Why don’t guys my age ever look at me in a way that makes them want to ask me out?

[thatshydork]

So a few days ago, my brothers fiancé was asking me who I liked getting to know most at the engagement party and why. I responded with a guy that is friends of my brothers because he was friendly to me and him and another guy asked to take individual photos with me (my parents wanted me to be the photographer for the night) and because he sat and watched my favorite show with me, which she noticed too. My brothers fiancé then jokingly said “maybe they were hitting on you” and then says to my brother that his friends might’ve been hitting on me. My brother then immediately responds with “no.” I ask him why his response was so prompt and direct and he says he just doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea and that they weren’t trying to flirt with me, they were just trying to be friendly. I told him I know and he went to drop his fiancé off at her moms house where she is staying. However, this whole thing got me wondering why guys my age don’t try to flirt with me? Am I not approachable? Am I not up to their beauty standards? Am I just blind to their flirting?

Before any of you guys accuse me of trolling, I am not. I just want to get some answers is all.
Please don’t be mean.

Updates

1 y

Should I ask him why he was so adamant that his friends weren’t hitting on me?

[Finchie40]

First off , your brother is talking out his ass about his friends not liking you , he is just your older brother and doesn’t want to imagine his friends dating you that’s all. As for guys’ your age not asking you out? That is something only you can figure out , a lot of it can stem down to your personality and how you present yourself , if you are quiet , or shy , most guys’ your age will assume you have no interest in them, especially if you aren’t t making any effort to approach them and get to know them. For anyone to attract anyone, you have to make an effort , most guys’ are shy as well and assume girls’ don’t like them , so if you like a guy , it’s ok for you to approach him , a d try to strike up a conversation with him. We aren’t mind readers and most people are their own worst enemy when they think no one would like them , learn to build confidence in yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Not every person in this world is going to like you or dislike you , so it’s best to take a chance instead of not having an answer at all. Get passed that shyness that is holding you back , I use
To be shy when I was younger , once I realized I had no reason to be shy , and just accepted myself for who I was , I was getting phone numbers from girls ‘ left and right , if I got denied? Oh well , at least I tried

[normalice]

Probably not up to their beauty standards.

There was a girl years ago on here that gained and lost weight easily and summarized how wildly different she is treated depending on her weight. I wish she had written a book (she even had a title "shapeshifter").

So, I'd recommend a diet. Or even fasting for a few days to kick off a serious diet. I've lost about 20 lbs fasting, total. The first two days are the hardest as your body keeps screaming at you that you are choosing to die. But if you keep telling it that it's just being dramatic and has plenty of stored energy if it does the work to use it, by day 3 you will be losing about 2 lbs per day when coupled with light exercise. Do this until you reach the weight you want and then make absolutely sure you stick to a diet plan or it will just come right back.

[thatshydork]

Not to be rude, but isn’t that called an eating disorder? Anorexia?

[normalice]

Everything in moderation. Why isn't it called being an alcoholic if you get completely drunk on new years but don't touch alcohol the rest of the year? No habit is wholly unhealthy as long as you are clear on what counts as excess or qualifies as obsession and stay well away from it.

And anyway, overeating is also an eating disorder. Fasting is just the natural counterbalance to it.

[thatshydork]

Ok. Also, just fyi I don’t overeat.

[normalice]

I didn't mean to imply that you did.

[fonduegirl]

It's not an eating disorder.

Fitness is just attractive to majority of people. And the more beauty standards you meet, the better chances of finding men. It's the quickest route to dating. You've watched kdramas yes?

[thatshydork]

@anon1903 no.

[thatshydork]

Is there something wrong with the way I look now?

[fonduegirl]

Not really.

[fonduegirl]

But people find certain things attractive, like fitness or diet or healthy lifestyle or makeup or travel

[thatshydork]

@anon1903 true

[fonduegirl]

Your brother was being a protective douche

But I somewhat see eye to eye with him on this, since there are men who would hit on everything that moves! Lol

Main thing is, do you like any of them?

[thatshydork]

I mean, I am kind of interested in one of them, but I understand that he likely also sees me as his little sister too/just his friends little sister (I’ve only met him like twice).

[fonduegirl]

He probably doesn't, unless u guys grew up together playing dollhouse or something.

My own brother says a lot of interesting things about his friends' sisters. He'd break their face if they said the same about me. Duality of men

[thatshydork]

That’s good to know actually since I never hear anything about girls from my brothers friends (they’re usually hanging out outside of the house and not with me of course haha)

[fonduegirl]

That's actually good!

You should try asking out the one you're interested in!

