How to know if a guy (stranger) is interested and when to make the first move?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy that I’ve been noticing staring at me a lot. Whenever we see each other, we lock eyes, he’ll smile and say “have a nice night/day”, “hello/hi” etc. I saw him a few days ago, and we locked eyes, but I looked away and when I looked back, he was still staring, so I gave him a slight smile and he smiled back. I used to be very adamant about the guy making the move first, but I think he’s attractive, and the only way to know for sure if he likes me is if one of us makes the first move. I know his first name and found him on social media (we all do it, don’t judge….) so would it be weird if I message him? Or should I try to talk to him in person more first? The only issue with talking to him in person is I don’t always see him everyday.

*To clarify, he is not a guy that I know well. We are still basically strangers, who just happens to see each other around frequently.

*I thought he was just being nice, but in my experience with other men (who are also strangers), they don’t stare or smile at me, so that’s why I think this guy is interested

[bobalife]

Whoopsie I do this with most people out of respect and kindness, which I figured was the same for common courtesy 🫣🥴lol. I don't know if I’m just oblivious if these were signs than just common courtesy? But I would suggest starting a normal conversation to check the vibe and where it may lead when you see him again,.. that’s how yknow. Starring usually does mean attraction and other times it could be for other reasons. Goodluck :)

[Pinay_ako]

If it’s more than twice, that’s not a coincidence. There’s some attraction there. Smile back and strike a conversation in person.

[Asker]

This happens every time I see him, but when I see him, I’m going in while he’s leaving out.

[spartan55]

@asker
That's your favorite excuse? So get there early, make it happen.

[Drew-1990]

If you can see in person I think that will be better honestly than a message honestly. He may find it weird or flattering if you message on social media, in person is definitely the safer bet. Just do it wall up to him and ask if he is single or mention that you noticed him checking you out. Most men don't mind anymore if girls make the first move it's actually very refreshing.

[spartan55]

Don't message him on social media. That is beyond lame. He has no idea you are interested. Seems like he could be, but is likely not going to approach because you've done nothing to show that YOU are interested.

[Asker]

I smile and wave at him - is that not enough? How do I show him I’m interested?

[spartan55]

I shouldn't have said you've done nothing, that was unfair. Smiling and waving is okay, but could easily be construed as friendliness. Guys are VERY apprehensive about approaching women for several reasons in today's culture. If a guy isn't conditioned to handle rejection there is almost no chance he will approach. I think it's great if the woman approaches me. Most guys feel the same. The ones who don't you likely wouldn't want to date anyway.

[Asker]

No worries. What do you recommend I say to him when I see him next time? When last saw him, I was planning on talking to him more, but I blanked and only said “hi”

[spartan55]

Where do you see him? What is the setting?

[Asker]

He’s the front desk guy of my apartment complex’s office.

[spartan55]

Okay, then that should give you plenty of opportunities/common ground to approach him.

[spartan55]

The apartment complex might have a rule of no fraternization with the residents... possible, but not likely.

[Asker]

That’s what I thought - maybe that’s why he hasn’t “pursued” me more?

[spartan55]

Maybe, that's why you should talk to him. I mean he works the front desk so you already have a perfect in. Ask him some dumb question about the pool or something.

[Asker]

Ok, thanks for your help!!

[spartan55]

Hey, good luck. I would try a frequency approach instead of all at once. Meaning talk to him frequently, every day if possible. But don't hang out for a long time. Do this a, while and feel him out. If you just ask him out the first time you talk to him you might catch him off guard.

[Asker]

That makes sense, thank you!

[spartan55]

Turn on the charm and just be yourself. Be sure to close the deal when the time comes.

[slatyb]

Not weird. He probably wants to ask you out but he's also afraid of being weird.

[Parsleyystk]

Only thing I want to say if you like him dont play a hard to get game or act uninterested on purpose. if you like him message him a short text and see where it ends. if he is interested he will continue the conversation himself if not then leave it.

[NewgodOmega]

Don't male any moves on guys
Single ladies are the happiest group its scientifically proven Why would you willingly want to be unhappy
That's epic stupid

[JHAYES317]

Strike up a conversation, and give him an obvious indication that you are single, and then tell him he’s cute and see how he reacts.

[Squatting_Slav]

If he smiles at you and wants to get to know you more

[madewithingredients]

absolutely send him a message.

[madewithingredients]

if you try to show him you're interested by talking to him, you might be wasting your time and end up confusing yourself more, because considering the setting in which you get to interact with him (front desk guy), he has no choice but to be polite to you. if you start chatting it up with him, sure, you might figure out that he's actually not interested. but he may be a naturally talkative and friendly guy if you give him the green light to start chatting it up with you. in that case, you might incorrectly read his friendliness as interest. (I've accidentally lead a few girls on like this. namely, baristas. I figured they were just chatty with me because that's part of their job. but nope, they later ask for my number and then i have to say sorry but no, and then it's weird if I go there again and they're still working there)
but assuming he is actually interested in you, and you do both start talking to each other, trying to gauge each other's interest, he probably knows it would be super unprofessional of him to make a move on you. not to mention that he's probably thinking that even if he does make a move on you, he's thinking it would be terrible if he read you wrong because then his place of work would become super awkward.
thus, you have to make the move.
whether you do it in person or send him a message, doesn't really matter. but sending him a message will definitely make your intentions clear, and that will give him a green light to cross that boundary from professional into personal.

[Asker]

I thought he was being friendly at first, but his eye contact tells me otherwise. I have no problem reaching out to him first, but I also don’t want to make a fool of myself lol.