Why don't guys approach me or ask me out?

Question

facts about me so you can get an idea-

I'm 17, 5 feet 3 inches, 118 pounds so not super skinny but not chubby either

some recent pictures of me: link link

i dress really fashionably and dressy but people might think I look stuck-up or something when I'm not.

i have MAJOR self-confidence issues, I mean I think I'm attractive now but I was butt-ugly in middle school/half of high school so I still feel that people think I'm a dog.

personality-wise I am a little shy when meeting new people but I'm really hyper with my friends. I am obsessed with music (listening to and performing). I try to smile a lot (not creepy) instead of looking sad all the time like I used to.

the problem is that NO GUYS approach me, or even guys that I know and have a crush on don't seem interested back- they never ask me out, make a move, etc. it's frustrating because I know that I'm too shy to approach them (fear of getting rejected) but I would love if a guy came up to me once in a while.

now the question: do I look unapproachable? is there any part of me (looks or personality) that would stop a guy from approaching me? be completely honest, even if you have to say "you look like a ******* horse and you'll be alone for the rest of your life". okay try not to be that mean but please be honest... I really want to know what's stopping guys from just coming up and talking to me.

(asking this question again, it got deleted the first time cause I put where I was from... ugh.)

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sorry, here are the links:

link

link

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THE LINKS ARE IN THE UPDATES SECTION RIGHT ABOVE THIS ONE!

(I know I know caps lock is cruise control for cool I just needed some way to get your attention

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link tinypic com/dggfiq jpg

link tinypic.com/2eyykcy jpg

take out the spaces and put . in

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...forget it

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thanks to everyone who answered... they were all good answers (except the one who called me a horse rofl) I just chose a random one as best answer

Brando · Accepted Answer

The first thing that stands out is your eyes, they are gorgeous. As for guys approaching you, it's probably because they feel too intimidated by your looks. Us guys are more visual creatures, so we see a pretty girl and think that she's a few levels above us, she already has a boyfriend, she already has plenty of guys chasing her, or we wouldn't fit into her standards.

They could also be picking up on your insecurities or feel awkward by your shyness. I know it's hard for me to talk to someone who is short with me. If I don't have anything to go on then I find it difficult to hold a conversation. Add on top of that, that I already am not good with conversations and there would be no hope. Also, sometimes shy girls can be mistaken for being stuck up, because it seems like they don't want to talk to anybody.

You also have to realize that the whole "phenomenon" of guys approaching girls is exaggerated way out of reality. This is something that a lot of guys don't do. Pickup artists are very rare and they are the main ones who do these approaches that people talk about. Most guys either meet girls through mutual friends or school/work. Going up to random girls in public, charming them for a few minutes then getting their number is something from out of the movies.

What you should do is ask your friends or look at yourself from the outside to see what could be making you seem unapproachable. If you seem more open to conversation, maybe some guy will feel more comfortable to strike up a conversation with you.

bobair · Accepted Answer

Guys don't approach women for three typical reasons...

1) She's not attractive. This is more rare than you might think... cause most short girls are cute no matter what. So I doubt this is your problem.

2) She's got a bad reputation and it's social suicide to talk to her. I don't know you, but this is also pretty rare.

3) She's intimidating cause she's super hot. This is mostly likely your problem. If you've transformed from ugly to hot then you're likely intimidating to talk to.

The best solution?

1) Learn how to flirt and make inviting conversation with dudes. Approach the guys you think are cute and make small talk. This will help them to see you're pretty cool and normal and not looking to judge or embarrass them. We guys tend to have ego problems around rejection.

2) Be more social. This will improve your ability to look more approachable. Laughing and having fun helps. Having lots of friends, both hot and ugly, makes you seem less judgmental and stuck up... something hot chicks get judged for unknowingly.

Hope this helps cutie,

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

you're not ugly or anything so I doubt its your looks. it is probably the way you act in person that stops guys from approaching you. the way you ask this question gives me the vibe that you are shy, insecure, and possibly a bit awkward in person which can deter guys from approaching you. believe it or not, its not ALL about looks. you can be a perfectly pretty girl (which you are) but if the way you act or the vibe you give is a turn off, most guys are not going to approach you.

i suggest giving yourself positive reinforcements. I know what its like to be made fun of when you are younger and I know that can skew your perception of yourself and how you relate to guys for years to come. but it doesn't have to be that way! every morning when you wake up, and before you leave the house talk to yourself. say positive affirmations and tell yourself "I am beautiful, attractive and I am confident" or personalize it to your choosing. seriously the more you say things like that to yourself the more you will believe it. I guarantee if you do that, and thus become more confident and self assured it will affect the way you carry yourself and you will see an increase in attention you get from guys

Pandaaa · Accepted Answer

Haha, I feel exactly like you, I used to have a REALLY low self esteem before, and now I'm like a whole new person. I was too shy, and introvert and just weird and yeah...And now I learned to just relax and be myself around people. You might feel the same now, maybe we're on the same stage! :D Honey, you look great! But that's not all that matters. You need to learn how to flirt and how to approach guys yourself. Now look who's talking...haha I'm really not good at flirting with guys.

