Why do guys seem to like me more when I’m my silly outgoing self rather than shy and reserved?

[Anonymous]

[MrOracle]

1. Most people can tell if you are being authentic, vs. acting. It's very difficult to keep up an act for very long.

2. For people who don't know you, it's always MUCH easier to get to know someone who is outgoing than someone who is shy. This doesn't mean that men don't want to get to know shy girls - many men would be fine with a shy girl - but it's so hard to know when a shy person is interested, because they react exactly the same way a person who is NOT interested would act: they turn away, don't reply, mumble one-word answers, or run out of the room. An outgoing person isn't going to take nearly as much work to get to know, and so things tend to happen faster and easier.

3. If you are outgoing and silly, you're probably also not the kind of person who is easily offended by everything and always on the lookout for new ways to play the victim. Most men cannot stand the perpetual victim who thinks everyone is oppressing them and is racist/sexist/bigoted in every possible way, so if you show you are NOT one of these people, that's going to make you more attractive in the eyes of most men. Yes, I'm well aware there are soy-boy victim-mentality "men" out there, but they are not MEN, and they shame those of us who are.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I can only speak for myself but I got most deeply attracted to women through very open conversations. I can't tell so much about a person just looking at them. I can read body language fairly well to the point of even being accused of being "psychic" but I'm a very poor judge of character.

So for me to become attracted deeply to a woman beyond a basic and very shallow, "hubba bubba" caveman thing, I need to have deep conversations with her.

And women who are shy and reserved or even "mysterious" don't give me enough information about who they are to let me develop that deep attraction. I can't become deeply attracted to what I don't know.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

"Mysterious" is about the most unattractive description to me of a woman. Some people seem to like the mysterious and unknown. I'm allergic to it for friends and lovers. I'm about the extreme polar opposite type. I like women as well as friends in general who are as opposite of mysterious as it gets: the type of people who, after just a few conversations, you get to know exactly who they are and what makes them tick in a way where they never surprise you very much after.

[bobalife]

lmao!!! can you tell me my fortune or psychic reading, sir GuyAnswersGirls? :D It sounds like you are a very intuitive man, many guys dont have that gift, that's pretty cool.

[bobalife]

girl asking guy by the way lmao.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@bobalife Cheers, although actually I'm far from psychic and have to keep telling people that! 😅

The thing in my case is that since I'm originally from Japan but moved to new countries like Singapore, Hong Kong, and the US growing up, and originally while barely being able to speak English let alone Cantonese and Mandarin, I think I started to develop the habit of paying extra close attention to people's body language and tone of voice to try to detect how they feel since I couldn't understand half of what they said.

So I seem to be able to detect the most subtle changes in people's body language and be able to read their emotional state with reasonable accuracy that way. I'm also into drawing and liked to quick-sketch portraits of people like this in bars which also requires paying very careful attention to details:


The end result I think is that I'm just much more visually attentive and alert to body language than most.

With the reputation for being "psychic" among my friends, it started one time when I was at a party and one of my friends was smiling really big and laughing really hard but I noticed there was something ever-so-slightly different from usual with her smile and laugh. It actually filled me with a deep, overwhelming sense of sadness.

So I pulled my friends aside very discreetly and asked them what's wrong with her and they looked at her and said, "What do you mean? She looks so happy." Me: "No, look very carefully! She looks so incredibly sad." Friends: "Huh? She looks as happy as can be. Look, she's smiling so big!" Me: "No, look at how it's a bit different from usual." Anyway, this repeated until they all said I'm crazy and had too much to drink but I kept swearing there's something so sad with the way she's smiling and laughing.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@bobalife [...] Then at the end of the party, we found her crying outside. Turned out her boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with her right before the party. She was just smiling and laughing to try to forget and have a good time. Then my friends were blown away.

That's one of many incidents but that's when my friends started to think I'm "psychic". I'm not. I just pay very close attention to people's body language and can tell when something is off. I actually feel their emotions myself to some degree.

[bobalife]

wow that's an incredible story, you're just... a natural psychic lets be honest! :D LOL. But on a real note, I think you definetly have good observation and empathy. I'm the same way when I am with people tbh lol. May I ask what's your ethnicity? What a great drawing!

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@bobalife Cheers! I really like people who are very observational and empathetic since I tend to feel a bit isolated sometimes being one of the few in my group that way.

I am half-Japanese on my father's side and half-American on my mother's. I was originally raised in Shizuoka as a boy but my parents ended up divorcing and moving all over the place. So I bounced between various parts of Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, and various parts of the US growing up.

[Anonymous]

People are often drawn to individuals who are confident and outgoing because they exude positivity and energy, which can be attractive qualities. When you're being your silly, outgoing self, you're likely showing your authentic personality and making others feel comfortable and entertained around you. Shyness and reservation can sometimes be perceived as barriers to connection, whereas being outgoing can facilitate easier communication and rapport-building.

[Hardy_007]

Fun loving , Straightforwardness, Open mindedness... that's the best thing a guy wants in their potential partner/friend in general (whatever they are fantasizing you in their mind)
Like I Said, exceptions can always be there for specifics.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are more approachable? I'm very shy and reserved and nobody ever approaches me.