Am I being gaslighted/manipulated?

Question

So I met this coworker. he's a guy and said he wanted to be more than friends but I told him I'm not interested, but we can be friends if u want. and he agreed and said fine. and then he be saying "I only send this to a friend I love" like he be talking about how he loves me because I'm beautiful blah blah. and when we are shaking hands as friends , he holds my hand for a long time and it's just uncomfortable. so then I told him, hey we are just friends can you stop being romantic and lovey dove with me? it makes me uncomfortable. and then he was like "what? this is what friends do. I have lots of love. I grew up in love. this is normal. you no longer want to be friends? why make me feel guilty for showing you my love my friend?" so i just apologized when instead he's the one making me feel guilty for not letting him "love me as a friend". I just find this all weird. if we are friends, no guy or girl should be romantic with each other. am I right or wrong? or is this really normal for some guy friends?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Girl, I'm getting some red flags from this guy's behavior. Hanging onto your hand and declaring his "love" goes way beyond normal friendship boundaries. His attempts to turn it around on you and make you feel guilty are manipulative.

When someone says they just want to be friends, they don't owe the other person romantic affection! Claiming "this is how I show love" is just an excuse to ignore your stated boundaries.

This whole situation feels off and kind of creepy if you ask me. A respectful friend would back off when you said you're uncomfortable, not argue that his actions are normal.

Trust your instincts - this doesn't feel right. I'd try to distance myself politely if I were you. And maybe tell a coworker friend just in case, so you have backup. You deserve to feel respected, not manipulated. Hope he gets the message!

slatyb · Accepted Answer

Don't volunteer to be friends with coworkers. Either date them, or keep your distance.

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

Ok this guy is just crossing boundaries. You are very clear to him. And you acted like an actual adult and handle the situation in a mature way. Yet his is acting like a spoiled child This Guys brain has not mentally left high school. Ridiculous I mean seriously don't waste your energy and time on him.