Crush is acting different/strange?

[Anonymous]

Last year, my crush (let’s call him Ryan) found out I liked him at the start of Term 4 (second half of second semester) Year 10. Our mutual friend (let’s call him James, who knows I like Ryan) told Ryan that he knows someone who likes him, and Ryan said “Let me guess, it’s [my name].”. When James told me, I asked him if Ryan said anything else. James said Ryan said that Ryan didn’t want a relationship (and I don’t really either so I wasn’t that bothered by it) and that Ryan said he’d wait for me to tell me himself. A couple weeks after he found out, I tried approaching Ryan to ask if we could hang out but I chickened out. Keep in mind, Ryan and I were only classmates and he spoke to me only once. My friends went up to him instead, and when they came back they said that he said he didn’t really want to talk to me, so I distanced myself from him the rest of the school term up until formal. Throughout the last 3 terms, Ryan and I made a bunch of eye contact, but not that it means anything, since our paths do cross. He never looked away, we’d hold for like 3 seconds and then I’d look away. I don’t know if he was glaring at me or not, but it shouldn’t matter anyway. During formal, he stared at me throughout most of the night, and walked past my group by himself a couple times. My friends said that I should approach him, but I didn’t think he wanted anything to do with me. Now it’s Term 1 Grade 11 and Ryan and I don’t share any classes, but we do cross paths. I found out through another mutual friend that he was planning on dating me just to dump me, and when I started dating someone (we have now broken up) and he found out, he was like “I’m free!”. I have also noticed him avoiding me. So he’s immature, and all my friends hate him, but I think I still like him. I’m trying to move on and I think it’s slowly working, but I’m just curious to his behaviour.

Ryan and I are autistic, but I don’t know if that is the reason for some of Ryan’s decisions.

[Mr_twoface]

I can't speak for being autistic but his expression could honestly mean different thing. Either like someone else pointed out, he is nervous around you and combine it with him being shy (and his autistic behaviour), he doesn't know how to react around you OR he doesn't want to give the impression that he likes you, like wanting to be in a relationship, but can/will consider being a friend with benefit. For me eye contacts no matter how long and often can be coincidence or just flirting without taking full on action. We all do that with strangers/co-workers... it makes us feel good without it means anything more.

You should strike up a conversation with him if you like him. If you want more than friend with benefits, a line your questions towards that direction. Whether he is in a relationship, if he wants to be in one etc, etc. If you are totally fine with just having casual fun, then tell him that. Make sure though both are in the same place mentally so one doesn't say yes (cause they always say yes to sex) and once when feelings arises then it will be totally hard to let go. As for him avoiding you, in his mind he could be thinking the same, that you are avoiding him or not interested and hence his actions reflects that.

Why does your friends hate him? In most cases its often best to follow your friends advice since they are the ones who will back you up/be there for you when you are facing hard times. They are suppose to me your support mechanism and root for you. If you do your own thing and it doesn't work, it will be a "We told you so" situation and you will be more upset.

Final thoughts is, since you are moving on, it surely is for the best. He should have taken his chances and now you may find the next best thing and move on with yours. Unless you still feel something for him and then take the courage to address it with him once in for all.

Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you so much, this is incredibly helpful! I’ll just be friendly and less avoidant and see how things go.

[spartan55]

His behavior? (A shit ton of words to say) he is NOT INTERESTED.

[Asker]

Just me being delusional haha, thanks for the clarification :)

[Zoeysiren]

Guys can be confusing! A crush acting different could mean anything from him being nervous around you (good sign!) to him going through something else entirely. Try to pick up on other clues - is he making less eye contact or avoiding you completely? Or is he maybe stammering a bit more when he talks to you? If you're not sure, don't be afraid to strike up a casual conversation and see how he reacts. Sometimes the best way to know what's going on is to just talk to him!

[Asker]

Thank you for the help!! Only problem is, I don’t know how to start a conversation. Currently working on that in social studies though!!

[Anonymous]

Stop hiding behind the trendy autism nonsense.

[Asker]

Like I said, I am unsure if it is relevant or not. Please do not bother to comment if it does not help me understand the situation in any way.

[DishLady]

So… those who juggle daily real-world issues like relationships (especially at the start) along with autism or similar neuropsychological challenges do find it difficult to make that initial connection with others, especially those they’re crushing on. Try to find the time of day that you have the most clarity and approach him, ok?

