Is it true that some guys are too shy to make the first move?

Question

To the extent that they sabotage their chances with women they like or get too paralysed to make a move to ask her out, kiss her or escalate to sex? I was reading that this happens, but I’m a woman and haven’t discussed this with my guy friends. Does it happen?

Lionman95 · Accepted Answer

Yes because they don´t know what to say since they neither want to come off boring nor weird so they spend time figuring out what to say that sounds interesting and catches her attention while it doesn´t come off weird, pervy or strange and it´s not something she has heard other guys say but it has to be authentic and it shouldn´t like a learned phrase. So they go through life figuring out what to say as a start that meets at least most of those aspects and since they haven´t figured out what that could be they are most likely single.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

I don’t think “sabotage” is the best word choice for that context. Is someone who is allergic to fish “sabotaging” their diet by not trying a great fish recipe?
Sabotage is a deliberate act. Being painfully shy or cripplingly afraid of rejection isn’t something people generally choose.
It’s 2024. Time for women to “nut up or shut up!”. Ell oh ell!

MaaikeVG · Accepted Answer

Many guys do have that reputation.  All it takes is some confidence. At first, it doesn't make a woman like them any less.

PBandJ_Nerd · Accepted Answer

I'd think so yes. Being naturally shy has its disadvantages.

coachTanthony · Answer

Some guys are timid and shy which sorry to say don't make a good husband because being shy means he won't take what he want's in life either.

lightbulb27 · Answer

for sure, was for long time. an they may shoot you down and run away... can be hard to interpet

thearchjoker · Answer

Its a bit like with animals when they tell you that they are more scared of you than you are of them. For men approaching and expressing his feelings for her is one of the most daunting things they can do. Women tend to travel in groups meaning that being rejected would happen publicly Infront of a crowd. Men don't want to be seen as creepy but often don't know what to say and sometimes if a girl finds what they say as cute or creepy can change depending on how attractive she finds him.

To make things worse modern culture in the west has made it even more difficult for men, especially young men to approach women for multiple reasons. Firstly is that for years now, women online have told men to not approach them while even massive corporations such as Gillette have made adds where a man approaching women he's interested in is seen as culturally unacceptable. In social media there are women recording men in gyms calling them creepy for daring to look in their general direction for a split second often not even checking out the girl but the camera she's carrying. Not only that but there are genuine dangers for men to have their lives ruined even if a girl doesn't reject them initially but regrets it later. There have been countless cases where women were originally interested in a man later on changed their mind and than made false allegations that got men jailed, kicked out of university/collage, and/or fired from their job thus causing the risks of approaching a woman to be so severer many don't even try.

It doesn't matter if this only happens to man in 10,000 the risks are still there and no one wants to risk ruining their lives by drawing the wrong lottery ticket. This is why about a third of men under 30 have never slept with a woman.

Western men are constantly told their creepy, evil, and horrible for just being men and due to this are not only aren't approaching women but sometimes outright avoiding them. I'm fortunate enough to have managed to get past the hurdles the men of my generation have to go through but many many mannny men don't.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Shy. It take courage to approach a new person cold and try to spark up a relationship.

I for one appreciate courage in a man.

Here's the thing: Think of that fear - the fear of rejection - as a hurdle or a speed bump that a man must cross in order to get a girl's attention. A price that must be paid.

If they are unwilling to put in that small amount of effort just to meet us, that does not bode well for the future of the relationship.

Put out the effort. Approaching girls is a skill like any other skill (so is every other kind of social interaction). You'll suck at it sometimes, and other times you'll rock.

