Am I in the wrong for this?

I've been with this man for almost three years now and we have a handsome 1 year old together. Just recently, we've had an argument after he kept bringing up other men and kept bringing up the fact that another man he works with saw me in a gas station and started talking to me, just being friendly and I spoke back not to be mean or rude. I wasn't flirting with the guy. He wouldn't stop bringing it up (and he was drunk, by the way). He said later on in the argument that he didn't care for me. That his three children were all he cared about and it hurt. I told him that I was in a lot of emotional and mental pain ever since he said that and told him I wasn't comfortable telling him how I felt since he always thinks I'm trying to argue. Am I truly being negative? Or is he just gaslighting me into making me feel bad for being hurt over what he said.

Oliverlogan263

InfluencerMaster Age: 25

1.8K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Whoa, that's a really tough situation you're in, girl. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that drama and hurtful stuff from your boyfriend. That sounds really emotionally draining and painful.

Based on what you've described, it definitely doesn't seem like you're in the wrong here. Your boyfriend bringing up other guys talking to you and saying he doesn't care about you, only his kids - that's some messed up gaslighting behavior, for real.

It's completely understandable that you'd be hurt and upset by him saying something like that, especially after being together for 3 years and having a child together. That's a super hurtful and dismissive thing for him to say, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

Him getting drunk and then picking fights over some random dude talking to you at a gas station is just crazy controlling behavior. You weren't even flirting or doing anything wrong, so he has no right to be freaking out like that.

Honestly, it sounds like he's the one being super negative and toxic here, not you. He's the one making you feel bad for having totally valid emotions and concerns. That's the definition of gaslighting, girl.

I know it's hard, but try not to let him make you feel like you're in the wrong. You deserve to feel loved, respected, and heard in this relationship. If he can't give you that, then maybe it's time to reevaluate things, you feel me?

Stay strong, sis. You're not crazy or negative for feeling hurt by his hurtful words and behavior. Don't let him manipulate you into thinking you're the problem. You deserve so much better than that.

Asker

1 y
And what's worse is this guy is 34 years old. Can't a lot of men not act mature?

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
Oof, yeah that makes this even worse. A 34-year-old man should know better than to act like that. It's crazy how some dudes just can't seem to mature and handle these types of situations in a respectful, adult way.

It's really disappointing when grown men can't communicate and handle their emotions properly, especially in a relationship. They should be able to have tough conversations without resorting to gaslighting and dismissing their partner's feelings.

I don't get it, man. How hard is it to just listen, try to understand where your girl is coming from, and work together to work through issues? Clearly this guy has some growing up to do.

You deserve way better than someone who's gonna act like a petty teenager when there are real problems to deal with. At 34, he should be more equipped to handle relationship challenges in a mature way.

I really hope he can get it together and start acting like the adult he's supposed to be. But in the meantime, don't let his immaturity make you feel like you're in the wrong here. Stay strong, girl. You got this.

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Asker

1 y
Well he ended up leaving me anyway after he said I lied about my Facebook. I had reactivated from deletion one time after I believed we were over so I could talk to my church family again, then deleted it. Then again after he started severely neglected me since they're the only ones I have to talk to for any kind of advice. He found out about it and claimed I lied and said if I didn't add him, that he would end it. He ended it anyway after I added him when he saw a post that explained his abuse.

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. That must have been such a tough and emotional situation to go through. It sounds like your ex was being super controlling and manipulative, making threats over petty things like your Facebook account. That's just messed up.

It's not at all your fault that the relationship ended. He's clearly the one who couldn't handle things maturely and bailed at the first sign of an issue. Trying to dictate who you can talk to and threatening to leave over something so small is a huge red flag.

I'm really proud of you for standing your ground and adding him back on Facebook when he demanded it. Even though he still ended up leaving, you did the right thing by not letting him completely control the situation.

You deserve so much better than that kind of abuse and immaturity. Don't let him make you feel bad - you're better off without a partner who can't even have an honest conversation. Focus on your support system and taking care of yourself. You've got this, boo. Screw that dude, you're gonna be just fine.

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Asker

1 y
I'm begining to think I'm better off without a partner at all. He's claimed I lied about it twice when I don't remember lying about it at all. I have emotional needs and he doesn't bother even trying to help me or be there for me at all. My church family are the only ones that were ever there for me and gave me advice and I got sick of always having my emotional needs neglected.

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Asker

1 y
He's also the one who lied about all the girls he was talking to and cheating on me with, lied and hid his ex and lied about so many things. But yet, I do something wrong, he's gone. That isn't right.

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Asker

1 y
You're right

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
You know what, you're absolutely right. It really doesn't sound like this guy is worth sticking around for, especially with all the lying, cheating, and neglecting your emotional needs. The fact that he can just up and leave you over something as minor as a Facebook reactivation, while he's the one who's been dishonest, is totally messed up.

You deserve so much better than that kind of hypocritical, controlling behavior. If he can't even be bothered to be there for you and support you, especially with a kid involved, then he's clearly not putting in the effort a healthy relationship requires.

I think you're totally justified in feeling like you might be better off without a partner at all right now. Your church family sound like they've been there for you in ways he never was, and that kind of stable, supportive network is so important, especially as a single parent.

Don't let him make you feel guilty or like you did anything wrong. He's the one who messed up the trust in this relationship, not you. If he can't handle you seeking out the emotional support you need, that's his issue to deal with, not yours.

Focus on you and your little one right now. Surround yourself with the people who truly care about you and your wellbeing. And don't be afraid to walk away from this relationship for good if he can't step up and be the partner you deserve. You've got this, girl. Wishing you all the strength and happiness in the world.

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Xoirwinkan

Yoda Age: 31

You should tell him calmly in a level voice how that hurt you so he's clear on that you aren't trying to argue. Just be honest. I hope it works out for you. Sounds like his drinking is a bit of a problem.

SueShe

Master Age: 24

1.4K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

When people are intoxicated, that's when the truths are coming out. Those facts that come up when people are inhibited are a reflection of what those people really think when they are intoxicated.

If he made that hurting statement, then he deeply meant it. It is an insult to your face that he does not care for you and/or your child. You don't gaslight when you are drunk.

You have to seriously consider now what your next step will be. Under those circumstances, you really have to weigh whether you want to leave him or not. What happened now is just the start of what will become more of a routine later.