[Asker]

I wouldn’t know what to say, or how to approach him.

[DishLady]

“Hi…” is a good start. Don’t push. Just be present. Start small. He should also start with small answers in this case. It might be slightly awkward because you two seem to have delayed a little, but it’s worth trying for two reasons:

1. If you two like each other, this will be great for you both.

2. If you don’t both like each other it’s good practice on how to approach someone. Google “icebreakers” to find a few common ways to break the ice with a simple comment or question. Ok?

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

just ask him if he likes you
tell him its because you think he does but you're not sure and you just want to know

if he says yes persue
if he says no say ok i just wanted to know because i thought you did

[Asker]

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t since I heard that he was dating me just to dump me, but there is still that feeling since he never talked to me himself

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

no harm in asking
worst case scenario you didn't ask and he likes you
next worst is you ask and he doesn't like you, which is not even bad
so just remember the goal is to make sure you get what you want that is reasonable (such as finding out if he likes you back) then make it happen
dont trust anyone other than him about his feelings

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess I would feel a bunch of regret if he did like me and I didn’t do anything, but wouldn’t it a bit random if I just walked up to him at lunch and asked him that? I think he’d be a bit caught off guard

[Asker]

As for ice breakers, it was also be very random if I just asked him who his childhood best friend was

[DishLady]

Who the heck is this guy who is “dating you just to dump you”? If that’s the case, why are you bothering? Block him and move on.

[Asker]

I’m trying to move on and it is slowly working, but I don’t know if I want to when I know I should.

[DishLady]

@BIZARRE_TRUTH, many autistic individuals lack the ability to hear and process social cues in real time. It’s why I made those recommendations in my original reply. More often than not, rushing with an overly-direct approach can backfire.

[DishLady]

You WANT the best for yourself, right? So it’s just time to leave this idiot alone. A girls’ heart is a rare jewel. Don’t give it away to just anyone.

[Asker]

Thank you so much actually. I understand that he may not have liked me and even if he did, he probably would have ended up hurting me anyway. What do you suggest I do to help me move on?

[DishLady]

1. Block him if he’s on any of your devices or social media.
2. Spend time with friends and people who actually love and appreciate you.
3. Start a little project to distract you from this guy.

Then, dear friend, start over again with someone who values you, ok?

[Asker]

I’ve done those, but I still see him everywhere around school and my feelings keep coming back. Do I just avoid him, and go the long way to classes, and hope I never see him again?

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

Yeah find out if he likes you!
If he does cool, if not, then its not a big deal. You can avoid him or not!
Avoiding people that didn't want to date you is 100% normal
Dont take it so seriously. you need to have like 10 failed relationships before you figure it out

[Avicenna]

I think you've answered your question (last sentence).

[Asker]

that me slowly moving on is working or that were both autistic?

[Avicenna]

That moving on is a good idea

[Asker]

yeah, I’m finding myself a lot happier when I’m not thinking about him. Thanks :)

[Avicenna]

You're welcome!

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

dude just talk to him and tell him what you're thinking wtf

[Asker]

If I talk to him, he’ll tell his friends and they’ll make fun of me, they did it last year

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

just tell him not to tell anyone cause they made fun of you last year.
and if he does then you know that he's an asshole for telling them and for letting his friends make fun of you!

also, not caring what people think will totally solve this problem!

or if he likes you and you tell him not to tell anyone ca

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

remove my last line as it was a leftover and is a typo

[Asker]

I wouldn’t really know how to start, I’m taking a social class which will help me out there so I think once I get through that I’ll be able to have conversations

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

If you thinking that "you really wouldn't know how to start" is going to stop you from doing it
maybe you are not ready for a relationship

you should want it bad enough that you are forumlating a plan or two immediately on how to talk to them

something like this, lets say i wanted to talk to someone i knew who worked at a local subway shop
a pretty woman my age (my age on here is wrong by the way) and im interested in her

ill just go to the shop again and ask her if she remembers me:
get my sandwich, and be smiling and happy, im the only customer, its a good time
i say "do you remember me from before?",
she says "yeah i think so"
i say "... are you single?" with a smile
boom. the deed is done

she either says yes or no
if she says yes i say, "would you like to exchange numbers? perhaps talk or go on a date?"
and she either says yes or no

its that simple

you need to initiate if you give a shit

if you dont care then dont worry about it just do nothing

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him

[Asker]

and say what?

[In_Trance]

Troll