So, just be yourself, show them that you got a kickass self confidence, and just go for it! What is stopping you, your fear of rejection? Well at least you have tried! Failure is the first step to success!

Love, Pandaaa

BBryans07 · Accepted Answer

You are gorgeous girl! Honestly, confidence=sexy. I had to learn that the hard way when I had no boyfriends for most of high school, and finally during Senior year, I got the balls and asked a guy to get coffee! Think of it like this---all these guys are probably too scared to make a move on you  because they think you're too attractive for them. You're "out of their league" in their minds. If you make the move, you are guaranteed to catch someone's eye. Making the move shows confidence and once again, confidence is the #1 sexy trait in both men and women.

Phoenix52 · Answer

On a scale from 1-10, I give you a 7.5. I bet if you dressed nice you'd probably go to an 8.

You're an attractive little sh*t :)

Now, here's the deal - no confidence = you get nowhere. Need confidence to boost your emotions and think positively of yourself. I've had my fair share of talking to women, and when a girl is not confident, she sends me bad vibes. Shyness, nervousness, showing disinterest or being scared by looking away, texting your friend cause you're trying to not seem interested enough or bored, etc. --> those actions will dictate what a real guy will do. He'll figure you're not into him and just walk away. Or else he'll scratch his head if you're giving him mixed signals.

As far as guys approaching you goes, if you're attracted to him initially, then by all means - start talking and sharing a conversation with him. Be open and show some interest. Get to know each other and become friends. Need to build comfort first.

The guys that don't approach you - too bad. They're not confident enough to strike up something with you. And you personally don't want to deal with a guy who thinks you're out of his league. Any guy who's intimidated by your looks will be his loss for not taking a chance.

A good idea to pick your confidence up is to go out, have fun with your friends, and don't worry about being approached. Just concentrate on being bubby, energetic, and having a good time.

FlightAuror2 · Answer

1) You're 17/still in high school (?)...I consider you illegal until 18 (though I hear NY 17s OK?!?! Even still...) which = no.

2) If you're in high school, you don't have long left, don't worry about relationships - college, or even "real life" working a job, guys will hit on you. Waitress somewhere, I worked as a cook and heard all the dirty little tales the gals would have about guests.

3) They probably are intimidated by your looks. You wouldn't be someone I'd personally go for because I'd figure you'd already have a boyfriend - but I don't know you.

Just keep smiling and being yourself and you'll definitely meet someone somewhere, there's nothing "wrong" with being shy, but it doesn't exactly "help", then again, I'm on the other side of the fence with that. I tend to be shy too, never dated in high school, haven't really dated through 4 years of college, had one girlfriend who I did go to school with, but I tell you, there's a BIG difference between the people you meet in school, and the people you meet in college.

Reiki_Z · Answer

ok as a girl

you have control

most guys would want what you have

love

and I'm sorry you were rejected a lot

try being a cubby kid in high school asking the dream girl her name

and getting

eww don't talk to me...

crushed as I was I lost weight (took 2 years )

then still had trouble with rejection issues

but I've learned that women won't approach me and I think its cause of the sexist bs about how men have to do all the work and make the choices

id love any girl who came up to me and told me her name

id be shocked and faint prbly lol

so id say suck it up and try approaching a dude and if he's not a douch I'm sure he would wanna grab a bite to eat ((: I know I would.

you don't change your look just feel compfy and in your head say I'm open for any male callers

or if your picky pick in your head and say he's cute he shud come talk to me

and if that doesn't work

then you go up to the next one and make it happen

trust me every guy wants a girl unless he is fullblown gay

andre251 · Answer

Sometimes a girl is too attractive for a guy to feel like he can approach her!

Also, the guys that have the self confidence go for girls that are more open and look happier. Maybe more entertaining? Boys do not care as much about looking as fashionable as girls feel like we do. Looking fashionable only makes other girls think you are pretty. Is that really how you want to boost your self esteem?

