Why did he change is opinion on a relationship so quickly, what can I do about it?

[Anonymous]

Hi! Please be nice :) I am sad. Constructive advice on what to do and any insight please :)

I was dating someone, going super well. Great connection, spending a lot of time together, good communication. I texted him something snarky one day because I wasn't getting what I need from him (he was kinda moving into drunk booty-call behavior). Instead of asking me what's wrong, he just said "we can just be friends, I don't do mood shifts". Just like that. The next day we talked, I apologized and explained where I was coming from. That wasn't enough to change his opinion, he said he "doesn't see a relationship forming" because he thinks if its "this hard now, it will get even harder later"; and "he's dated girls that are either really happy or really angry and he doesn't want that". Like one thing happened and I apologized for that. Each time spent together is fun and light, then one minor thing happening and he is like "nah I'm good". I told him I don't agree it would necessarily get harder, I think we need to learn to communicate together. That did not change anything for him either. The way we left it is he said he would still want to spend time with me as he enjoys my company; I said I didn't want to spend time together if it means I already know it will end. Please help me understand this mindset. I feel like I messed it up, but also feel like it's unfair to drop someone so easily on something I see as understandable and pretty small- I was reacting to feeling insecure to him not putting in effort. It was an emotional reaction and I apologized for it. I really like him and know we had a great connection - how can you go from talking about having kids to "nope, bye". What does this mean

[ClassicDropout]

I kinda get from his perspective. He's probably been burned one too many times. I am like that too. I get very defensive when I think I didn't do anything wrong. I don't think it's right to be this dismissive, but realistically it's an appropriate response IF he didn't do anything wrong. If he was being disrespectful, fuck em. I'd say your best bet is to keep trying to get him to look past it. You might have to appease him a bit, and that's up to you. If you don't think he's worth compromising for, there's no shame in walking away.

[Asker]

I mean he wasn't being mean, he just was only calling me when drunk or wasted or late at night. I've never seen him not drinking. I explained this to him that I was worried I don't know what we are, and it was making me feel insecure

[ClassicDropout]

Ahh yeah I'd say you shouldn't have brought up your relationship in that conversation. If it was about his drinking, it should have stayed about that because in my mind (and probably his too) it sounds like you're threatening to leave him if he doesn't stop drinking. Someone that has a problem or addiction probably doesn't want to hear that, especially if they aren't even aware of the problem. That really should be a last resort. Maybe it could be reconciled over time if you can manage to do sober activities with him.

[Asker]

well no it was more about because of the fact that it was feeling like a booty call (late night while drinking "come overs"), I was feeling insecure about what we were- are we dating, just a random booty call? that was the main point

[MasterKS]

It means the guy thinking practically more than emotionally.

[Asker]

thank you. so if he is thinking more practically is it safe to assume he was not very interested in me to begin with? Or could it be he is fearful of relationship stress and acting practically to protect himself

[MasterKS]

@asker he wanted a safe landing with easy options, you made it tough so he runaway from the process, women and man is totally difference in some perspective.

[Asker]

ok, thank you for sharing. that does make sense - he mentioned "relationships in high school were so much easier, you could just do whatever and the girl doesn't get mad" LOL so looking for an easy girl without standards haha

[MasterKS]

@asker dont mind but in 30-35 you still battling to understand men! LOL!

[Asker]

I know LOL tell me about it hahaaaa

[MasterKS]

@asker follow me, private is better for details if you want.

[Asker]

I tried to message you privately, it won't let me.
Any advice on how - if even possible - to eventually reconnect with him.

[spartan55]

This all depends on what you said to him, which of course you didn't say.