Do men actually change for the woman they love? Does that mean that if a man doesn’t change for you, he doesn’t love you?

[strawberrybaby3]

[hahahmm]

A traditional type dude doesn't change who he is, core beliefs because a woman told him to. Typical woman doesn't even know for sure what she wants even if she claims to. Guys see them changing their minds all the time, so why would he even think about switching for her?

[iCuddleU]

Men, like anyone else, can change for someone they love if they feel motivated and see value in the change. Love can inspire people to grow, adapt, and prioritize their partner’s needs or preferences. However, the process of change is deeply personal and depends on individual willingness, self-awareness, and the nature of the relationship.

It’s important to recognize that love alone doesn’t automatically lead to change. A person may love their partner deeply but struggle to change due to habits, fears, or a lack of readiness. Change often requires mutual understanding, communication, and patience. It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t care; it might mean they’re navigating their own challenges.

At the same time, if someone consistently disregards your feelings, boundaries, or needs, it could indicate a lack of alignment or respect in the relationship. Love should include effort and a desire to nurture the connection, which may involve making changes or compromises.

Ultimately, love and change are not one-size-fits-all concepts. A healthy relationship involves two people who support each other’s growth while accepting each other’s individuality.

[Amy10223]

Love this answer. Well written and thought out!

[iCuddleU]

Thank you so much Amy! 😊

[Nikki1989]

If he needs to change, you have picked the wrong man.

[OneViewpoint]

That was essentially the answer I was going to give.

What is this thing with women wanting to "change" every guy they are involved with into some image they have of the "perfect" man?

Newsflash... none of us is perfect. If a guy is with you he's seen and accepted your faults. guys don't do this as a rule.

If you show me a real need to change some aspect of my life or personality, I'll give it serious consideration and I may do it. Otherwise, you've chosen the wrong man. I'll let you get on with your search for perfection and your insecure belief that I don't love you unless I pass your arbitrary "prove it" test. Best of luck, LOL.

[NathanDavis]

what @Nikki1989 very well said, and also...

if you love someone, but you want them to change... that ain't healthy love

now if there's something specific that's very wrong with them that it needs to be fixed and they won't do it for themselves but for "loving you" and you're wondering why they can if they ever really will... then you already know it's not going to work, not in a healthy way anyway

[coachTanthony]

They never change but are more willing to adjust and compromise. Big difference.

[PhilP]

I think this is one of the things a lot of people focus too much on in a relationship. People are who they are and changing themselves or not has to do with far too many things to be relegated so simply as whether they love you or not. It's a better to ask the question of if them being the way they are is a deal breaker for you. Expecting someone to change for love or not is unfair to them as a person just like it would be unfair to you as a person if they expected the same of you.

The exceptions to this are dangerous behaviour. If they are doing dangerous things and refuse to stop knowing it hurts you or makes you uncertain then that is more a decision you need to make not them. If they are doing dangerous things and subjecting you to those dangerous things regardless of your consent or feelings then you should drop that relationship immediately for your own self worth. They've already made their decision on if they love you or not at that point.

Otherwise it is up to them if they want to change and up to you to decide if you want to accept them as a person however they are or not.

[Screenwriter]

People choose to change to satisfy needs and wants for themselves. It is unrealistic to think someone will change for you. And this has nothing to do with whether they love you or not.

Change comes from within a person. It could happen temporarily when forced, but that kind of change never sticks.

No one stops drinking, smoking or using drugs because someone else demands it of them. They have to come to the conclusion that what they are doing is shortening their lives, is unhealthy and ruinous. No one on the outside can make them see this.

To not realize this means you'll waste your time trying to achieve something you have no control over. Change has to do with SELF-love. If someone doesn't love themselves, no change is possible. And it is rare that someone who doesn't care for themselves can love others deeply either.

[777GgG]

Obviously it depends on the change. Core personality traits typically aren't going anywhere despite your partners begging, nagging, crying... But dropping bad habits for someone you care for can and should be done within reason.

I would never ask a partner to convert religious (and would be upset if I was asked to do the same). But if my partner asked me to try to swear less (I have a pretty foul mouth) or I asked him to smoke less (he vapes like a chimney) i think these requests are within reason.

And in my experience when a partner is asked to make a change it's for their own betterment.

[molonski2]

No one is going to change , if you want him to change it's your selection that is incorrect , he might say " I can change baby , you are the only one I'd change for " that's just his insecurity , he won't change and you should never expect anyone to change.
A criminal remains a criminal , a SIMP remains a simp., never kid yourself otherwise , as you are only hearing with ears that want to hear a particular view.
Over time , he won't change , all. as previous , would have seen this nonsense 1000s of times.

[Amy10223]

I think this is somewhat true, that they will change for the better if they want to be with you. This is providing you are NOT asking them to change, they are doing it because they value the relationship they have with you, and see this as a positive change for themselves. At the same time, when a lady sees someone with faults, and they mean nothing to her, she will take him/her as they are, it's because they love the person, faults and all.

If someone asks you to change something about yourself, they are trying to model you into someone else, and that's not good.