Lastly, when I go out to look for girls, I always avoid girls that are looking down at their feet when they walk. It seems like they don't to be approached. This may just be self esteem getting them down.

Be happy, look happy and don't try to dress fashionable to get guys.

Smile, and don't be shy, use those pretty eyes to look at a cute guy across the room, I promise if you look enough he will come over to you.

Dan2287 · Answer

Your really good looking, your problem is the confidence and self-esteem. I myself have this issue and it shows in my negative body language and I almost look either grumpy or full of myself. I wonder if maybe your giving off negative body language too - not because you are a negative person, but its your anxiety and insecurities holding you back.

When I see a beautiful women, I almost pretend to ignore her because I assume she is taken, out of my league, not wanting a guys attention etc. Add to her beauty negative body language and she becomes extremely intimidating

sinful1620 · Answer

You're not getting asked out because you're 17. You're good looking now, were ugly earlier, so most guys are either holding on to everyone thinking you were ugly so they lack the confidence to reject group mentality, or they're lacking the confidence to approach a good looking girl. Teenage boys are incredibly stupid.

As soon as guys start to mature (around 20) you'll get dates easily. Act slutty and give it up easy and you'll get dates now. Mature past the clubbing scene BS and guys like me who are in their mid 20s will approach you.

loverorbestfriend · Answer

You're good looking enough for guys to approach you.  Your one obvious flaw are the sunken under eyes, not my thing, but again, you are pretty enough...I would NOT say you are unapproachable...maybe it's your personality...maybe you are boring, maybe you lack charm, which is (believe it or not) important to guys...get spicy, crack some jokes, loosen up, try something you haven't done before, like get up on a table and sing out of the blue...and, please PLEASE lose the shyness...when you are an old lady, the one thing you'll regret more than anything else is that shyness...believe me on this because I used to work at an old folks home and that's what old folks told me en masse, that they regretted not going for it more, not being more aggressive, more sure of themselves...BE LESS SHY...

Anonymous · Answer

I know you posted this 10 months ago but its all about having confidence in your self. After being what you might not have wanted when your younger its hard to bounce back and be confident. Believe me I was so effing awkward when I was younger and didn't really come into myself untill college. Believe me! It seriously gets better. You should just try to put yourself out there. That's all it really takes. It helps to initiate a conversation even if its just small. Also sweety! Your beautiful! There is not reason why you can't just go up to a guy and just say "Hi! What's your name?" That is a right a beautiful girl like you should have. Try to act with confidence and people around you will see that and react to it. Believe me it works. It might take practice and time, but try it.

mz4568 · Answer

Guys don't approach you for the same reason you don't approach guys: fear of rejection. Also, I agree with others who say they are intimidated. When a guy sees a really hot chick they lust for her but won't make a move on her because they assume...

A) She's with someone

B) She's high-maintenance

C) She won't go for me

Maybe you need to take a chance and talk to a guy you like instead of waiting for him to make the move.

SpartWallace · Answer

First: I've seen your pictures and you're beautiful (No, seriously, you ARE)

Second: I don't know why, but reading your question makes me think you have a good personality

Third: Guys are probably just intimidated because you're pretty. I won't repeat what the other guys have said, but you need to know it's true, we guys get intimidated by pretty girls like you. We play tough, but most of the time we're scared we're not playing in the same league as the girl we want, and our ego most of the time won't tolerate rejection. It takes us courage to go after you girls

Fourth: I would definitely ask you out if I met you! :)

Hewhowas · Answer

I think you are very good looking. It is probably a thing about self confidence and how guys view you. You say you have confidence issues guys are not actively going to date someone who is emotionally unstable most guys don't date girls who are always depressed or calling themselves fat. I know one of my biggest pet peeves is girls saying oh I'm not pretty enough to date him. So maybe stop caring how others think start being a bit vain don't be to vain and start destroying other peoples confidence. However do this then tell me if it changes how men look at you. You might be surprised!

bond_007 · Answer

first of all your gorgeous, and that's why I added you (btw thanks 4 accepting my request), I like your beauty it's rare, I like the combination between your dark hair & green eyes, & I agree with "Brando"

i think that when guys see you they think that your already dating or in a relation, (i'm a guy & it happens with me when I see a pretty girl), I think you should change the way you behave when your in front of guys I mean you should appear more open & avoid being speechless.

hope this will help...

