We have a good relationship but he never does anything special for me. Is it a problem?

[debby]

I've repeatedly asked my boyfriend for more effort from him in terms of romantic gestures. I've expressed that I'd like him to be more vocal about his love, write little notes, take pictures of us, give small gifts—just something to show he cares. Although he always says he understands and will change, he never follows through. He seems capable of putting in effort with others, and he insists he's trying with me, but he never actually initiates any of these gestures, even when I specifically ask. I'm feeling stuck and unsure of what to do now. It feels trivial to end our relationship over this, but it has been a constant source of conflict with no real change, no matter what I do. Should I just accept that this is who he is and let it go?

[ohsheeT]

As a boy growing up what we learned is what we see and when we see affection from our parents or maybe if we had an older sister that had a boyfriend and you might see her get excited when something happens

That's how boys learn all this either that or when they move out of their house their parents house and they start life on their own you realize how much you don't know about. Anything and you have to want to know you have to want to understand it to become good at it so first of all.

You have to understand him who he truly is what did he see growing up

So when you confront him he's going to say yeah yeah yeah yeah because he wants to conversation didn't because he's never done it before he doesn't know how to do it and then he's going to think about it and he's going to tell himself he's going to be a big fool because he doesn't know what he's doing so in his head he might be trying cuz he thought about it but as far as it's going to go

The one thing I really like about this question is you said should I just accept it I'm sure glad I didn't hear you say should I just give up because I would have been yelling at you LOL... In love we have to accept a lot of things but we never give up so saying that

We only know what we know we only know what we have experienced so guess what you're going to become the teacher when something is going on if there's a special occasion you're going to make a big to do about it you're going to show him what love and passion and romance is all about not by telling him this is what you do this is what you have to do and blah blah blah you're just going to show him by the things that you do and not say one word about it because in time.

When there's not a big production about it and it just becomes part of his life he will understand it and he will learn this is nice I think I need to do this

You can't become angry you have to become a teacher and you have to teach him in a way that way he will pick up on it fast and he will understand it so try it that way and I think in time you will be a good teacher he will be a good student and he will also one day show you what you're looking for but that's going to be up to you on how good the teacher you are because..

You have to be a teacher without having those credentials or even say anything about it it just has to be part of you so that way it's a part of him in time

[jahaims]

He shows he cares in many other ways. You want it shown in your specific way. If you aren't compatible then move on. Real life isn't a fairy tale.

[petitedollbabee]

It’s not unreasonable to end the relationship over that. You’re constantly telling him your needs and he’s not meeting them. If he wanted to, he would. He just doesn’t want to put the effort in. It’s not complicated.

[noohair]

He is who he is. Why do women think they can fix their boyfriends. All they can do is break them.