I think my boyfriend is a player, do you think so from my description?

[Anonymous]

So I’m sure he has some kind of feelings for me because he always says he loves me and cares about me and messages and calls almost everyday and tries to see me when he can. He is not forceful with sex and he said he’s a virgin. But I have noticed that he stared at attractive girls infrotn of me. Also when we see female workers at the store or reception, he always seems to ask them more questions about the products. I also notice when we ride the bus, he tends to sit beside the most attractive girl in social settings. Am I thinking too much?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm it does seem like some of his behaviors could be cause for concern. A few things that stand out to me:

- Staring at other girls in front of you is disrespectful. Even if he isn't doing anything physically, it's hurtful to notice that.

- Asking lots of random questions to female workers does seem a bit overly friendly, if unnecessary. Could be trying to chat them up.

- Choosing to sit by the most attractive girl on the bus when you're right there is odd too.

At the same time, him saying he loves you and communicating so much could be a good sign. And only he knows if he's really a virgin or not.

I'd say trust your gut - if his actions consistently make you feel disrespected or question his loyalty to you, that's not a good sign long term.

Have an honest talk with him about how some of his behaviors make you uncomfortable. Pay attention to how he reacts and if anything changes. Guys who care won't keep hurting your feelings like that.

If the distrust just grows over time, you deserve to feel secure with someone who prioritizes you. Don't convince yourself to ignore red flags! Your happiness is what matters.

[Asker]

Yes I talked to him about it before. I think he stopped staring at girls but asking girls too much about a service is something new. I don’t know what to do

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl that's still sketchy behavior if he's singling out other girls to ask excessive questions to, even if he's not outright staring anymore. Like what does he need to know from a random female worker that you couldn't tell him?

If you've already talked to him once about it and he didn't completely change his actions, I'd be concerned. Seems like he might be trying to test boundaries and see what he can get away with. I know confronting people again is awkward, but you deserve honesty.

Maybe next time you notice it, call him out right then - "I notice you kept asking her more questions than necessary, why is that?" See how he reacts and what excuse he gives. If he gets defensive, that's a bad sign.

Only you can decide if you're willing to deal with doubt and not being his clear priority. Personally, I wouldn't waste more time on someone making me question them constantly, no matter what they say. You're still young - don't settle for less than you deserve, sis!

[BadApple69]

You are thinking too much. Every guy will sit by the prettiest girl, we will talk to the pretty girls we will look at the pretty girls. That’s just what men will do.

[Asker]

I heard that if a man loves you, he won't disrespect you like that. I talked to him about it but it seems he's still the same

[BadApple69]

That’s false… if we love you we will try not to let you see us looking at hot sexy girls as they walk by. Just understand that’s just our nature. Girls will do it too.

[Asker]

What about when he keeps asking more questions about service when a girl is the cashier or host

[spartan55]

Yes, you are. Don't ruin your own relationship.