Even shy guys will make a move?

Even shy guys will make a move and approach women if they really want to?

I was brought up in an old-fashioned way and I think the guy should always ask the girl out and the guy should pursue the girl. I think that if a guy doesn't make the first move then he's either not interested, or not interested that much.

I know guys can be just as shy as girls, but since men are typically "hunters", doesn't that mean if you REALLY like a girl you will go out of your way to get her even if you are shy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • In the dating game, no matter what type of chick that you are, you need to allow a guy to chase you. No matter how far we have come in terms of the modern women, a guy will simply not be in the long term attracted to you if you pursue him. Plus it's really not that fun chasing a guy anyways!

    The most that you can do in this situation is to encourage him and let him know that if he so happened to ask you out that you would accept. Basically flirt like crazy around him, but leave it at that. Don't start trying to call him, randomly bump into him or anything, because that just way too obvious.

    With that said, if he still doesn't notice, then you just might have to face the fact that he just isn't that into you and move onto the next guy that will give you the attention that you deserve

    All the best =)

    Hot Alpha Female

    • Hey, its no fun the the nice guys to chase women either. how about evening the playing field here!!!

    • Show All
    • All men are evil and pathetic creatures or most are. Unfortunately men are horrible. Most are dysfunctional and evil. If ur lucky to find a decent guy good for you. Most males are selfish narcissistic pricks who will make u suffer. I have been nothing but kind to him and then I've been basically crapped on by all men basically just treat men like shit because if you're nice to them they will treat you like shit and if you treat them like crap though come crawling back to you because they're fucked up psychos

    • @Jennsmith9982 you're a guy.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Answer: Depends on how much you let them now.

    The more shy he is, the more of a clear signal he needs. That's the definition of shyness. If he would approach any female in sight, he'd be a womanizer, not a shy guy.

    My general (long-ranty) answer however is that I believe women are way too passive and subtle. They tend to want men to be telepathic, to be able to tell you like them, just because you looked at them from 50 feet away with a half a second glance. You're just setting yourself up for playas, womanizers and other emotionless guys.

    If you want a good, kind guy who will treat you as a person, be a person. If you present yourself as a reward to be won over, don't be surprised if you attract jerks who you treat you like their property.

    • Wow. I think this is so true.

    • Show All
    • yes I do always get the jerks as they are the only ones that chase me haha

    • @timberlake this is pretty much what the shy guy is feeling too; risking rejection, being embarrassed for putting himself in a vulnerable situation. I am quite shy myself and find it hard to approach and show interest for those reasons. Best thing to do I think for all parties involved is to be friendly with no thoughts of the outcome and if you do find that there is chemistry, a connection, what have you, then just make sure to show interest before the opportunity escapes you.

  • being a "hunter" has no impact whatsoever on whether or not a guy will go after a girl. They're two completely different things. Asking a guy to do all that is putting a lot of responsibility on him and makes him wonder whether or not you're worth the trouble. Relationships in the modern world need to be equal effort for both the man and the woman, and asking the man to have all the responsibilities and do all the work just doesn't work in today's world. You might as well go live on a commune or something.

    To answer your question about whether or not shy guys can get up the guts to do it or not, well, if they could, they wouldn't be shy.

  • There is no such thing as a 'dating game'. It is not a game, at least for me. If you are interested in someone, you could wait for the guy to initiate something - but what if he's shy and hoping you will make a first move? If both parties are equally shy, then the chance anything will happen is practically zero. And what if you two would fit perfectly? Imagine the love that could follow?

    Girls like this 'old-fashioned' rule, but that's mostly because they never risk being turned down. It's easier if the guy makes the first move, giving you the power to choose whether or not to go out with him. Why would HE have to make the first move, and not you? When he does it first, he'll also feel like a dumbass if you don't like him. While sticking to this old-fashioned stuff, they demand emancipation - so they want to advance in one area, but not in the other. Believe me, I have nothing against emancipation and would only encourage women.