Here's the possible outcomes:

She laughs at you (bad match, you dodged a bullet)
She kindly turns you down (bad match, she may be taken)
She tries to friendzone you. (walk away unless you want to live in the freezer with all her other emergency backup friend-boys)
She agrees to a date (good idea to have a plan for this in advance)

mattthefatbat · Answer

I remember back when I was single usually my thoughts through out the days were something like no one will ever want me and no one will ever like me. I'll just keep to myself because there's no point in trying. All because some girl told me in grade school "nobody likes you" and that's all my mind ever made me believe, Practically disabling myself in terms of confidence and making a first move with anyone I could have liked, but i had my reasons for doing so, because If I did try I would probably come off as weird. Plus aside from being shy most people besides me are honestly very social and talkative people, and no one i met then was like me anyway, and really in terms of looks and first impressions I usually would be someone's last pic especially when most guys my age just over all look better and have more friends and probably a better mindset anyway. But yeah happend to me, I'm sure it happens to more guys than you know. But doesn't mean shy guys or girls wouldn't make a good partner if anything they may even have a more morally developed mindset for relationships which in turn would make for a possibly good relationship

Anonymous · Answer

I dated a Mormon girl when my crazy mother was going through a mormon phase. It's where the guy inserts his penis into the girl but there's no thrusting and no ejaculations and is apparently not considered sex by Mormons, you just "soak" the dick. Jump humping is a variation of this, basically you and your girl do the soaking with no thrusting and two of her friends jump on the bed to create friction. I paticularly enjoyed the jump humping because I had 3 girls in the same room and my erect penis in one of them, I think I lasted about 2 minutes as the other two were trying to make me cum. I actually ended up cheating on my girlfriend with one of the jump humping girls and dated the other a year later. Of course it's nonsense that you are still a virgin but when you got blue balls any sex is better than nothing.

A lot of girls from strict religious backgrounds that I've encountered are like this. A lot of baptist girls do the whole fully clothed dry humping thing. Methodist girls give handjobs. Lutherans give blowjobs. Catholic girls do anal.

Haraklus · Answer

I definitely had a period like this in my teenage years. I also remember having -moments- like this in my 20s, although they were always very short-lived.

The thing is, approaching someone is hard. It's psychologically stressful unless you're in a very good place. To be unbothered by potential rejection is a skill, and even for those who have mastered the skill, it can occasionally still be challenging.

Ironically, the men who are afraid to approach are often the ones who would make better partners, too -- they presumably haven't gone through the grind of making passes at dozens to hundreds of women to figure out how to present themselves, how to be confident, etc.

cince200X · Answer

Look HappyWomen,
It depends upon how many times the guy has met the women means depend upon experience.
If you don't know how to eat then the first time before you will be a shy.

person before you assumes you a experienced women so feels a kind of shy.

Just try one thing. Act as you are a noob before any guy, he will not feel shy.
2nd thing is girls use to make fun of silly things but guys want to avoid.

You can read this in a book" why men don't listen, Women cannot read maps"

Whitewulf · Answer

My whole life. I know that I missed out on many chances. Some because they told me later.
luckily a couple of times the girl actually got tired of waiting for me and made the first move. I assumed these girls were out of my league and I’d be walking directly into a rejection. One of them was an absolute 10 and to my surprise was shaking nervously as she talked. Anyways yes even to this day. I think the pain of not knowing or missed opportunity is less than the pain of rejection for me. One rejection is enough to kill my confidence for months.

hahahmm · Answer

Late reply but my take is that there is no such guy as a guy too shy to make a first move. What really happens is that if he doesn't make a move it means he is not motivated/interested enough in you. If you make the first move as a woman you are making a mistake if you want serious because the second he sees a woman who does motivate him he will dump you for her. He won't value you as much since you were "free" and easy to get. If he put int he effort to take a risk and go for you he will value you more than that.

That said, I hear things work differently in places where women outnumber men. In those places all of the guys have an 'eh' tude and the women always need to make a first move: I heard.

mstbooblover · Answer

Oh yes, some guys are too shy to make the first move. Not to be proud of probably, but I was such a guy. Yes, stupid me... Actually I still got married, but to be honest it's my wife who made the first move, and sure enough I did very willingly indulge with her... By the way, why shouldn't girls make that first move from time to time? The more I wonder, considering how things evolve around "me too" situations, at what point approaching a girl is going to be considered by the involved girl as harassing...

