Why would a guy start avoiding a girl he likes? I am VERY Confused!

[Anonymous]

OK, there is this guy...it was like instant attraction when we met. He started pursuing me (flirting, wanting me to see him, and trying to get my attention). Well, I like him too. The flirting and signaling went on for months. He did little things to see how I would react, which I reacted to let him know I like him. Then I did little things and got reaction back as well. The talking kind of stopped though and when we saw each other we would just stare into each others eyes not saying a word, as nothing needed to be said, since the looks said it all. So even most recently I did something to let him know I like him, and got a mutual response back. So now we know we like each other, and now he is avoiding me. At least it feels that way, since he use to go out of his way to at least say hi or something. Why would a guy start avoiding a girl he likes (or at least acted like he does) that he knows likes him back? I don't understand it, as now of course I feel like he doesn't like me as I would expect things to move forward...not backward or stop. I am so confused now.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if you still have a crush on the guy you mentioned. I'm a guy and currently having a huge crush on a coworker. We both flirted and kind of knew that we like each other. I wish I could just get the hell out of social norms, grab her arms and kiss her passionately. That's my dream, and I've been toying with the idea. The problem is I have an on and off long term girlfriend.

You might suddenly see this a "red flag" and I'm wrong kind of person. Before you go ahead, let me explain a little bit further. When I saw a current coworker, I knew that I have a sudden attraction on her. Over time, it grows on me. You won't believe it's been years since in this work environment I've been hiding my feeling for so long during that time I have an on and off relationship with my girlfriend. How do I do that? Do I just break up with my current girlfriend and go on with my new adventure? Or do I just keep my intense feeling at work and pretend like nothing happened between us?

As a human being, I can't help sometimes but just to stare at her (my coworker) without her knowledge. But sometimes she caught me. How do I do that? So I tried my best to hide my feeling and starts ignoring her. It's killing me but I can't help it. If I go forward, things will get messier. The only thing I wish I could hope for is just in another world, I could enjoy my life with a coworker, grab her body and kiss her intensely. That's all I wish. Until then, all my feeling will be buried with "He's a weird guy, want to double take his cakes" rumors.

If that helps your situation.

[HJ1314]

You sound like you are in a similar situation as I am. You need to tell her how you feel! Girls love that romantic stuff. If you have these deep feelings for your coworker while with your on/off girlfriend, then it's not fair to stay with her. Trust me, you may move past your coworker but someone else will come along and you'll be in the same fix. Go with your heart and just tell the coworker you'd like to hang out. Regret sucks and it's better to take a risk instead of always wondering what might have been.

[deLorian]

Your problem is your on/off relationship. It has run its course.
There is no mystery nothing new to discover; played out. You are hiding behind something"safe" and fearing the unknown. You should ask yourself these questions: do you see yourself raising a family or growing old with this person? Would you die for her? If you take more than a few seconds to answer, Move on. You are treating this relationship like a marriage, when it's not. There is chemistry and a connection with this coworker. She is confused with your flirtation and lack of action. No doubt looking at your ringless hand, wondering why you haven't asked for her number. She will eventually grow tired and think you strange or the village idiot, and in turn will avoid you. If you don't act someone else will and soon. You are stringing her along while you hold on to your safetyblanket of a relationship. Your heart has already made its decision, follow it

[Robertinho]

Hes testing you out and...guess what is working. Its a little immature but that's what he's doing. If it bugs you, then why don't you get him back with his own medicine, lets see if it bugs him the same way its bugging you. Then you will see if he really did like you for the long run. Nevertheless, good luck with everything, so be it.

[Asker]

Testing me out? I am not sure what you mean. All his current behavior is doing is making me frustrated and feeling like he doesn't like me. This is not going to benefit him, because I feel like I am being pushed away and then I will be less hesitant to want to get involved with someone who is so wishy washy and in and out.

[Robertinho]

What I'm trying to tell you is that why would he kill himself to impress you and have everything going for him. But next thing you know he completely ignores you to the fullest. Its either becaus he's trying to see if you really do care about him, so that you would be left frustrated as to what the heck he doing by not talking to you. Or he's just simply confuse with his ownself, and likes you but not enough to go for it completely. Remember if your confuse its because of him, be aware.

[Asker]

Ah, I get it. Thanks. Well, I do like him. But I am too old for games. If he really wants to see if I care about him, that is hard to do when someone avoids you. He can't even see if I am frustrated by doing that. ha ha :p Oh and I agree that I am confused because of him. I have never had this kind of problem and feel like he may have issues he needs to deal with himself.

[Robertinho]

Like I said in a way I don't blame him for doing this to see how you would react. But then again I do, because it seems like you do like him, but he's pushing you away in a very bad way. He's even confused me here a little lol. If I were him I would stop these games and let you both be together with no games but just the truth in general. Well either way, good luck with everything, it seems like your a good girl, and you both could work something out, good luck there ms.