    Trust me, if you like a guy and he's not making the first move - even after you tried some flirting - ask him directly. Some guys won't notice you immediately, or don't pick up flirting well. The way a guy reacts says a lot about his personality and you'll soon enough find out if he's a jerk (in which case you now know you don't want him as a boyfriend anyway) or if he's nice (in which case you're out of luck if he says no).

    I consider myself to be pretty shy, and hardly ever asked a girl out. I only did so when I was really interested because I was really sure I liked the girl. In other cases I was interested, but afraid it would not work out because I still had to get to know her more. That's why I never asked the girl out and I'll never know if something could have been - I do regret that. But had she asked me out first, I would have said yes.

    Personally I think it's attractive when a girl takes the first move, it shows some confidence. I'm bad in picking up flirting, which is a reason I do always go out with a girl that makes the first move - even though I don't like her that way, but I do make that clear right away so the choice is up to her if she would still like to have a coffee with me or something.

    In the end, I never chase a girl too much. It can be fun for a short period of time, but when she continues seeing it as a game that needs to played I stop - no matter how much I like her. A girl that plays with me isn't worth it, because I'm serious about it.

    • I feel exactly what your saying. This shy girl keeps showing me obvious signs (blushing, staring) but I feel like she's playing games with me to try and get my attention and talk to her. Another girl who is more social is talking to me a lot more and trying to get to know me. Tbh, when I think about the both of them, I feel way more attracted to the more social girl. I've gotten to the point where I don't even care about the shy girl and want to ask out the social girl. It's just that I don't like being ignored or played with, its actually really rude even if your shy (but come on your an adult, how can you still be THAT shy).

  • Shyness stems from a fear of rejection, and rejection begets more rejection. Basically, if a guy has a low opinion of himself, it will hurt that much more to try and fail. The guys who are out there pursuing girls all of the time don't mind rejection because they know that they're playing the odds--eventually, a girl will accept them. Guys who don't usually pursue girls tend to wait for the ideal moment to approach them--a moment that may never happen.

    You don't need to ask the guy out. Even for shy guys, that can be emasculating. However, some more obvious flirting may be in order. If you make it clear that you like him, he'll be much more likely to make the first move. Just remember that guys aren't psychic; if they don't know that you like them, then they have less reason to make a move.

    • I do not agree... what you are saying is play mind games.... being asked out or having a girl show interest in you in a direct way is not emasculating at all. It's refreshing because like you said men are not mind readers.

      I will never feed a female's ego nor will I feed my own based on a girl letting me know she may like me.

    • In her question, she said she prefers to be asked by the guy. Therefore, if she is forced into doing the asking, she may think less of him. If he is the type of guy who doesn't appreciate being asked out, he may think less of her. I approached the question from that angle. Do you consider flirting to be a mind game? Would you date someone based on pure, hard logic without incorporating your own feelings?

    • I think it is VERY emasculating for the guy and fo rme... I feel liek the man and will think less of a guy that can't get the courage to go after what he wants, just as some guys don't like being asked out as that makes a girl seem more "manly" and assertive/aggressive, which doesn't work when you have two aggressive people in a r/s. I'm shy and passive, so need my opposite

  • No, there are plenty and plenty of shy guys that will never, ever make a move. It's sad, but that's life.

  • its called sexual harassment.

    in an age where men can get sued, or fired for just saying "hello" to a bitchy gal. some guys won't go near a woman unless its Proven she won't be 2-faced.

    I used to have a job years ago where all us guys shared one rule, DON'T say hello to the women who work in the sales dept!

    one guy got fired just for sitting at the same table in the lunch room.

    2 months AFTER he got fired, we all found out he was GAY! the girl had NOTHING to complain about!

    end of story.they never hired him back, but the boss gave him a good ref. and the girl lost so much trust from all co-workers, she ended up resigning, because no one would help her out!

    "teamwork" was big in that place, so you can imagine how bad she looked!

    • OK but what about if you're not in a work environment? do you think a guy will still approach a girl if he really is into her?

