Is this girl my husband's first love that he's finding a hard time to forget? Have you guys heard about guys first love theory? Is it really exist?

[Anonymous]

Have you guys heard about guys first love theory? So, my husband had someone that he intended to marry in the past. from his writing, it seemed that he already claimed her as his, in my husband's head, she belonged to him eventhough they were not in a relationship. They only talked to each other via text and met only twice. My husband had interest on this woman and already told her that he intended to marry and pursue her. He went all the way from his city to see her.

Now, I'm starting to be really curious about who this woman is and how their relationship was. You know, when we started dating, my husband had a hard time trying to get over her. Even he still contacted her during our relationship. I wonder if this is really my husband first love that he has a hard time trying to forget. They say guys will never forget their first LOVE, and they will always have a special place. I wonder if this girl is my husband's first love, because at the start of our relationship, he was really still not over her. And always remembered her. Now i am curious about who this woman is and even try to stalk her profile online.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a heavy situation you're dealing with there, girl. I can totally understand why you'd be feeling so curious and even a little worried about this other woman from your husband's past.

The whole "guy's first love" theory is definitely a real thing that a lot of people believe in. The idea is that the first woman a guy falls for will always hold a special place in his heart, even if the relationship didn't last. And it sounds like your husband might be a prime example of that.

From what you've described, it seems like this other woman was really important to him, even if they were never officially together. The fact that he went out of his way to see her, that he was still contacting her when you two started dating - that's a pretty big deal. It suggests he had some deep feelings for her that he was really struggling to let go of.

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean she was his "first love" in the truest sense. But it does seem like she was someone he was really into and had strong feelings for, even if it was more of an unrequited thing. And that kind of intense connection can be really hard for a guy to move on from, even when he's in a new relationship.

I can totally understand why you'd be curious to know more about her and their relationship. It's a natural reaction, especially if it's felt like a bit of a shadow over your own relationship with your husband. But I'd caution against going too far down the stalking rabbit hole - that could just end up causing more drama and heartache in the long run.

My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about it. Let him know you've noticed the lingering feelings and ask him to open up about it. He might be uncomfortable, but try to create a safe space for him to be vulnerable. Understanding where he's coming from could really help give you some peace of mind.

At the end of the day, what matters most is that he's chosen to be with you. He may have had strong feelings for this other woman, but he's committed to you now. So try not to let it consume you or make you too insecure. Just focus on building a strong, healthy relationship together.

It's a tricky situation, but you got this, girl. Just be patient, communicate openly, and don't be afraid to advocate for your own needs and boundaries. You deserve to feel secure and loved in your marriage.

[oldpigg]

In my case yes, teenage romances are more selfless and pure.

[Anonymous]

Just let it go. doesn’t matter what your excuses or rationale for it was — once you knew he wasn’t over his ex you still decided to stay and even marry the guy. You chose to lock it in despite her still being a big factor in his life and that’s on you. Stalking this woman won’t do a thing but make you insecure, angry and hurt.

[Asker]

He's not talking about her anymore though. And the last time i asked him about it, he said, he had no other options , or running out of options so he pursued her. Maybe you're right, i shouldn't stalk her but sometimes i just can't help it.

[Opinion Owner]

I hate men like that, who demean a woman because she didn’t want him and he’s trying to lick his wounds. If she were really such a last resort then why is he stuck on her? Why does she have enough relevancy in your relationship that you stalk her pages if she was really just an option? I call bullshit on a man who thought he owned a woman and she got away. Too bad you didn’t get away as well.

[Asker]

Yeah i don't know why he was stuck on her at that time. That's his behaviors that I'm still trying to understand. Im still feeling traumatized or hurt from my husband's past connection with this woman. They are no longer communicate or anything though. I try to heal it and try to understand why he was so fixated on her. That's why I thought maybe she was his first love. Any advice?

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly when you were still hurt and realized you couldn’t get over his feelings for her, you should’ve left. Why did you stay? Because you loved him? Well, love is not peace of mind, and it’s showing right now because you think about her at least once a day every day, and still want to even stall her. You know why you check her page? Because the situation makes you insecure. When you go to her page you’re making comparisons to yourself, trying to figure out what’s so great about her, like you still have all those same feelings you aren’t moving on even despite him not mentioning her anymore. I’ve always said to my friends, when you choose to stay you are committing to moving past whatever he did, cheating or otherwise. You can’t have it both ways, where you get the man but can’t let go of the past.

[Asker]

I was young, naive and didn't quite understand the depth of their relationship. I didn't know how close they were or how intense their relationship was until we got married. That's when I checked his phone and found their text messages and some notes that he wrote for her. At the start of our relationship, I gave him all of the freedom, he can talk to any woman he wants or be with other woman, I didn't forbid him to be with other woman. I even asked him to go back to that woman, but he refused and said that the woman was already with someone else, so I continued our relationship. Now those lingering feeling still exist but maybe it was my fault for not setting boundaries and gave him too much freedom at that time.

[Opinion Owner]

Why would you encourage him to cheat and be with other women? To have done that, then struggle with these insecurities, just doesn’t make sense to me because unfortunately you set the tone for what’s ok in your relationship by allowing all that stuff. I’m glad he has gained the respect not to be talking about his ex anymore to his now-wife, but given how much freedom you’ve encouraged he has, it’s hard for me to believe that he is fully done checking in on her behind the scenes. Then it’s like he picked you because she was taken already, why wasn’t that the biggest dealbreaker? It’s as if you were his last resort and that’s awful. I agree, staying with him was a young and naive thing to do, but you don’t have to keep staying with a person who would rather be with someone else if she wanted him. I’m sure you’re very serious about your vows and your relationship is good to an extent, and I’m sure he’s grown to love you more and more over the years. But you not being able to have peace of mind, stalking her page and always wondering about her, to me that is a commitment to misery. Life is short, you aren’t guaranteed next year or even tomorrow.

[Asker]

I gave him all of the freedom when we first started dating, i was inexperienced and never been in a real relationship before that. I wasn't into him that much either and we had low commitment to each other at that time. He contacted that woman to have some 'closure' because they had some unfinished business. He originally came to this town to pursue her, but that plan fell apart because she ghosted him. He then tried to pursue me eventhough I still liked someone else. We both were still trying to get over our crushes when we started dating. I also figured out that i had no chance to be with my crush, so i ended up going out with him. he still contacted her a few times after that when we had a huge fight. It was like he wanted to dump me and go back to her. But that never happened and we made up again.

2 years later, I'm still trying to get over it all. That woman i think is no longer a threat to our relationship. But still, all of those unresolved feelings still exist. I have a plan to see physiatrist soon. But your comment and those other comments also help me a lot to get over all of it. thanks.

[Anonymous]

What makes u think so much about her , and that he definitely loved her