My guy best friend got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me. Why is that?

[baddiska]

So I have a guy friend, we've known each other for two years and were close. We would text almost every day, send each other tiktoks, reels, we went a few times for a coffee (he paid every time..), went to the cinema (we both love movies and he always asked me if I wanted to go with him to a niche cinema in our city), we would go on walks and talk for hours about deep stuff. We understood each other very well.

I was always straight forward about my intentions - that our relationship was platonic, that I saw him as a best friend. He met a girl on tinder a few months ago, he updated me that they were meeting often etc.

Two months ago we stopped talking, he started to ghost me, responded to my messages after a few days, he hasn't texted me first since and we both don't know what is going on in each other's lives. I study in a different city and when I was back for Easter I asked if he wanted to meet and he didn't respond.

I don't get it, why is he ignoring me? I'm pretty sure he's in a relationship with this girl from tinder but why is he acting cold towards me?

[HollyK21]

Opposite sex friendships can only exist under certain conditions and you two already had one of the biggest factors that contributes to why it doesn’t work, which is that you friendzoned someone who didn’t really want to be just a friend. Everything you wrote sounds like the beginning stages of a relationship blossoming and I’m sure he hoped that as some point you would change your mind. Now that he’s found someone else, he doesn’t need you to fill in those gaps that a girlfriend otherwise would. They go on the long walks and outings, she’s the one he calls with his issues or when he’s bored and that’s both what a friend and girlfriend does. It’s nothing against you, it’s just time for a change.

[baddiska]

i mean at the beginning i hoped for a relationship but he never made a move so i wouldn't say that i friendzoned him. if he wanted to he would have shown me clearly that he liked me romantically (if he did)

[spartan55]

@baddiska
And you would have showed him that you liked him (which you didn't). In fact, YOU said that you went out of your way to make it clear to him that you wanted nothing more than friends. Now you are going to put it on him that he didn't make a move? Yeah fuck that.

[HollyK21]

@spartan55 great point per usual. I was going to quote exactly that — she said she was always straightforward about her intentions and that the relationship was platonic.

@baddiska I think that’s where things got lost in translation with him. You didn’t feel like he was making a move, so you friendzoned him, but I think a conversation could’ve cleared up a lot. Because I do think there was a level of interest on his end, which is why he was investing, but when it didn’t seem to me going anywhere he moved on.

Opposite sex friendships rarely ever (next to never) remain fully platonic from start to finish unless there’s specific conditions in place:
One or both are gay.
One doesn’t find the other attractive or the feeling is mutual.
One or both are in a relationship.

Otherwise lines are bound to get crossed somewhere. You say you have other male friends, exactly what was that path like? You never flirted? Never found them attractive even personality wise? Usually there is some nuance or the nuance hasn’t happened yet.

[baddiska]

@spartan55 ok my bad i wrote that i made it clear blah blah actually at the beginning i was hoping for a relationship, we met on a dating app;pp and our second meeting was at his house, he invited me to cook together, i even met his mom. then i was waiting for his move, i was subtly flirting sometimes (i have a flirty personality) but he never took things more far. then he invited his friend to prom (instead of me) and it was obvious to me that he's not interested. then i just viewed him as a friend and made it clear then.

[HollyK21]

@baddiska do you see what we mean? That wasn’t a purely platonic connection you two have a history. What girlfriend (or woman he’s trying to get serious with) would want her boyfriend still carrying on so closely with someone he not only tried to date at one point but may still have feelings for? You conveniently excluded the details of your dating history with him (you can minimize it however you want, it was still a phase) because I think you knew we would all state the obvious: it isn’t simple friendship. Never was.

[Levin]

Few possible thoughts.

There's kind of a harshness in friendships where relationships are concerned. There is also a kind of a power dynamic. The person in a relationship has the power. They're not reliant on your friendship because they have one with their partner. You will always be person number 2 in such situations.

You talk of a platonic relationship but is it possible he wanted more to begin with? A guy can invest so much in a girl, emotionally, only for the girl to find him 'undatable'. This is hurtful for the guy.

Also, maybe he fears his girlfriend doesn't want him to have any close female friends.

Been through this myself so know what you're going through.

[bowenw]

She may be the jealous type and he doesn't want to risk anything at this point.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[MrZameer]

Maybe his girlfriend doesn't want him to talk to any other female,

[spartan55]

No guy wants to be your friend. This proves it.

[baddiska]

i have other guy friends so what tf r u talking about

[spartan55]

And they were probably put in your friendzone by you, just like this guy. They would all fuck you if you allowed it, just like this guy.