Is it normal for a guy in the courting stage to text you before he goes to work?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on online dating and he has been texting me before he goes to work 3-7am? He’s a firefighter/emt. It’s this normal behavior? We are just in the courting stage.

[SteveSmith1985]

So it's an unusually intense way to start things off. I wouldn't say its normal behavior exactly. There are guys that do this, just like there are girls that do too. Most people don't.

It's not a 'red flag' exactly (not by itself) but maybe a yellow flag? It's weird because it's weird to you. It's too much too fast. That's fair. Very fair. Now it could just be a thing he does. but it could maybe be a sign of a guy who is developing an unhealthily strong attachment. Could be love-bombing. But... it depends on context. If you give more details I can give you a better answer.

[Asker]

We haven’t met or in a relationship. We have just been talking through text for some days. He did act weird he told me to tell my other boyfriends he is the favorite, when we first started talking? He also always waiting or know the times I’m on the app. He comes on the app immediately when it says I’m online and respond to messages quick sometimes. If he forgets to text me he tells me wh, even when I didn’t ask. He also asked if I was free.

[SteveSmith1985]

Sorry, do you mean he asked if you were "free" as in... didn't require money to date?

Now that is a red flag. That is not usual or normal at all. That is not something a normal guy would ask a girl.

My jaw is hanging open right now. He politely asked you if you were a prostitute? That's... wow.

Ok so this is not the kind of description that I was expecting at all.

This sounds like he's creeping you out too (as he should!).

There is nothing whatsoever good you mentioned.

And somehow, you packed in like 4 sketchy things and as HUGE red-flag into like 5 sentences.,

Holy shit. Do not meet this guy? Never meet a guy who is weird to you, or seems off. This guy seems off to you. I know that because of everything you said here. You told me these things because YOU noticed they were off. Your intuition is always something to listen to. Even if you've never had a date, your intuition knows some things. It knew this.

Cancel this date. This is a terrible guy, unless you're looking for super duper casual.

(DM me if you wanna chat. I won't be up too long tonight. But I think it would be a bad idea for you to keep this date. This guy is not what you're looking for (I don't think).

[SteveSmith1985]

Whoa wait Hang on. This went to the wrong question. The above reply was not for you. Sorry!!!

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok so HERE is where the actual reply to your situation starts.

It's funny that I got these two specific questions mixed up. It's a totally different picture.

Suddenly "asked if I'm free" means he's trying to be polite... not asking whether or not you're a prostitute. (That must have been confusing as hell. that whole reply).

Well this guy sounds not like a guy you need to cancel on or anything. But... I get the sense that you're uncomfortable with his weirdness and with the frequency of texting.

Do you like this guy? You can ask him to slow down if you do. Just let him know that things are moving too fast for how long it's been. Then tell him an approximate idea of what pace you're looking for (2 converstions a week? or no morning messages? whatever it is).

If you don't particularly like this guy... I mean... he doesn't sound great (but maybe he is. I don't know anything else but this).

[Blunky]

Not normal, but hose draggers aren't exactly known for being smart. They can also be incredibly predatory from my experience working in fire (met a lot that have multiple child support payments).

If it's bothering you, definitely let him know it's not cool and see how he reacts. These guys tend to move fast in relationships.

[Asker]

Why do they move fast in relationships? This is my first time talking to a firefighter/emt guy. Also predatory?

[Blunky]

Ego. Firefighters are known egomaniacs because they are constantly told by others in the profession that they are given the keys to the city or how they are the ultimate authority because "everybody" loves firefighters. They're like the military in that they prefer recruiting young and nieve men to fill their heads with this crap. It's actually a hot topic during academies because the number one killer of firefighters is ego followed by cardiac issues.

As for being predatory, I witnessed myself how they approach EMS crews and ask the guys who the new young female EMTs are. They sleep around, a lot, and often target young women because it's easier to speed things along with them. Female firefigher recruits often have to deal with sexual harrassment and coercion issues.

Not saying all firefighters are like this, but in my experience, it's more often than not.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't know. I don't allow texts from anyone.