  • This is pure BS. Old-Fashion is a lame way to say that you are weak. And you want to be in control. It pretty much means you like to play mind games IMO.

    There is no such thing as always by the way. I think girls should also take some of the risk. I never pursue. Never! Even if I really like the person. If she can't let me know that she likes me oh well, we will never know then. I have had situations were there might have been the possibility to have a relationship form between me and another but since she did not say anything directly nothing ever happened and we go on to either be just friends or she would leave my life and no longer would talk to me.

    Even if I tried to talk to her after the fact. What I find funny is that girls when they don't get their opportunity to reject the guy they get pissed and don't want to deal with the guy not even as a friend. That's so dumb and it makes the girl look crazy. One day you just stop talking to me. No warning no question and no reason. When this happens to me and it has a lot. I just shake my head and say I'm glad we did not get into something deeper. because now I dee how crazy you are.

    If I don't take the risk then you can't be my friend? I am the same guy just a few months ago that you enjoyed hanging with and talking to. Now in your eyes I'm a loser . ( I have had this happen to me and it shocked me. No I'm not jaded I just don't play the game)

    Girls all I can say is if you like a guy...be direct and let him know. If you like a guy and you don't let him know then please don't expect him to make a move. shy or not. It is just not worth the risk. I rather be your friend then having that odd moment where I thought there was something and it turns out there was nothing,. I am not in the business of boosting your ego.

    I have never been rejected because I never put myself in that position. Old fashion is code for weakness and need to have your ego stroked. If I really want to be with a women. It is my hope that she would want to be with me and she would let me know first.

    • As a girl I think we have more to lose. If a girl doesn't like a guy she would just reject him and it's over. If a girl is really forward and the guy is not that into her, I've seen a lot of guys just "go along with it" and end up playing the girl and taking advantage of her being more into him than he is her. If I let him approach then I know he's not going for me just because. It's not that I want to be in control like just because a guy approaches me doesn't mean I think he is my bitch lol

    • Show All
    • Omg I just signed up here to reply on what you wrote , I am a girl and what you wrote about is just like the case I am living now , but I really can't show that guy that I like him , and he doesn't do anything to show me that he loves me , I know he does , but he's shy , I've been trying to do some stuff that might help but bhe still doesn't get it .. I'm starting to do as you wrote , I wanna stop talking 2 him and I find him a loser , why can't he make a move 4 god's sake ?we weren't friends b4

    • it's not weak at all... I am shy and STILL HAVE ASKED GUYS OUT... if I can do it they can too. It's purely we want you to be the man and if you're too shy to do that how are youg oing to be a good husband and father and head of household, take charge, and provide/protect your family? That's what I see when I see a guy that has guts to ask a girl out vs not. Also, it's true, some guys never were interested in you but say yes to a date just to have a date. If they LIKE YOU they ask you out

  • Not exactly. I'm a shy guy and this has been a lifelong problem. I can speak punlicly or even be shot at and not be that nervious, but if I see some attractive lady sitting accross the room, I just can't make myself get over there and start talking with her. It sounds so simple to do when typing it out, but it feels so hard when there. It would make my life infinitely easier if she just at least came and sat near or next to me so I can at least know there's probably something mutual.

  • Women is silly and naive creatures. Lemme educate u, gender doesn't play a role n the dating game. Since when did the rule "its the guys job" invented? I dont see it anywhere '-'
    If u like sumone, juz go for it or else juz leave it and say fawk it, im ugly and move on. Otherwise juz go and fawken approach them. We're juz as scared and anxious as y'all -.-'
    Go home with diamond and pearls or go home with empty handed. U choose ;3

  • No, I dont think so...

  • You would have done quite well living in the 19th century.

  • Sometimes when the guy is really interested in a girl it can be hard for him to get up the courage to ask her out because he fears she'll turn him down. Sometimes also shy guys are shy because they have lower self esteem and figure the girl will never go out with him so he won't ask. Yeah it's a self fulfilling prophecy since by not asking he makes it so he won't get the chance to go out with her if she did say yes. However, that fear of reject is so strong he doesn't want to risk getting reject in order to ask her out.

