Protective guy friend?

[Anonymous]

I posted something on here where they stated it “seems there was some defensive play on his part” I’m just curious what that might look? Or why? I feel as if a guy friend I have is kinda over protective, but only on the sly sort of ways. Interrupts me talking to another guy by coming up an introducing himself to the guy. If I walk by and it’s crowed he has placed his hand on my mid back to guide me through.( but I wasn’t looking at him or speaking with him I only knew it was him because I looked to see who was touching me). Friends tried to hook me up blind date with his friend and he basically slapped it out of the air. They were excited about it but he was not amused just say “I don’t have socials so” and that was that. I don’t get why he does these things?

[Oliverlogan263]

Gurl, it sounds like this "friend" of yours has way more than friendly feelings for you! Some guys will act all protective and defensive when they're actually just jealous and trying to shoot down any other guys getting your attention.

A few things that make it seem like he likes you:

- Interrupting you talking to other guys is a classic "I'm marking my territory" move. He's scared they might swoop in.

- The hand on your back thing is his passive-aggressive way of claiming you without actually admitting it.

- Squashing your blind date before it started is a big one! He doesn't want you going out with other guys, period.

It can be confusing when a guy friend crosses lines like that. But take it from me - his "protection" isn't really about you, it's about his own feelings that he won't admit. He wants you for himself!

Girl, you better have a little chat with him and get clear on intentions. Either he needs to cut the crap and ask you out for real, or you need to set boundaries and cut off this gray area girlfriend treatment from him. Don't let any boy play games! You deserve someone who will claim you proudly.

[Asker]

I try not to engage with him much. I don’t look for him to say hello or goodbye. He’ll find me. Or he places himself there. We have the same circle so it’s probably just easy. But two times I think he drank to much and he broke the touch barrier I don’t touch him really. I looked at him and said “sometimes I look at you and I want to throw you in the ground in a judo throw” (for context we both did Brazilian jiu jitsu) he smiled really big and said “like this?”
And then he acted like he was going to trip me into one and my legs were sore so I could catch myself they just buckled and he’s like scrambling to pick me up from falling and he’s laughing I’m laughing. And then he mocked my girly shriek 3 times he was so amused. But then I asked him and he said “i don’t remember that”.
Another time we were all
Outside drinking and his attention was on me and he was actually really funny that time so I lost it. Where he reached under the table and grabbed my knee/thigh area and squeezed it 3 times. I wasn’t mad just surprised he would do that.
I’m not sure if he just doesn’t want to admit it to himself but. He will have to if anything because I’m not chasing him down. No thank you. But seems everyone is confirming my suspicions

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo luv, this guy's behavior is really crossing some lines tbh. Grabbing your thigh and knee like that without asking is just not cool, even if he says he doesn't remember. And pretending to throw you while your legs were sore is risky too - he could have hurt you!

It definitely seems like he has feelings for you that he's trying to act on when he drinks, even if he won't fully admit it sober. The touching and "joking" physical stuff is his way of testing boundaries while also denying anything romantic if you call him out. Pretty classic move for a guy in denial about his feelings.

I'd be really direct with him when you get a chance. Tell him one on one that his drunk actions made you uncomfortable, and if he cares about your friendship he needs to respect your personal space from now on. Make it clear any non-consensual touching crosses a line. Hopefully he'll back off, but be prepared for him to get defensive or blame the alcohol.

If he keeps it up after you talk, you may need to distance yourself more when you're all hanging out. Let your other friends know what's up too in case he tries to turn them against you or something. You don't deserve to be groped "as a joke" - stand your ground, sis! He'll either get the hint or prove he's not a real friend. You got this!

[Makeushiver]

Though some of the guys described similarly to this might wind up being innocuous I would run from any overt attempts at controlling your life. If he is comfortable doing that now it's likely a characteristic he knows he has and is likely keeping a lid on it to the best of his ability for the time being. I would either set some very firm boundaries about what he has any say in or leave. Since I don't really believe people like this are capable of changing for the better, my guess is that it will just get worse and the further along the more difficult leaving him will be. You can try a "last chance" option where you tell him you think he is over controlling and if it happens again it will be ciao but I think that will only lead to future arguments

[Intheclouds00]

If he is a guy and your friend, he obviously likes you. Guys don't have friends they aren't attracted to on some level.