Should I stop seeing this guy?

[Anonymous]

I recently started seeing this guy. We've only been on one date. He is nice to me, asks me loads and loads of questions about myself, we have nice conversations. But there are some red flags I have noticed. When talking about his ex, he calls her jealous and said she didn't like him talking to other women as friends. When I was talking about being scared to bring something up to my ex in my past relationship, he said he could relate because his ex was "too emotional". I asked what he meant by this and how he handled this, and he ignored my question and said she was "way too into him". He also keeps making the same joke that I am so lucky that he wants to go on dates with, that he reached out to me because he "rarely dates". He's made this joke about five or six times. I don't know why he keeps saying it. He has complimented me and stuff, but it's weird. He lives an hour away from me and I have had a past relationship where it was long distance and told him it was hard for me, he said he could relate because after his ex and him finished university, he didn't want to make the effort to see her, but that wasn't because of the distance, it was because his feelings changed.

This really, really freaks me out because my ex used to make these same comments about his exes, and he turned out to be emotionally abusive. I would also have to beg my ex to see me and it was horrible for me. Also, this new guy claims he has only ever been on dates with his ex and never with anyone else, but I matched with him on dating apps in January which was ages ago. I got into a relationship with someone else, which is why we stopped talking in January and have only started dating as of a week ago. So I think he could be lying about never dating?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, those are definitely some red flags jumping out at me too. Most of what he's saying about past relationships point to him being the common denominator of the problems, not the women. A couple things stand out:

- Calling an ex "jealous" and "too emotional" is a classic tactic abusers use to isolate their partner and blame shift for their own poor behavior.

- Bragging that he "rarely dates" and you're "so lucky" to go out with him reeks of manipulation and an inflated ego.

- Contradicting his story about past dating history is suspicious.

- Making excuses for not making effort with an ex is immature.

I'd be very wary moving forward. His disrespectful comments about women and inconsistencies would be big turn offs for me. Also, dating someone who lives an hour away while it's still so new sounds like potential for games/mixed signals down the road. You did the right thing recognizing the red flags - trust your gut girl! I'd cool it with this dude personally before getting in any deeper. You seem smart - don't settle for less than you deserve!

[spartan55]

You seem to be attracted to guys that talk about their exes FAR too much. An hour away? I wouldn't bother.