Why are guys last words before ghosting often something really sweet?

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming my boyfriend ghosted me because I haven’t heard from him in 3 days. The only thing I can think of if he isn’t is that he broke his phone which he does often. The last few things he said to me was that he missed me, loved seeing me, and that wanted to see me soon. That was last early Saturday morning when he was at work long before I was even up for work. Since then I haven’t heard anything from him and part of me is worried and have reached out and called. His phone went straight to voicemail. No I don’t have any of his family members contacts. I don’t want to harass him either

[Oliverlogan263]

Honestly I've noticed guys do seem to say really affectionate stuff right before ghosting sometimes and it makes no sense. My best guess is they're trying to leave on a "good note" so you don't get too mad at them or realize something's up. Like saying sweet things is their way of easing out of contact slowly instead of just straight up disappearing.

Some other possibilities though: His phone could really be broken if he breaks them a lot like you said. Or something serious could have come up in his personal life that has him preoccupied. Is there any way you could try reaching one of his coworkers or friends just to make sure everything is alright? Just a casual "hey is [name] okay, haven't heard from him in a few days" type of thing.

I definitely wouldn't harass him directly if he's not responding, but a subtle check-in could give you peace of mind that nothing bad happened. If he suddenly ghosts without warning after being affectionate that's super shady behavior though. You don't deserve to be left hanging like that! Hopefully you can get some answers soon.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine a world where I wouldn’t hear from my boyfriend for 3 days, like that is insane and inexcusable. If he broke his phone, that’s fine but is there no other way to reach out? Come on we are in modern times, even his job has a phone. Family or friends phone, computer, social media through computer, the routes are endless. It just isn’t his priority to speak with you, he doesn’t care if you’re worried about him either. A good bc would never want you to stress about them for days or not contact you however they can. That is of course assuming he is safe! If and when you hear back from him or his phone has been fine then I wouldn’t cut him slack.

[Asker]

That’s exactly how I’m feeling. If I do hear from him, I can’t hold back on how that makes me feel. It’s unacceptable. If he’s going through something a simple text will suffice especially because he knows how understanding I am. I’ve been overly understanding to him in fact, so if I speak with him again, he has to hear from the not so understanding side of me.

[Opinion Owner]

My advice? Prepare yourself for if that conversation doesn’t incite change. Of course it should, but I feel like that’s one of those things he doesn’t have in his hardwiring.

Think about yourself living your day to day as his girlfriend, is there ever a reason you would let days go by without speaking unless you quite literally had no choice, after already exhausting all your options? I would bet the answer is no, there are no circumstances you’d let this happen, it is part of who you are morally. He may not have those morals, his priorities may be structured much differently than yours with you not being at the top of his pyramid, while he’s the top of yours. I don't know if that makes sense what I’m trying to say, I guess simply put: pay attention to who you’re dealing with and what he’s capable of doing. Don’t set yourself up for hurt or disappointment. And remember your worth.

[Asker]

That’s really great advice. Thank you. I am gearing up for this to be the end of things and given your advice, I definitely can see the pyramid thing. He’s at the top of mine but my position is always shifting around

[DishLady]

So you think they’re sweet and not just dbags.

[Asker]

No they are, I’m asking why does it always end with all these sweet things knowing they’re gonna ghost you lol

[DishLady]

Yes so that YOU think that they are sweet and not absolute dbags.

[Asker]

Oh! I understand now. That makes sense