[Finchie40]

No one should have to change for anyone, when it comes to relationships, All that matters is the both of you choose each other and understand the foundation of a relationship and you both should compromise and set boundaries together. Love only grows when 2 people choose each other and value and prioritize beach other , with respect and honesty. So if a girl expects her man to change to appease her , she is in for a ride awakening when she realizes she can’t change him at all. Basically what you see is what you get

[FunkyMonkee]

No. One has NOTHING to do with the other! If he refuses to change for you, maybe he just feels he has every right to be who he is and you should just accept him as he is. SOME concessions MIGHT need to be made and SHOULD be discussed but, trying to force him to do stuff just because you don't like it isn't any more fair to him as him forcing YOU to do stuff just because HE doesn't like it is to you. I've had 5 girlfriend's, so far and I NEVER tried to change ANY of them and none of them ever tried to change me except for the one I just broke up with. We would've made a GREAT couple if only she hadn't let that get in her way and drive HER away from me. Too bad she couldn't take the smallest bit of advice.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

I'm the one who needed to change not him
but it doesn't matter because he changed for another girl
even though I would've kept him the same
he hated me the way I was
It was up to him not me
He liked her more
Even though I wanted him bad
I also treated him bad while she treated him good
She didn't have to try
He was always hers
So that wasn't love what I was giving him
But what he had with her that I was interfering with
Wanting something at force while mistreating it already
and still expect to have it
so I just lost him altogether no surprise there

[236color]

You can't "Change" anyone, male or female, into what you want. People chance over time, but you cannot be the personality sculptor. Change happens when it happens, in the way it happens. If he behaves in a way that you can't live with now, chances are, he will behave that way forever, or at least for some time to come (years, decades even). Building a relationship on the premise that you, or anyone else can change him is foolishness. In short, cute assholes are still assholes.

[Cormac995]

Depends on the man, some will, some won't, some will partially. Changing bad things about yourself to make your partner happy is good but you can also go too far cross a line into being a piece of clay your partner molds and controls like you're property. It's almost always a middle ground thing.

[blueonblack22]

And what if this happens?

https://theonion.com/girlfriend-changes-man-into-someone-shes-not-interested-1819565990/

This is satire but there is a depressing grain of truth to it.

[AviatorTom]

There's an old story about a couple just getting married...

Husband tells wife, "I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change."

Wife tells husband, "I love you, you're perfect, now change."

After being married for a few months ,,,

Wife changes, husband doesn't. 🤔🙈🙉🙊

[Nothingfree]

Not all the time it’s not an absolute. It’s something’s both parties should have to compromise not everything. Now if he is not willing to compromise anything then that’s a red flag because a man who really wants a woman in his life will compromise something’s

[Caroline91]

I don't think we can change our essential selves, but I do think we all make adjustments when we fall in love, both men and women. It's just part of becoming a dedicated couple. Hopefully it happens organically.

[godfatherfan]

If you need a man to change for you, you don't love him. You love your version of what you want him to be. I changed way too much when I was married. I will never do that again. She loves me as is, or she can take a hike.

[This_Boy_Here]

Each guy is different, so it's impossible to put us all into one category as 'guys'. Speaking for me personally, I would change for a girl, but only if it was valid to me. IE, say I used to wear a cologne she's allergic to, that's valid. But if she were to tell me to stop saying a specific word or etc cuz she thought it was stupid.. Well, she better start puttin in ear plugs lol. You gotta be more specific

[aceleon]

Time to wake up sleepy head, we don't change, we just lie better.

No öne has to change for anyone let alone for something that is not even Real.

[Lynx122]

It depends some things you can't change they're just part of who you are :) Usually you're better off finding someone who's already living their life in a way that fits with you.

[GlowUpGirly5]

Why are you expecting a man to change for you? He's not obligated to change for you. Instead of trying to change someone work on yourself and question why you feel the need to control someone else or why you can't just move on

[strawberrybaby3]

Never said this was about me. I’m not even dating anybody.

[slickrick6600]

You can’t 360 change you are who you are but if a special girl tells me she doesn’t like me doing something I’m going to do what I can to please her.

[virtualwasp]

no, everyone has different levels of motivation. If they think highly enough of you they will do something, if not they won't.

[slatyb]

Never get into a relationship planning to change the other person. If you can't accept them as they are today, then leave them alone.

[HungTexan]

It depends on the guy, and the changes needed. I think some behavior changes (for the better) are a good thing and shows commitment.

[andreasderjuengere]

If he changes, he will not longer be the one 'you' fell in love with.

I don't see the point of doing so :)

[Staximus]

People shouldn't be going into a relationship expecting the other person to change. If they change on their own for the better then that's a bonus.

[RavVid]

For some reason women traditionally want to change men. Men hate that and won't.

[Anonymous]

NO!

If you expect a man to change for you, you'll be disappointed every time. So many women do this, and they only end up hurting themselves.

Find a man you love for who he is, not who you think you can manipulate him into being.

[MannMitAntworten]

Probably a bit more than a woman is willing to change for a man she claims to love.

[RoronoaZoro8]

People can change but I wouldn't expect people to change.

[KrakenAttackin]

If he dies change she will tell him, "you're not the man I fell in love with".

This is a suckers game.

[Anonymous]

Woman's most common mistake
Thinking men will change for them

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes and no. It’s not that cut and dry really. Are you asking about a guy who hasn’t changed?

[Crazzyyworld]

Changing is not a good idea in the first place. Why change? We should be ourselves.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Some would, but a broad would have to be h**la hot for me to change.

[nawtee_me]

Wouldn’t it be better to accept him as he is than to want him to change for you?

[Anonymous]

I would change for the girl I love.

But I guess not all men would.

[Joejay6]

People don't change. Saying that. I am switching to boxers

[Silver158]

Simps do this.