The fear of being rejected is indeed one of the major reasons for being shy in those circumstances, and also being rather naïve as I then was. Mind I had good reasons for not daring to approach girls in spite of how much I was interested in them. Due to particular situations in my family, I had had the opportunity to live through as well the worst as the best aspects in women in general.

236color · Answer

Yes. Is it true some women are so cruel when a guy they don't want approaches them that they scare off anyone else from making an approach? I'm not talking about aggressive, entitled, rapey assholes. I mean guys you're just not into. I'm not saying you have to date them, maybe just don't TRY to break his spirit.

Rangers · Answer

Of course it is, I've found that the hardest part is building up the courage to go and say hi.

What do I say? What if she's taken? What if she thinks I'm creepy? What if I make a fool of myself? What if, what if, he needs to stop thinking about that and go try it, or he'll be there all night, asking so many questions that there's no perfect answer for

molonski2 · Answer

I've seen this happen with some guys who just have no idea , they will sabotage themselves and others due to their insecurities , the best way if of course the opposite " kick it in - or kick it out " , which was always my approach though life , even if they are shocked by the move , sometimes they come back and if they dont , nothing ventured.

HawkPerception · Answer

Yup absolutely true. Can't tell you how many times I've passed on attempting to try and ask a girl out because I figured she was so attractive and above my level, I could never get with her. On top of that, with the way women are nowadays, it makes them even harder to approach.

Curmudgeon · Answer

Do men want to avoid the risk of false harassment allegations, especially in a work or even a classroom environment?

Have many men be rejected not only so often, but more often than not so brutally, that they no longer bother?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

JacobJordan · Answer

Definitely. My very first attempt at asking a girl out I ended up whispering "will you go out with me?" Took several years to get over that and now here I am married to a gorgeous woman who is everything I ever wanted and more

Anonymous · Answer

I'm too "shy" to make a move sometimes too. I have no problem approaching women and talking to them, but if they don't give any hints and don't show romantic interest, especially at work, I am reluctant to make the first move because I don't want to bother them. Although I started dating 9 years ago, I am still anxious when asking a girl out, but I still do it.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Sure does! They don't call it liquid courage for nothing! I've been reluctant/anxious with REALLY pretty girls because I think I had no chance. Turns out nobody approaches them for same reason and their left single cuz of a wrong assumption.

genericname85 · Answer

making the first move is always the result of calculating your odds of a positive outcome vs the risk of a negative outcome. not making the first outcome is always the result of the negative outcome being estimated as being more likely. i think it's not a result of being shy. but a result of not being confident.

Yannae · Answer

Yes, we have those emotions as well. We can experience the same emotions that you have. We are a different gender, differently built physically, but that's all there is when it comes to differences.

Dongie · Answer

Yep. Happened to me in 1975. We went to see Jaws, my first date. I had my arm around her and another pair was with us. Our best friends respectively and Larry kept nudging me to kiss her. I wasn't as scared but twice he did it just as I was leaning in to get my first kiss. And it so upset me that he thought I needed help there I gave up and ignored him and watched the show. I bitched him out after we left.

Loner111 · Answer

I wouldn't say their being shy, but just careful.

Today, just about everything is considered sexual harassment, inappropriate, unprofessional, harassment, he's coming off too strong, too fast, doing the right thing at the wrong moment makes a woman run for hills and ghost...

Bottom line, if a woman wants the guy, she will have to do the chasing.

This is the society we live in today.

Anonymous · Answer

Let's say you decide to gamble at the slot machine

-There's a 25% chance that you win

-There's a 50% chance that you draw and win/loose nothing

-There's a 50% chance that you loose

In this case winning is getting a girlfriend. And loosing is being called a creep and having your life ruined.

Would you take that chance even if its only 25%?

