Should I avoid this guy who has a girlfriend even though he may have feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

I have feelings for someone who has a girlfriend. We used to message each other (nothing weird it was normal and friendly ) until his girlfriend discovered he was messaging me and made him unfollow me. He told me what happened and then we agreed to stay friends, but he started acting weird around me. Some people around us at work noticed how we are always talking and sometimes argue, and say that we both have feelings for one another. One week he is attentive and friendly, and the next he is cold and ignores me. Recently he pretty much snapped at me, and I told him how I felt he was sometimes rude to me and I didn’t like it. He reminded me he has a girlfriend and that he feels like when I talk to him it’s just to talk negatively about others (which is not even true tf?) and it makes him uncomfortable. He told me he feels that I’m too comfortable with him and that he feels like he’s dating me by the way I “complain” to him and that I need to worry about myself. I took this as his way of saying he doesn’t want me to bother him anymore because of his girlfriend, but the strange thing is he just got mad at me out of nowhere and never really indicated that I was making him uncomfortable because he usually is open to talking to me and seems to enjoy talking to me most of the time. I respect the fact he has a girlfriend but I feel like if I tell him how bad he makes me feel he will just get upset and gaslight me like he sometimes does when we argue. Why did he only suddenly snap at me like this? And is it better if I just start avoiding him all together?

[Nawlins34]

1.) I have feelings for someone who has a girlfriend. We used to message each other (nothing weird it was normal and friendly ) until his girlfriend discovered he was messaging me and made him unfollow me. He told me what happened and then we agreed to stay friends, but he started acting weird around me. - It's possible that he didn't want to remain friends afterwards and he wasn't bold enough to flat out tell you this.

2.) One week he is attentive and friendly, and the next he is cold and ignores me. - Internal battle with the decision, but ultimately He wants her, not you.

3.) Recently he pretty much snapped at me, and I told him how I felt he was sometimes rude to me and I didn’t like it. He reminded me he has a girlfriend and that he feels like when I talk to him it’s just to talk negatively about others (which is not even true tf?) and it makes him uncomfortable. - He feels bad about talking to you behind his woman's back, here he's establishing the pecking order. It's her first, you second if at all. He's making a choice, lady.

4.) He told me he feels that I’m too comfortable with him and that he feels like he’s dating me by the way I “complain” to him and that I need to worry about myself. - He's providing a reason not to further the friendship and he's voicing that he wants a clean break. Remember the "agreed to stay friends" in #1 above? He doesn't want that.

5.) I took this as his way of saying he doesn’t want me to bother him anymore because of his girlfriend - and you're correct to do take it that way.

6.) But the strange thing is he just got mad at me out of nowhere and never really indicated that I was making him uncomfortable because he usually is open to talking to me and seems to enjoy talking to me most of the time. Usually/most of the time doesn't equal "all the time".

7.) I respect the fact he has a girlfriend - Stop trying to sell this to us. That white line blurred into a gray area with unknown width.

8.) I feel like if I tell him how bad he makes me feel he will just get upset and gaslight me like he sometimes does when we argue. - Your feeling is right, because he doesn't care how you feel, lady.

9.) Why did he only suddenly snap at me like this? And is it better if I just start avoiding him all together? - Because he thought breaking it off would devalue the friendship and you would graceful bow out. When you didn't he got frustrated. He wants to be faithful but he has poor boundaries and your presence makes it difficult for him to do this at work. He has a better shot at being faithful going forward if you stop interacting with him.

So, yeah, leave him alone. I'm not his judge, but he's bad a communicating verbally, I'm simply typing out his actions which you're somewhat picking up yourself.

Leave him alone, this isn't the type of guy you want. Also, there's a small chance he'll come back, when he does, tell him to fuck off.

Take care and good luck.

[spartan55]

"I have feelings for someone who has a girlfriend"

"I respect the fact that he has a girlfriend"

How do those two statements line up to you?
You shouldn't be talking to him at all since you have feelings for him and he has a girlfriend! You can't use the "we are just friends" force field in this case either.
What would you think if you had a boyfriend involved in a situation like yours? You would be PISSED.

[spartan55]

He got mad because he got busted talking to you, and his girlfriend is up his ass about it. He is stressed out. Everything was cool before his girlfriend found out. Makes sense to me.

[Asker]

He often approaches me and starts conversations with me that he sometimes turns flirty, when he decides he wants to talk to me. I’m fine with cutting him off, but I’m worried how he will react if he noticed me ignoring him and then says something snarky to me again.

[spartan55]

Why are you worried about how he will react? Let him be a little bitch, ignore him. If he is going to be a cheatin piece of shit then he needs to keep his head down and stfu. You both caused this scene, but it sounds like you are handling it right. This is a low character guy that you have feelings for, I wouldn't even associate with him.
Also, I would recommend that if he tries flirting with you moving forward that you shut that shit down HARD.