The chances of a woman getting rejected is less than ten percent. Not even exaggerating! Y'all should see if it goes somewhere

[thatshydork]

I don’t know… I have a history of being rejected and I don’t want to make things awkward for no reason in case we end up both being in the wedding parties.

[fonduegirl]

Oh. Did the people at least tell you why they rejected you?

In case you wanna work on those traits.

I've been only rejected once or twice, by straight women haha

[thatshydork]

No, mostly just them ghosting me for whatever reason.

[fonduegirl]

That sucks.

If you don't mind asking, from your replies, you come off across as autistic. Are you? Please don't be offended. I'm asking because I can't find anything unattractive about you from what I read, not that I'm implying autistic people are less attractive.

[thatshydork]

No. How do I come across as autistic?

[fonduegirl]

You sound a bit analytical and socially lacking, to be honest.

That's just my opinion though

[thatshydork]

Oh that’s just because I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding. I think people who are not native English speakers might understand me better that way.

As for the social part, I have an active social life, but I am a bit socially awkward though on account of my ADD.

[fonduegirl]

English isn't my first language either. Point taken nevertheless!

Try to ask out the guy. Men don't get asked out a lot, he'd appreciate it.

[thatshydork]

I mean English is my first language, but that’s not the case for half of my family so I try to speak in a way that would be easier for them and others to understand.

I would try to ask him out, but I don’t want to make things awkward if we are going to be around each other a lot. Plus I am afraid my brother will find out and be mad at me.

[fonduegirl]

You can't hold back on your brother's account.

You really like the guy don't you? You should shoot your shot.

If he says yes, great. If not, also great. Remember, he's your brother's friend, not yours. It's worth the risk

[thatshydork]

I don’t know him well enough yet to know just how much I like him tbh. For now, I just think he is attractive and kind and goofy and hard to get out of my mind.

[fonduegirl]

That's a good enough reason to ask him out I suppose.

You guys don't know each other, so you don't have much to lose, ja?

[thatshydork]

If you would like to know more about my most recent interaction with him (AKA the first time I got to know him), there is a question I asked a few days ago on here titled “Why would they ask to take photos with me?”

[fonduegirl]

It's worth a shot, is what I think.

It's upto you.

Life's too short for what ifs.

[thatshydork]

Yeah but it’s also much less to talk about too though in my point of view.

[fonduegirl]

Sounds to me you're afraid of him saying yes and making things awkward

[thatshydork]

More like I’m afraid of him saying no and my brother being mad at me. Also a little bit worried about what to do if he does say yes because I’ve never gone on a date before. I’ve had a boyfriend, but it wasn’t serious and I’ve never been on a real date.

[fonduegirl]

You'll never find out unless you try.

About your brother, he'd probably come around. I'm sure he loves you a lot. If his friend is a good guy, he'd probably make peace with it

[thatshydork]

I hope so. I think I will wait for the next time I run into his friend and take it from there. That way I can gauge how the conversation is going. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

[fonduegirl]

Of course

[IslaTheWitch]

why don't you ask them? your brother can say many things but only these guys know all the answers not us...

[DannyUk2017]

Because Guys/Men your Age do NOT KNOW, how Courting works...
Plus the "feminism" of the new "age" is Not in to Soapy things. All the upcoming generations, and the 2000's ones are more in to just "having fun", that being from, gaming, to cars, to party, and have a "quick session", that's all! 🤷‍♂️

[Still-alive]

Yeah ill go with they're intimidated too. you are very good looking and a lot of guys your age probably think they have no chance in hell with you. maybe you're the type who doesn't like making the first move yourself? in that case just try to be friendlier around guys, try to make eye contact if you have the confidence to do so and when you do try to make a smile that says 'yes i want you to approach me'.

[thatshydork]

Thank you

[Still-alive]

best of luck now. you'll find a great guy im sure

[thatshydork]

I hope so

[DrPepper12]

Yes. Ask him. Let the big boy defend his words. I don't know about why not approachable but perhaps you are oblivious to flirting. Some people are! Try social excercises like maintaining eye contact with the hotties or just people watch at a singles place. Much to be learned by observing

[OddBeMe]

You’re prob giving off a shy vibe taken as angry, or something. Same issue I had. Try joining toastmasters or some networking group where you have to stand up and speak to a group, and meet like everyone there.

Cured my shyness.

[thatshydork]

Probably haha. Where I’m from, we’re known for three things:

Coffee
Keeping to our selves
And icing people out

Me seeming to be angry might be a byproduct of a combination of being quiet and being someone who pretty much ignores everyone else around me haha.