Siri137 · Answer

Yes, it happens. How could you not know this?

elaphe · Answer

Yes, especially today men have to worry about being labeled "perverted" if they go in for a kiss. This is coupled with the fear of rejection by the girl.

thegreenyogi · Answer

I can be certain but I am sure there are lots of guys that are really shy to approach me personally.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I think for some guys who are virgins, young or inexperienced it might be true. What have you noticed with your boyfriends?

Gert_Mittengard · Answer

Yes. Some guys just stumbled over themselves. It's a challenge for many men, being tongue tied, but it's a habit grown out of with confidence and maturity.

SotiCoto · Answer

Sometimes. More often than not I wouldn't reckon it is shyness so much as women are notorious for sending mixed signals and guys just don't want to gamble on uncertainty.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Yeah, I can be that type of guy, or the other way around where I move in too fast.. A lot of men are really insecure, or have been discouraged from approaching women..

slatyb · Answer

Yes, it is true. They feel inadequate and fear rejection. I was like that in my twenties. When I was divorced in my thirties I was over it.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

Yes. Men can be shy. Women need to start taking the initiative if they want dates out of these men

ApplePie409 · Answer

Yes, and on this site, they don't want advice.

DextroShade · Answer

Well if she doesn't like him he will likely be labeled a creep and maybe even reported for sexual harassment.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

See: mysterypersona Asked Can you please help me figure out if this girl likes me?

Rieper893 · Answer

absolutely yes, I blew my chance with my crush couple years ago. I didn't mean it happen. I am shy person

snowboarder720 · Answer

Yes, absolutely. It definitely happens to the best of us. Obviously not everyone but few do this.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Translator  it is disturbing that there are people that have to even ask that question obviously yes there are! And many of them will probably never find a girl

MikeTheBartender · Answer

2 decades behind the bar... MOST GUYS ARE TOO SHY TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

Anonymous · Answer

I would say that is true. Though its also true that most men are afraid to make the first move too. This is due to things like the #metoo movement. Its dangerous to make the first move, the potential cost, out weights the potential benefit.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

yeah but this gender dynamic, will never change, at least i highly doubt it though, i don't see it ever becoming more common for women to be the initiators

Twalli · Answer

Most guys who are too shy to make move aren't likely to sabotage their chances, unless you count not going after a girl until it's too late (someone else already asked her out).

exitseven · Answer

Yes, I certainly was. Even if I knew a girl liked me I would be too afraid to make a move

Nifrayu · Answer

Of course. Just like some gals are too shy to make the first move.

AmeerX · Answer

It happens but I always asked the girl out.  It's just they wouldn't be interested or lead me on which is the worst.

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

Kissing and sex are things i have never done before and i can say i wouldn't even know where to begin to initaite something like that.

Motivated94 · Answer

Its true some men are nervouse of all sort things, insucrities, rejection, cristisim, how she might feel, what she says no, all sorts things past truama in past crushes went south.

handsomelad70 · Answer

LOTS of us are too shy to make the first move.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Social anxiety is a real thing so of course it happens.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It surely does happens miss kat, i was one of these guys back when i was a teenager 😄

Wvcountrykid · Answer

I know I am. I'm a very shy guy and I Don't really approach women or talk to them. Sometimes I will flirt with em but that's really it

Anonymous · Answer

Well maybe she is not dropping enough hints in some cases

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Of course. That’s like asking “is the sky blue?”

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah men are stuck with this whether we like it or not

Anonymous · Answer

You do realise that guys/men have more than chicks on their minds. Heck it's competitive world and we gotta survive to even exist

Fireguy17 · Answer

Yeppers, nothing uncommon with that.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

All men are thief and they always seek the chance to steal. So if they see their tactics are not working they back up.

Libarena · Answer

Unfortunately.

Iron_Man · Answer

It’s very true

Is it true that some guys are too shy to make the first move?

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Are guys really too shy to make the first move?

Is it true that some guys are too shy to make the first move?

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Are guys really too shy to make the first move?

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