    • Yeah I totally agree

    • well I guess he'll be lonely forever... unless he wants an aggressive girl that wears the pants in the r/s and tells him what to do

What Girls Said 14

  • I have found that not to be true at all! I have liked this shy guy for months now (and I know that he likes me because his brother said he does, plus you can really tell). Anyway, for four months he didn't make a move so I finally gave him my number. He called twice from a blocked number and didn't say anything. From the advice given here I know that it's going to take me initiating asking him out. Some guys are just really, really shy and no matter how much they like you, they just can't work up the nerve to say something. I think that since its 2008 and women are declaring that anything a man can do, we can do better, then why isn't asking a guy out included? I believe in going for what you want! LOL.

    • He was probably really scared.

      and yes I know you woman don't bite=/

  • I was raised fairly old fashioned as well. I definitely think there are certain ways girls and guys should conduct themselves. I enjoy being a lady and like when guys are gentlemen, however I think it's okay for a girl to pursue a guy. I'm just of the mindset- if I want something I have to try to get it. And if I decided I wanted to date a guy who was shy I wouldn't feel weird about saying "hey I like you, let's go out and get to know each other better".

    I don't like the "hunt" to be confused with chivalry :)

    I really didn't answer your question... I just rambled a side thought, haha.

    • I like how so many girls are saying "I was raised old fashioned so...." wtf does that mean? I was raised to believe in God in a very religious family. I have never believed in God and I never will. Just because you are raised a certain way does not mean you must live that way. At least for me, I don't know perhaps the rest of you are just robots awaiting your programming. Where are the girls that grew up old fasioned but became more up to date? On that note, where are the opposites too?

    • and were are the guys that were taught to court a woman and go oafter the ones he thinks are "marriage material"? Guys these days are not taught how to be a man

  • I completely agree! if you notice it's only the SHY GUYS THAT COMPLAIN ha ha the more outgoing guys don't have a problem with it, esp. if I'm giving him the green light he should make a move or he's 1. not confident enough 2. not interested enough and I want a guy that LIKES ME. You can either ask out a bunch of semi interested guy or wait for prince charming...

    • Pink, you write very well and have had some very thoughtful insights into this question. Shy men/boys can make ideal companions and they can also be nightmares. But their shyness may or may not be relevant to their character and abilities. Abraham Lincoln, Bill Gates, Gayle Sears, Jim (JC) Penney and Thomas Jefferson were all shy with women but highly successful in a number of Fields. Now you may dismiss this as coincidence but I think if you explore this a little further and give "some" of these guys a chance to explain themselves you may be surprised what lies beneath the seemingly indifferent looks. In some cases shyness may very well mean incompetence, but I believe in most cases it does not. All of us have found ourselves in socially awkward situations and sometimes are response IS incompetent (especially teens).
      But most of us learn as we go and adapt, but not at the same speed.
      If you haven't guessed already, I am a shy guy, pretty competent but I still "blow it" from

    • time to time and I try to take that experience and learn from it. It's true a lot of guys whine and turn into cynical, unhappy people. But most of us don't want that and are constantly trying to defeat the enemy within.

  • Ladies, listen to Hot-Alpha-Female. She knows what she is talking about. Let me break it down for you. This isn't about sexism, gender equality, or about women being passive wallflowers waiting for a man to "take charge". No. The fact is that your average guy, by the time he has hit his mid-twenties, already has some experience pursuing women. Because most guys are looking for sex and not thinking about love they will usually put half-assed effort into trying to date you. However, if you accept half-assed effort from him (eg, calling you after a week, calling you after midnight, texting then ignoring you for days, etc), then you have given him permission to treat you like you're nothing special. Once you allow him to treat you in a half-assed way you begin a vicious cycle of letting him take you for granted. In the meantime he is slowly falling in love with that other girl who doesn't have time to put up with crap and who only dates guys who have earned the right to be with her. How does it look like when a man really thinks you are special? Well, he is always planning dates with you. In between your dates he contacts you and talks about when you will see each other again. If this is the kind of guy you want to date--one who acts like he is lucky to have you--then you must not accept lazy effort from any man. Think of yourself as Rapunzel at the top of the tower except there is no hair and nothing that will help a guy climb up to you. Most men fail or are just unwilling to find a way to climb up to you. Those you can ignore. The ones you do pay attention to are the ones that have decided to climb to the top of the tower. These men who risk life, limb, and a possible broken heart, are the only men who will be worth your time to date because they will cherish you beyond all other.