MisterGQ · Answer

your a good looking girl and your 17, most 17 year old guys are pussy's period.. they might like you think your cute, even go as far as saying sh*t like (I would bang her all day dude) when their with the boys.. don't worry bout finding a boyfriend.. just step out of your element a bit and make friends.. if you think a dude is cute.. say hi.. tell him your name...or do something that will let him know you there.. (ALIVE) complements..go a long wayyyyy.. like I said most 17 year olds are pussy's and are to shy to even step to the plate.. key words are *** STEP OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT*** 50/50 chance  see what works.. once again your a good looking girl.

Chaaz · Answer

After examing your pict; Chaaz has only this to say; ahem "ACCEPTABLE!"

rofl, nah your good looking.

Basically you could either try approaching guys... BUT do not like approach them approach them you know?

Give hints that you want them to make a move like "Are you gonna ask me out? OR do you think I'm unapproachable or something."

Something like that is different and frankly the sort of thing you'd see in a movie. But try doing that... if the guy has some sense, he will talk to you.. else you move on.

Ha ha ha I've seen horses. U're no horse.

anyway, I'd definitely approach you or say hi how are you and just strike up a conversation.. what the hell do I have to lose?

bubbleboy · Answer

I'm going to be honest: you look great! I agree with the others on that guys are sometimes intimidated when the girl in question is beautiful--same applies for me at times. Perhaps the lot you know is in this camp and they think they'll just get shot down if they ask you out on a date.

Maybe being a little more friendly with them and making eye contact with them, smiling, laughing at their jokes. It may be a little rough to get used to since you mentioned you're shy. But take confidence in the fact that you're not unapproachable!

Best of luck!

dreamishobby · Answer

i know you are 17 and you look beautiful...u have gr8 eyes,hairs,smile and all...but I think you look pretty much like 22-23...means you look bit mature for the guys of your age...plus you give stage performances and all so it's obvious that they think that you are out of their reach or you are just too good for them or you are taken or you would obviously reject them if they approach u...

1st off all make their doubts clear...somehow *flash* your always~been~single status...so that they'll start considering u...then start showing your real side to them i.e. you are not full-of-attitude type of girl...u don't talk to them because of your shyness! (LET THEM KNOW THIS)...and an alternative can be => get rid of your shyness...go and talk to guys by yourself! (n m sure that you won't get rejected easily unless you say or do somthing really bitchy or silly!)...go ahead and all the best!

lonelysadguy · Answer

YOUR NOT UGLY AT ALL AND I DONT SEE THAT YOU COULD BE BUTT UGLY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL GUYS ARE JUST AFRAID OF REJECTION A LOT MORE THAN A GIRL IF ONE GIRL WE LIKE TURNS US DOWN THAN WE KNOW THEY ALL WILL ITS THAT SIMPLE.. THEN A GUY WILL TURN SAD, SOLITARY AND SHY...MOST OF THE TIME ITS THE GIRL THAT HAS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE AND ASK...I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR AFRAID OF CAUSE THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU..  I BET THERE IS A LOT OF GUYS THAT WANT YOU BUT THEY MIGHT THINK YOUR TAKEN OR THE GUYS ARE JUST AFRAID TO TALK...HOPE THIS HELPS

mortablunt · Answer

It's merely an issue of not actively attracting guys. You are pretty enough to get attention, but you're not making sure you get your fair share. Where I go to school, the only girls who don't seem to advertise themselves to guys at all are either fat, strongly ethnic, taken, or lesbian. Another thing you should consider is targeting guys who are less likely to be able to get top-quality girls. It sounds to me like you want the 6'+ muscled athlete type and you are being too constricted in your options. Target guys who are of ordinarily secondary concern such as short guys, asian guys, and blond guys. You can make most guys attracted to you. Heck, I'd like to see you face to face.

here4you · Answer

You're super pretty.

Love your eyes.

But I would say you're problem is the self confidence.

Honestly when I had low self-esteem. I googled how to have self confidence for a guy (for you a girl lol) and actually listened to what they were saying and tried and it worked!

and it could also be that the guys that like you are too chicken to hit on you so they might just be shy or hear that you don't like them. There's more than one reason. Like they might want only a FWB thing and you don't want that but I don't know what you want or what's the case for you so.

but looks wise you look very attractive and beautiful (:

I don't know why any guy would not approach you. I mean if you're smiling and have good body language then you shouldn't have any problem.

IHateMeganFox · Answer

Ur stunning. Uber gorgeous. The reason your not approached? You lack self confidence and are introverted so guys don't know your personality. Open up and you will get the guys like crazy! Plus when your older and guys are more mature you will be beating the guys off with a stick no doubt. :)

Why don't guys approach me or ask me out?

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