Is he pressuring me for intimacy?

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing a guy and we are not in a relationship but we are in the talking stage. We have made out multiple times and I really like him but some of the things he has said and done make me feel uncomfortable. Am I overreacting, like is this just normal or concerning?

He has tried touching me in certain areas, and he did accept when I put his hand away but then would keep putting his hand very close to the area or try again the next time we make out. He told me to „stop overthinking and just do it if if feels right for my body“. he said „please“ when I said I am not ready yet. He said he‘s never had to wait this long to sleep with a girl. He asked me if I would give him head and sleep with him in the future. He told me to just do it cause I‘m young and only in college once and shouldn‘t take things so seriously. He didn‘t force me to do anything though.

[genericname85]

well here's a tip for you to handle the situation better. clearly he wants sex with you and he's continuously signaling his desire. so don't just say no. give him a roadmap, lining out what has to happen for him to get what he wants. his desire is completely normal and you not feeling it yet is normal to. so don't just leave him hanging and signaling. cause if you keep doing that, he'll be gone. you need to give him something that shows him that he's not wasting his time with you and that he can eventullally get it, when he does the right things.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You've got to be careful mostly if you already made it clear you don't want him touching you, if he proceeds to do then it only shows he isn't respecting that boundary you set which is a dangerous sign and a red flag, I'd say next time make it as clear as possible and make it clear you don't want to jump into anything sexual yet that it's too soon and if he doesn't respect it then by all means it's best to not ignore that guy instinct feeling telling you he's not good news.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Gut instinct*

[Asker]

thank you so much for your advise. is his behavior really concerning or still okay? especially that when i said „i don’t know if i‘m ready“ he said „yes you‘re ready“ and when i said i don‘t wanna do something he said „please“ and „if your body is ready just do it and stop overthinking“

[ChicoFromThe305]

Definitely a red flag, the dude isn't respecting your decision he's trying to push you and convince you to make the decision he wants you to make, he should respect your choice not beg you to change your mind, he's trying to manipulate your decisions, not a good thing if you ask me

[Asker]

thank u. he also asked if i like when he touches me and if he would always have my consent to do that.

[ChicoFromThe305]

The dude sounds unstable ngl

[Asker]

what do you mean? do you think this is serious? i‘m kinda starting to get concerned what will happen if i say no in the future but also i don‘t wanna be overdramatic idk…

[ChicoFromThe305]

One of the outcomes is he gets tired of asking and forces his way onto you, a sign to that is that he's already touched you without your permission, it seems permission isn't his specialty, his desperateness seems strong, and his sex drive seems high, mix these and (I'm not certain) you might have yourself a rapist

[Asker]

ohh, so this is really serious? should i be scared? last time he wanted to be more intimate and i said i don‘t know if i‘m ready, he said „yes you‘re ready“ and kept asking and eventually i gave in but i didn‘t feel super bad afterwards but also kinda off and it was uncomfortable.

[ChicoFromThe305]

If you already had sex with him then it changes everything he just wants more I guess, probably should've mentioned that before making me blab so much

[Asker]

no it was not sex but something else and what i just talked about was the first time we did this

[ChicoFromThe305]

Did what cause now I'm confused

[Asker]

he asked me to give him head and i said „idk if i‘m ready“ and he said „yes you‘re ready“ and kept asking for it and eventually i gave in and did it. that was last time i saw him and it was the first time of me giving him head , and we also have not had sex

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like he's really manipulating you, he's using peer pressure to do it, if you deny enough there's a possibility he might use accessive force to get what he wants if he's the type to always get what he wants, considering he's already pressured you for oral would probably mean the other two holes are his next priority

[Asker]

thank you.. that‘s kinda scary actually

[ChicoFromThe305]

Best of luck, be self aware and stand strong on your decisions anon

[Abbycado]

How can you not answer this yourself with what you wrote? It’s obvious he is.

[Asker]

I know but I don‘t know if this is kinda okay or really concerning. I feel guilty because I didn‘t say no clearly enough maybe

[Abbycado]

If he is making you feel uncomfortable as you said, not a good fit. Pressuring for sex is never okay.

[StarWarGirl]

You need not to feel guilty about your boundary. And you have stated it that should be enough for him to understand that. No means no, no matter it has less volume because of hesitation it doesn't makes it a "yes".

[StarWarGirl]

If still you feel you have not stated it completely then for the last time you mention it again that "I am not ready yet and so I don't want to do it now". In simple and straight word, without any excuses, without any explanation or without feeling guilty about it.

Keep it simple and straight. Without fear or hesitation. Because you are doing nothing wrong.

[Asker]

@StarWarGirl thank you! is his behavior really concerning or still okay? especially that when i said „i don’t know if i‘m ready“ he said „yes you‘re ready“ and when i said i don‘t wanna do something he said „please“ and „if your body is ready just do it and stop overthinking“

[MemeSupreme]

it's okay to say no

[MemeSupreme]

and yes i'd avoid him