When a guy goes through stuff does he ignore/avoid his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend hasn’t texted me at all, and i know he was stress over work but just wanted to know if they avoid there significant other when they go through things or what? would he ever text me back?

[DishLady]

Depends on what the thing is. There's a little "masculine" energy in all of us that tells us to "suck it up and get things done" which can often require time alone to think something through while also managing to stay calm rather than to give in to the stress. There's also a little "feminine" energy in all of us that feels and connects everything, tries to find the comforting silver lining or resting point to reboot, smile and get things done, etc. etc.

Some people are out of touch with one or the other, so you'll see the drastic "shut down" and need to be alone. It's not about you... his masculine "fix it" mode is just in overdrive. If you nag him you'll just be more likely to hear shit you won't want to hear and that he doesn't mean (but says just to get you out of the way).

[Shiprex]

It's not drastic because men have been surviving and driving humanity since forever WITHOUT spiralling into stress and anxiety like "feminine" energy.

It's men who cope with stress better, get affected by it less easily, less deeply and for less time. MAYBE humanity would benefit if we tried following best practice in such issues.

[DishLady]

@Shiprex meh... don't believe it. I've coached plenty of guys who are stressed to breaking point by silent worries they just harbor without sharing even with their wives/parents. It's not healthy. It's the key contributor to the number of guys who pass (EARLY) from stress-related cardiac disorders.

Just bc YOU don't crack under pressure doesn't mean it's not a real issue for other guys...

Just bc a guy is silent doesn't mean he's handling a situation better...

[Shiprex]

You don't believe that men handle stress more efficiently than women? Then why are women the predominant users of medication for stress, anxiety, depression, and more likely to try to off themselves 3 times more often than men?
Of course it MAY be overwhelming for people to keep ruminating and going over things or just be in bad situations that escape is difficult but it's MEN who are known to be able to cope with it much more resiliently than women.
Cardiac disorders are just as likely caused by poor health, diet (cholesterol from the ridiculous amounts of animal products consumed) and the expectations being added to men's lives of STILL having to be breadwinners (not so many househusband seeking women out there yet) as well as part time housekeepers and the other everyday expectations and pressures of avoiding being labelled a creep, predator etc. all add up so perhaps giving men a break and treating them like human beings with all the misandry kicking around wouldn't go amiss.

[DishLady]

@Shiprex Because their doctors (going back to the 1940s) have been men... or their spouses threatened to put them in asylums if they don't "calm down" or any number of fucked up manipulative things...

And for the rest of your response... read a book, guy... unless ignorance is your means of managing stress "efficiently"?

[Shiprex]

@DishLady
If you're suggesting the men returning from the World War had normal lives after being put through the challenges they were subject to then are somehow a marker of how men are when they haven't been through these kinds or abnormal terrors then I think it's you who should be looking to read books. Women were put away BECAUSE they were more easily afflicted by stress and irrational effects of hormone imbalance, that's biology and the provision for that wasn't as developed as the medical treatment that men had been receiving because the situation was that far more men were seeking medical treatment for both physical and psychological treatment at the time. Something that has always been the case until the modern era where fewer men are being injured or put through traumatic experiences than previously. That's one of the reasons medicine has primarily focused on MEN because they were killed, had more health problems because of the lifestyles and functions they had in society where women weren't as much at risk. If you have 40 cows who need cared for and 2 goats you can bet your knowledge of cows health and condition will grow faster than that of goats.

Their doctors then were applying the appropriate treatments for disorders for the knowledge at the time. Nowadays it's clear women are more susceptible to stress, experience it more deeply and for longer. Modern studies show this.

[Shiprex]

Cardiac disorders aren't solely because of psychological and stress related problems. It's only in the last few generations this has been put down as ANOTHER mitigating factor. Diet, exercise, climate, working conditions etc., are also as valid reasons for stress.
Men process stress internally and have done for generations and STILL been capable of efficient function within society without the need for treatment. It's processed, stored, resolved or ignored because there is nothing to be done unless rumination is deemed a wise and effective method of dealing with mental (emotional/social and psychological) issues?

[LEBANONPRINCESS]

You know, I asked a somehow similar question a few days ago... And everyone told me that he's a narcissistic person, controlling, and obsessed...

Some men love playing with women's nerves, especially if you text them back constantly cause you think they are not ok or cause you fear they don't care anymore...

My advice to you would be if you stop waiting for his texts... live your life as normal as possible... don't waste your time and nerves thinking about why he's not texting back... You'll slowly get used to it even if it feels difficult at first... Don't let his text ruin your days...

He might be busy, has problems, or is testing you... Unfortunately men that test women are Jerks and should not be in any woman's life.

[Shiprex]

It's not testing anyone. Men are not women and don't process issues like women. This is something women do not wish to accept or acknowledge. Thinking a guy will mimic the behaviour of a woman is only going to stress everyone out (like how women tend to GET stressed out as you said about nerves getting plucked).

Suggestion, since women suffer from stress and anxiety more and deeper than men. Maybe men are the ones who should be mimicked and not the reverse

[Shiprex]

Yes men do tend to process things like stress internally and prevent the burden from being placed on their significant other and create stress for their loved ones. He will return once he has fixed the issue and is no longer suffering as much with the issue.

[sawno]

It can happen when everything is to much, but in the moments this happens to me I try and give a headsup.

[TwoToTooTutu2]

Yes, it is possible and quite common.