If you're talking to a woman and you say "can I" in regards to anything, is that a turn off?

[Anonymous]

To add more context I mean if you're asking her on a date and you say can I, stuff like that.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

"May I" would be more proper but what do you mean? "May I kiss you?" If so, I'd say generally don't. Just gently go for the kiss one baby step at a time. Like don't lunge for the kiss across the passenger seat. Let her out of the car, walk her to her doorstep, maybe hug her and do a little dance and get your faces close, and if she's good and looking at you smiling, go gently for the kiss. Very gently; always give her room to reject your advances, and split them up into baby steps.

[Asker]

I mean exactly what you said. "May I" is a better way to put it.

I think I made a mistake because I asked a girl "can I text you".

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Oh yeah! Just text her. Don't ask to text her. "Hey, how's it going?" She can still reject just as easily. It's more confident though and more inviting.

[Asker]

Absolutely. I only asked because I already knew her and we had a falling out. We haven't spoken in years. I was unsure if I should just text her or ask because I didn't know her situation ya know?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'd always lean towards just going for it but make it inviting, easy.

That's the thing like more timid language doesn't actually tend to have the psychological effect of making things more inviting even though it seems like it to us intuitively. Take especially timid language like, "Can I text you? You don't have to agree if you don't want."

That already tends to recipient feel awkward and communicates low confidence on your part. Whereas if it's just, "Hey, how are you doing?" or whatever seems appropriate for this situation, that tends to be a lot more inviting. And if there's like an apology due on your part, you can work your way around to it, but right now it's probably to just focus on getting a conversation going and making it as easy for her to have as possible.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] That already tends to [make the] recipient feel awkward and communicates low confidence on your part.

It's not always. There might be situations where asking for permission first in a roundabout way might be the better option, but if you're in doubt, I'd err against it.

[Asker]

You made some great points And I will try to utilize them in the future. I think I may have done myself in, do you think I could still try to engage her in conversation?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Always worth a shot! No problem. Just take it easy from here on out and work from there.