Why would a guy still talk to a girl he feels is unstable?

[Anonymous]

( In the beginning) I pushed him away, I told him I’m a walking red flag and he agreed, I said things that wasn’t logical, I misunderstood things…

I ended up getting hurt and rejected in the end and he ended up calling me crazy… but he already knew that so why continue?

I gave red flags day one

im unstable

[bobby_bush_eater]

As someone with a history of being attracted to unstable girls... It was usually their beauty for me.

Also the classic and always stupid "I can fix her". Also sometimes you're not really seeing people for who they are.

I was with a girl who was wildly unstable with BPD and I thought she was exaggerating. She was amazing with me with rare streaks of rage that were short and I thought that was it. Then I actually saw what she'd meant... She was not lying.

Hopefully my anecdote kinda helps

[Asker]

I have bpd too…. We are wild

It was their physical beauty?

[bobby_bush_eater]

Well it was a combination of things I definitely simplified it a lot naturally but I'd say their physical beauty is what initially captivated in me in both girls (one with BPD and the other had a horrible family life).

I genuinely loved both of them when they were "normal" but I'd just entirely ignore certain behaviors that are definitely massive red flags when they were having bad times.

I've legitimately never felt helpless or just completely distressed in my life so I was constantly just trying to fix everything for them. This eventually pissed both of them off lol

What kept me around wasn't just sex (noticeably better with these 2 girls) and their looks but it is definitely what initially caught my eye and caused me to ignore a lot of red flags.

[Asker]

That’s beautiful…

I think with this guy he just wanted sex. I took sex off the table and he ghosted but at the same time he said he was scared to sleep with me because he felt I would be “crazier “…

[bobby_bush_eater]

Ya at that point you just cut your losses. If a boundary like that scares someone it's probably for the better

[TommyMountainFigure]

Speaking as someone who years ago was in a similar position to him now. I liked the prospect of the challenge. To be the one to tame the beast so to speak.. (not calling you a beast, but in a non linear sense, the beast of the unknown situation)

[Asker]

So the actual challenge… no concern or care for her

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yes to both. The challenge wasn't for challenge sake. I really liked her and thought I could make her be less antagonistic to the world, and ultimately be happy. She use to punch me a lot though, and was still never happy. I was young and naive. I never realised at the time, the only person who could change her, was her and unless she really wanted to be happy and enjoy life, nothing I said or did could help!

[TommyMountainFigure]

'Yes to both' meant I was concerned and did very much care for her

[Asker]

I thought he cared but I think he just wanted sex because he said he was scared to sleep with me because I’ll be crazier

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm certain he cared for you too, he just wasn't equipped to deal with your BPD.
I'm going to explain something to you. You having bpd means you can only see the world through the eyes of someone with bpd, where as someone without it and especially someone who lacks the understanding of what it means to be bpd simply cannot see what you see. To them, they see craziness, but then they sometimes miss the person who is good and kind underneath. So my view of it is I don't think he was merely looking for sex and then turned away from you, I think he was genuinely ignorant of your condition, and so he just couldn't see things from your perspective.

[Asker]

I don’t think you ghost people who feel have bpd… ofc that triggered me and I sent multiple messages and I told him that what he was doing is weighing on my mental health Then that’s when he decided to call me and give proper closure/rejection

[Asker]

He doesn’t know I have bpd but he said he feels I’m unstable

[TommyMountainFigure]

But thats my point.. you have BPD, yet all he sees because he is ignorant to it is craziness. That's why he just disappeared. But I still maintain he cared for you..

[Asker]

No he didn’t… he didn’t really respect me either

I just don’t believe he cared at all.

It’s been 7 months….

I still don’t believe that someone who cares would ghost you or call you crazy because they are scared you’ll be attached after sex… which is normal…

Caring about someone is caring about how you make them feel

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can only answer from my own perspective. You have to remember him and me are probably nothing alike, even though we have been in identical situations.

[Asker]

Yes but you actually loved and cared for her

He didn’t… he just eventually wanted sex

[TommyMountainFigure]

I did I cared for her a great deal, and I suppose I tried to see things from his perspective in order to answer your question, but of course that will only work if he's a nice guy. The more I'm finding out about him, the less I believe he is anything like me!

[Asker]

Yeah, I don’t think he’s actually a good guy. Not like I thought… he really hurt me and I still think about him after 7 months

[TommyMountainFigure]

I hate seeing good people hurting. I just hope the next guy you meet is much nicer and treats you better.

[Explorer91]

getting something out of it that he won't tell you. Attention, company, money, sex, someone to vent to about the stress in their life, etc. I dont know your situation. But there's usually a reason why. Even if the person won't say.

[Asker]

So true

[WhitneySnow]

Sometimes a guy will talk to a girl who seems unstable just because he likes her (and vice versa). Are you guys talking now? Did he tell you he likes you?

[Kaneki05]

Lemma guess you have a Bpd, and well that answers your question.
Bpd naturally attracts.
If you don't have Bpd then he's just crazy too lol.

[avery58]

Sounds like he was just trying to have sex with you unfortunately

[Asker]

But he said he was scared to sleep with me

[avery58]

I don't know then, did you ask him why he kept talking to you?

[Asker]

He said he didn’t know

He did kind of ghost me after the date

[avery58]

Maybe he was drawn to you but changed his mind and thought it would be better to stop seeing you, but he handled it the wrong way

[Asker]

Yeah and it deeply hurt me

[avery58]

Sorry to hear that. Give yourself some time to heal, you'll feel better. In the meantime try to focus on healthy habits, or studying so you won't think so much about it. One of the things that helps me is to watch a series or movie to divert my mind.

[meepmeeperton]

He probably thought he could “fix” you and realized he couldn’t.

[Asker]

He ended up doing me the worst way lol knowing someone is “unstable “…. Then purposely hurt them call them crazy and then ghost

[Telekinetic-Potato]

All women are unstable and crazy, we're just trying to find one that we can work with

[SotiCoto]

Generations of women playing mind-games has resulted in men learning to completely ignore certain things... often to their own detriment.

[Anonymous]

You didn't let this dude smash, that's why he gave up. 😜

[Asker]

Yep, he ghosted me when I took sex off the table

[Opinion Owner]

There, you have your confirmation sis.

[Asker]

But he also said he was scared to sleep with me because he was scared I’ll be crazier

[Opinion Owner]

He felt like you won't let him smash, so he said that to "humble" you. He wants you to be frustrated about what he said, look for validation from him, and then let him smash.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just fall for a girl who might be crazy.

[noohair]

he thinks he can fix you. The only person you have any chance of fixing is you.

[Asker]

Just for him to hurt me in the end

[InsecureLivesMatter]

Because we judge by looks, highkey and lowkey.

[ProbablyClueless]

Entertainment value.

[In_Trance]

For the chance to smash

[Jason2469]

He wants his dick sucked

[Anonymous]

He tried looking past that to see the good in you

[RedInnocent69]

You must be hot.

[Asker]

Guess not

He ghosted me after the date