  • I was born and raised to believe that it's the guy who will ask the girl out first. Yet, after reading this and noticing some situations (included mine) I feel like I can only let the guy to see that I'm interested and cared for him. I am not even sure if he has feelings for me or not because his behaviors are confusing. One day he acts like he smiles after serving while I am singing along with the choir and looking straight at his direction although I don't sit with them; the other day he acts like normal...just like don't have any interests in me.

    He poked me before and when I turned around he gave me a big smile, but did not say anything until I said something. For no reason, he just deleted and blocked me online. YET, at church he always has the behaviors like I just mentioned above. Any ideas why he acts like that? I'm so lost!

  • Sorry not everyone abides by your rules.

  • thats exactly how I was raised and taught to think .it totally makes sense even though I'm a girl

  • Weirdly enough, I found myself in the same situation with a co-worker that I had a crush on. Finally, in a round about way, I asked him how he felt and he told me "worst case scenario, we'll always be good friends. " that was a total blow because I felt a real connection with him, but I want a real man and I'm sure you do too! You deserve someone who thinks you are special enough to court. If he's too insecure and too shy to pursue you, you have to ask yourself, what else will he be too shy and insecure to do. Take my advice and find a man, not a boy.

    • 100 percent agree! a real guy will pursue/chase/court! Too shy or insecure is not my type and asking a girl out is how I gauge that

  • This is bullshit. A girl can initiate but a guy does need to make the moves. It's just how it is. A girl can but a guy should. Don't listen to the men here they are crazy and sick and most need psychological help

  • I think that if someone really likes you he or she will go out of way to show it, it doesn't really matter whether your shy or not. If you need an excuse then maybe your not feeling it.

  • From experience I believe the guy should pursue the girl. Almost every time I have tried to pursue a guy it has not turned out well, but if you let the guy some to you then it works. I think most guys like the chase and girls like to be chased.

  • Your statement is true because it really happened -- a very shy guy did that to a very shy girl. But this leads to another question, if the guy and the girl are both shy and they both like each other very much, but they're too shy to tell each other, how do you make it work? I think that I'm in that situation!

    • I've been in that situation many times. Guess what! It doesn't work!

    • Thats a very good question

    • it doesn't work... I'm shy and this is why I am not attracted to shy/passive guys... I nneed a bolder take charge kind of man

  • My guy is soo shy..so at the beginning of the relationship I'm the one who asked him out and I'm the one who gave him my number and I'm the one who told him I liked him first..I knew he liked me and that he was shy to talk with me..but look at us know were doing great and I broke the shyness from him and from a few days he told me that he loves me..you see it's all about guys getting shy..so you have to make the move..that's not new.

    • ahh.. I like a guy too.. he's a shy person..
      well, a lot of things happened..
      He never admit his real feeling to , e.. I even asked his close friend about this and
      asked for advice..until one day, his friend told me that he likes me too..
      but he's too shy to tell me..

  • Not always I'm a shy girl and I liked this guy who was very shy we kissed once but he never tried to ask me out or anything after it because he was too shy so I thought ok I'm shy as well so for once ill be the 1 to step up and make the 1st move I got his number texted him seen if he wanted to meet up and he did and everything went really well so guys won't always pursue the girl times have changed and girls should not wait around for the guy to do something you want to.