[Dolcie]

Okay maybe he afraid? Are you his first relationship? He might not no how to deal with his own feelings and yours. I think the best way to find out what's going on is to actually confront him and ask, your not going to get any answers by not doing that because only he can tell you what's going on. But honestly I think he does have feelings for you why would someone go out there way to make a conversation with you if he didn't have any feelings for you? But I do think you reallly need to speak 2 him because then at least you know where you stand with him! If he was just playing you along then at least you know what type of person he is now before you got in to a relationship with him and it would be his loss.

Goooodluck!

[Asker]

Thanks! Being afraid did cross my mind. Or maybe that now we know how we each feel, he decided this is not what he wants to pursue after all. I would not be his first relationship...but it seems he doesn't have many of those. I am starting to see why. :(

[Dolcie]

I don't no, something must be wrong for him to behave like this all of a sudden expecially if has shown that he is intrested in you. But I really do think just ask him!

[justathought]

I can relate. My crush did this to me since last summer. The flirting was so intense that at times I wanted to just scream, "either s*** or get off the pot"...lol. Then recently, the ignoring started and I saw him more and more with his ex (they have kids together). So, I've basically given up on this. I was hurt because he did all the same things that your crush is doing and then just dropped me. I am happy for him if they are back together. I don't wish any bad things on him. I just wish that he wouldn't have started flirting with me if he still had her on his mind. Hopefully, your guy is just shy or unsure and will eventually come around. It sucks that even older guys still play these games. Good luck!

[Asker]

Wow. Sorry that happened to you. People shouldn't pursue others if they still have loose ends with their ex. That is how people get hurt, such as yourself. With my guy, I am leaning toward the shy, unsure, afraid as you gals noted. I know very little about his relationship history, but what little I do know apparently he got married a long time ago and it was very bad, so I can see him being cautious..but he was the one initially pursuing me. Time will tell. Thank you for your input.

[Ricardo_Palma]

There are some guys who think that ignoring a girl and making her feel like a scumbag will increase their value in that girl's eye. Believe me, it works for some girls. But relations are not bound by laws because every person is different but some guys do follow the same techniqu for all girls. Probably that's what is happening with you. I would suggest, either completely ignore him or tell him that you like him. When I say completely ignore, that means that even when he tries to get you to talk again by making you feel good still ignore him. Because the guy will try to make it an on off situation until you propose him yourself. all the best

[bacca400]

Because you thought you were flirting when you actually weren't, or you didn't escalate the flirting. So you didn't send clear signals you were interested and he lost interest and moved on. You have to think like a man. A man won't continue to pursue someone with unclear or vague signals since he has to do almost all the work in dating.

Returning the same level of flirting is NOT escalating. Most girls don't get this.

Don't be subtle, be more direct. Don't say "I like you" (it's not clear enough), say "I'd like it if you asked me out on a date."

[Suenue]

Ugh - something similar is happening to me currently too! It's extremely annoying, to say the least. I do believe that guys when they get intense feelings for a girl, tend to retreat back into their hole until either 1) they deal with their feelings and make a move or 2) get too scared and run away. Either way, it's not you, so don't ever doubt yourself. Keep working on yourself and hang out with your friends and do they things that you like/liked to do before he came into your life, and hopefully he will come around!

[OldboyJon]

only reason i would start avoiding my crush after i already established myself with her its either cause i saw something that was a red flag or i felt like she wasn't reciprocating my feelings for her so i would fall back to it won't hurt as much which is my current situation LOL

[Anonymous]

some times the mutual feelings are due to infatuations and personal likings but all the responsibilities of family life , social accepatablity and otehr issues play dominant part. i also liked married lady about 40 years and flirting went on for months. neither did i say a word nor did she as our eyes said it all. after many months i still could not say any word due to fear of rejection and with passage of time, she ignored and avoided and later on things went beyond issues. every attraction has an expiry date. the fond memories always remain in heart. in case u are bold enough, straight encounter would be best option as otherwise feelings will reamin in heart therby adding to your woes. this is my personal opinion. i did not have the courage to say to friendship due to my marital status and thinking whetehr it would be right path or not and was always having conflict in my mind and due to fear of rejection.

[LuckyGirl1]

In case that helps: I had a similar Situation with a guy. All flirting etc. At some point I got aware of my affection for him and couldn't get rid of it until I started to ignore him long-term. I was in a relationship so I put all the effort to forget that guy and stay loyal to my boyfriend. The Problem was that the nicer I was the nicer he was to me and then I would fall back again. So the only option for me in order to forget him was actually avoidance.

[ZeeBlaise]

Maybe cos he likes someone else now, or has other priorities

[Anonymous]

Looks like he got tired of the chase, or the game and lost interest.
If you aren't more direct... don't be surprised if he finds someone who is.

[Golden-Thread]

It means that girl is out of her interest.