[OddBeMe]

But we aren’t. Honestly I see it as learning to act. My mouth and larynx are sore after networking events because of the fake laughing and meeting people I could care less about.

But…I do the math. More people I know more business I get. Switch to you: more people you know more dates are setup, more you get comfortable “acting” until you find a a guy you don’t have to act around.

[thatshydork]

Sorry for the late reply! By where I’m from, I mean the city I’m from. Thanks for the advice!

[OddBeMe]

No sweat. Introverts gotta stick together. Lol

[loveslongnails]

Believe me when I say this: you don't want to go out with guys your age! You're 21 and probably reasonably mature for your age because girls just mature more quickly. 21 year old guys are generally about 17 mentally. LOL

[Juxtapose]

They do, a lot if you look like your picture. Don't listen to that buffoon.

[thatshydork]

Thanks. If they are trying to ask me out, I have have been very blind to it (which is a strong possibility considering a guy called be beautiful and I didn’t realize he was flirting until a month later).

[Juxtapose]

If guys say things that'd be gay if said to each other but to you, it's likely flirting.

[dolemite58]

Do u have resting bitch face or something? 😂 ur not bad looking I don't know why ud have trouble dating

[thatshydork]

Thank you. I am 5’10” so maybe guys feel intimidated? I also have some child-like personality traits and my sister says while she loves that part of me, a lot of guys might not.

[dolemite58]

It might be the height, I’m 5’10 too and I like taller girls if u wouldn’t mind dating a guy ur own height but id probably assume you’d want to date someone taller.

[thatshydork]

Height is not important to me.

[dolemite58]

Maybe u need to make more effort to flirt and show interest in guys then 🤷‍♂️

[thatshydork]

Probably. I have no idea how go flirt so that’s a strong possibility haha

[dolemite58]

What do u mean u don’t know how? 🤣

[thatshydork]

Like sometimes I know how to do it when I’m texting with them but other then that I have no idea

[dolemite58]

Oh like you’re kinda awkward in person? 😂

[thatshydork]

Yeah or I start thinking like “wait is he flirting? Or do I just think he is? What do I say? Is he flirting? What do I say? What if he’s not flirting? What do I said?@

[dolemite58]

So ur a nervous wreck deep down? Lol

[MasterKS]

Your brothers response made you feel so? You should use your own brain than follow someones point of view!

[thatshydork]

I mean, it’s not just my brothers response but I get what you’re saying. Thank you.

[MasterKS]

@thatshydork you should not sound confused! I smell it!

[thatshydork]

Smell what? Also I’m wondering what you mean by me sounding confused?

[MasterKS]

@thatshydork followed you!

[thatshydork]

I am still confused. Please elaborate/explain what you mean?

[MasterKS]

@thatshydork i followed you so better i explain there not here in public!

[FarmBoy13]

I don't know what their beauty standards are but I think you’re cute 🥰

[thatshydork]

Thank you

[vj0090]

M looking at you... cute
.. let's go out for dinner 😉

[thatshydork]

Thank you

[vj0090]

Ur welcome sweetie

[ProbablyClueless]

It most likely has nothing to do with you. A lot of guys just don't think making an approach is worth the effort.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I find thst hard to believe your gorgeous I'm sure guys are checking you out

[thatshydork]

Thank you. If they are, they’re doing it without me noticing (and my brothers reaction probably doesn’t help me notice guys who are checking me out).

[Bklynbadboy12]

Hiw does your brother react

[blueonblack22]

Because too women around your age wholly embraced radical feminism and #metoo bullshit a few years ago. There are long term consequences to this crap. But no modern feminist has the cognitive ability to be a devils advocate.

[spartan55]

They were flirting, your brother is in denial.

[thatshydork]

My dad says he just doesn’t like the idea of his little sister and his drinking buddies haha

[spartan55]

Yeah, that's exactly it.

[NathanDavis]

you ask them out

[dudegreat91]

Nothing wrong in getting approached by older guys ;)

[dudegreat91]

Can you follow my profile?

[dudegreat91]

@thatshydork

[Boulemakh]

You are gorguous

[thatshydork]

Thank uou

[thatshydork]

*you, sorry not uou

[Boulemakh]

Don't you feel that you are attractive

[thatshydork]

No, not really

[Boulemakh]

but why?

[thatshydork]

Insecurities, depression, loneliness, etc.

[Boulemakh]

What are your insecurities? I have a son in your ages and I always wish him a girl like you

[thatshydork]

My weight mostly

[Boulemakh]

Oh it is okay. I am overweight too. And there are lots of men out there love ladies like us. And there are really attractive ones among them

[noohair]

Find the right dork. lol

[LunarEclipse433]

Because they are immature