Found pictures and videos of onlyfans creators on my bfs computer. Tried to talk to him about it and now he can’t trust me?

[Anonymous]

Hey there! Need some advice! My boyfriend lent me his computer since mine crashed. I downloaded something from my email because I needed it. I lost it so I went into spotlight search and typed in downloads. First thing that popped up was a folder of a bunch of videos and pictures from these girls on OnlyFans. I had asked him about it very calmly, saying I’m not mad or angry but felt uncomfortable at the fact that they were downloaded. I had also asked him if he was on OnlyFans. He immediately got defensive and questioned why I was snooping through his stuff. He also said that he’s no longer on onlyfans and that it was all old stuff from a while ago. I tried to be open and have an honest conversation with him about it now he says there’s little to no trust anymore, and that he can’t have his privacy. I had also asked him how he would feel if he went through my phone and saw dick pics or videos and he said he wouldn’t care because I’m with him at the end of the day. He says he’s not mad but says I invaded his privacy and he feels like he can’t trust me. He didn’t really know how to feel so he asked me to leave and now I don’t know what to think. We’ve been together for basically 2 years and everything’s been great. We don’t fight and we are planning on moving in together soon. I feel like I just ruined the best thing that’s happened to me. Please help. I should probably also mention this is his first relationship.

[avery58]

Why do girls who find weird things always let themselves get gaslit and end up throwing their dignity away? If you didn't search through his computer with the purpose of finding incriminating things and came across it completely by accident then why is he being so defensive about it if what he says is true? It's almost as if he's trying to divert the attention and make you look like the bad guy for some reason isn't it?

You came across and it and were concerned so you asked him, his response tells you everything you need to know in that he doesn't really care to communicate a problem like this and doesn't care for your concerns if he feels it makes him look bad.

[Anonymous]

''I feel like I just ruined the best thing that’s happened to me. Please help. ''

No. You just dodged a bullet. When he said ''I invaded his privacy and he feels like he can’t trust me. ''

This is clear projection, guilt tripping and manipulation. He is the one that cannot be trusted so is projecting this fact. You were not snooping, you were trying to download what you lost. If all of this was truly in the past, his reaction wouldn't have been in that way. Also, he would have said something about forgetting to delete all of them and just went a head and done that.

You need to look at this for what it is. A warning of a serious redflag that would have reared its ugly head after moving in together. If you couldn't calmly have an open conversation with him, what is going to happen later on after moving in together with something more serious that needs to be discussed?

[Danny_dan92]

Save yourself the bs.




End the relationship

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

If they are saved, there was possibly dates on the files to see how recent they were to know if he was lying about the age of the photos.

Overall, I'd say that he really doesn't have too much of a right to be upset. There really shouldn't be any secrets between the two of you. If he's keeping these pics, it's the same as him viewing porn and if you are ok with him doing that then there is nothing really wrong from his end either. If not, then you need to communicate that with him. Either way, he needs to be able to communicate about this without shutting down.

[kylee2437]

Nope. I’d never date someone that spends money on random women and not towards our future. Automatic dump

[In_Trance]

Live and learn. Don't look through his shit in the future.

[Nikki1989]

Dump him. You deserve better.