move on from this relationship.

I know that last part is terrifying but it will do one of two things he will get his act together because if he's texting you there's no reason that he couldn't call within reason. That was true that he doesn't take the relationship seriously enough to take your concerns into consideration it's not worth messing up your mental health to stay in a relationship if that's how it is that

[Cody2004]

Also going to give you a little story because I also understand kind of where you're coming from but I don't know if you viewed it from something I experienced or not. So for contacts I don't care who I date I'm into anybody. There was this dude who liked me online and we were talking a little bit same kind of issue you were running into. I know in online relationships it's sometimes common to send *personal photos* to each other. There is an instance with this dude who kept wanting to see me in my Speedo and stuff which was kind of weird for some context there I'm a part of the swim team at school. he was more and more into just getting photos and that's it. That was the only interest he showed.

Hopefully that's not happening with you you don't have to tell me because that's completely personal to you but something to think about because if that is happening in your situation you might have to rethink some stuff with that relationship for your own safety. I know this is kind of random that but that did pop into my head after I made the original opinion. I hope everything does work out well

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'd say that he was never all the interested to begin with if he's only trying to text you. Granted, most men don't like small talk so if the phone call is just BS small talk, I don't want to do that either, but if you two can't actually talk and hold a real conversation, not a whole lot of interest there to begin with. What happens when you call him?

[sage2021]

If you text each other every single day and in depth he probably feels no need to call. What's there to talk about?

I know some people that do not like talking on the phone. They would rather text.

I'm getting to be the same way anymore. I come from the old school using the old phone ☎️. I know you're probably thinking whaaaat? But these cellphone's are not very private like the old phones are. They are more like community phones. You call someone and everyone around them can hear. Plus they are uncomfortable to hold and a lot of time the phone goes in and out and conversation is lost. Then you have to repeat what you said. They really are a pain.
I have a landline phone and a cellphone. I don't talk on my cellphone. I just use it for text email and internet.
I think he's still interested, he just might like texting better.
Be glad for that ok?

[SphynxUK]

Long distance or just online? Big difference.
I think he’s not interested or he’s got a girlfriend so can’t call.
Phone calls don’t need military planning to make or receive. All he needs to do is say I’ll call you Tuesday morning and then does it. Likewise, if you suggested a time to call and he couldn’t make it, he would tell you when you could call. He hasn’t, and doesn’t. What sort of a relationship is this where you don’t meet and don’t need to hear their voice on the phone or via video chat?

[Paris13]

It appears He is Not Into Talking. That can Be a Problem in a LDR. I am Back Now With My Ex who Was/Is a Partner for Five Years (Broke it Of But back on Our 5th Yr. Anniversary Valentines Day) And Open Lines of Communication on The Phone) With Us, Cam/Chat Phone Google) Is Great Because we Can also Share Earth Cams and All of That as We Talk. Maybe Suggest Something Like That or if you are Not Overseas (In The USA With Him) Maybe Share Other Things Over The Phone. I Know What you are Doing Now is Not Enough. He and I Message/Text Still But Hearing a Voice is a Better Choice!!! You Need Now to Nip the Problem Before It Causes a Breakup. Welcome to Gag and Best of Luck. xxoo

[rosemilk]

just texting will not cut it in long distance relationships... you have to hear the other persons voice, video chatting is a must too. i just don't see how this can last if you're only getting texts. seems a bit cold. so yeah, he may be losing interest. i hate phone calls too but there's no way i wouldn't call someone that i love and want to talk to. especially one i can't see every day.

[Benjiman19]

Out of the long distance relationships I've been in, I would say he still has interest in you and y'all's relationship. Otherwise, why would he keep a not dry conversation over text? If he were losing interest, he wouldn't do this, not even for appearance. You do what you think is best though for yourself.

[Alex-Snow]

Have u tried some video sex. Instead of talking get on Facetime or any video app and watch each other get naked and masturbate. I did that with a previous girlfriend when she was away for a few weeks and it was fun. It was fun to watch each other have an orgasm. Try it?

[DreamLife7]

He's not interested in you, long distance relationships don't work/don't exist, he lied to you out of boredom so he can have a distraction until he meets his dream girl. So lol 😆 next time go out like a normal person. If you can't meet someone locally that means you aren't pretty enough

[Rayla]

Eww you fucking weirdo

[DreamLife7]

Yes hun u were played 😆 he has someone better

[jennie4959]

In my opinion his still very interested, I used to also do phone calls but dread it lol and I was madly in love with him but only did phone calls for his sake and the less I could do the better so when the option for just texting came I grabbed it, If the conversations are still good throughout text then he is definitely still interested in you and not calls so much lol

[Yannae]

If he still talks to you regularly and never did it over the phone, it's not bad. But if he used to speak regularly over the phone and that changed, it's a bad sign.

[In_Trance]

How long were you together before distance became a factor?

[Zoi99]

Sounds like he might have a side be stepping out. That’s the sign.

[astrofan]

I think you're ok. He probably just misses you and wants to see you so bad, that talking to more only makes it harder on him. Trust me, he wants you

[Anonymous]

Does he at least text you? I've always preferred texting.

[whistlingwh0res]

he is probably looking for a sugar mama anyway

[Danny_dan92]

If it used to be a regular thing? Yes

[Kykiono1]

Loosing interest in my opinion

[strateguy632]

.,2nd,.

[HouseMoat]

You chose to do LDR

[Anonymous]

Look for another guy