Looking for some honest male perspectives on a situation that’s been really messing with my head all insights welcome?

[Anonymous]

I've worked with this guy for years. We’ve always gotten on well — there’s been natural chemistry, a bit of flirty banter, and a closeness that gradually deepened. Over time, we started messaging more often outside of work. It moved from casual chats to more personal and sometimes suggestive messages, and eventually things got physical not full-on sex, but definitely intimate.

The thing is… he’s in a relationship.

What’s confusing is that he sends really mixed signals. He’ll encourage me to date other guys, but then he asks for details like who the guy was, what happened, even whether anything physical happened. It feels like he’s trying to stay emotionally involved or keep tabs on me, even while acting like he’s not that invested.

He also really tunes in to how I’m feeling. There have been times when he’s noticed I was off or upset, and he’d offer to give me a massage or bring me a chocolate bar because I wasn’t eating lunch. He’s worried I wasn’t eating enough. It’s little things like that caring gestures and attention that make me feel seen but then I wonder: is it just part of the game?

He definitely picks up on the fact that I have feelings for him. I’m not someone who gets physically close to someone lightly, and I think he knows that. So my question is this:

Would a guy knowingly keep a physical and emotional connection going with a girl he knows has feelings for him, even while in a relationship just for ego, comfort, or sex? Or could it be more complicated, like confusion or emotional attachment on his side too?

I guess I’m trying to figure out: am I being used, or is there something deeper he’s not admitting? I’d genuinely appreciate any honest feedback, especially from guys who’ve been in or seen situations like this.

[ohsheeT]

Look he likes you he likes his wife at the same time. He wants to make sure your happy and ok the little piece of the good guy he has left in side of him knows. He's a fuvked up husband and so he trys to push you away but at the same time he wants more of. You
If you were to tell him you went out this week end with a really nice guy. And if you told him you had sex with hi. You wouldn't respect you, but you would try to get in your pants. Even more. Because now if he's cheating you can cheat right along with him

If you were to tell him no sooner or later he will get cought And when that happens somebody will get fired. Is he in a higher Position then you is he your boss...

[OneViewpoint]

Why are you asking us? Shouldn't you be having this conversation with said guy? You've known him for 5 years and you've been intimate. Why are you avoiding the conversation?

"Would a guy knowingly keep a physical and emotional connection going with a girl he knows has feelings for him, even while in a relationship just for ego, comfort, or sex?"

Why would a woman keep a physical and emotional connection going with a guy who she knows has feelings for her but who is in another relationship? Is it for her own ego, comfort, and sex?

Only one way to find out...

[Asker]

Just needed some help in understanding. Thanks.

[spartan55]

She needs help understanding why she is helping a cheater cheat. GROSS.

[Asker]

@spartan55 knickers in a twist much.

[spartan55]

Not at all. Just pointing out what you conveniently ignored.

[Asker]

@spartan55 didn't ignore anything its all above. What is an old dude doing trolling the Internet

[spartan55]

'old dude' 😂 😂 really? Not trolling anything. Why are you fucking someone else's boyfriend?
And yes, you did ignore it. Just own it instead of being a skank. Oh yeah, that require being accountable...😂 😂 😂

[Asker]

@spartan55 guess we are both in denial then because you are defo an old man just getting sad thrills from trolling people. I'll listen to someone who is old and embarrassing spending his days trolling kids 🤣

[spartan55]

Sure thing pink anon, you are all alike. Go fuck some more taken men ya skank.

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Dude, she's 18-24. A kid. She's already struggling with it. Get off your moral high horse. People make mistakes. Hopefully she learns from it. You're behaving like a child yourself and not adding anything constructive to point her in the right direction. Maybe go pet your bible and stroke your fake god until he calms you down.

[spartan55]

@OneViewpoint
Who tf are you, her butler? Since one is opposing cheating being on a 'moral high horse'? Cheating isn't a mistake either. You must be one too the way you are taking up for her. She won't even take accountability for her actions, but yeah, I'm sure she will 'learn'.
by the way, not religious nor do I read the Bible. Nice try though.

[Asker]

@spartan55 you seriously need help.

[spartan55]

Help with what? Learning how to be a cheating skank? Na, I'm good.

[Asker]

@spartan55 learning how to be a grown ass adult. You are truly pathetic

[spartan55]

Sure thing pink anon. Anything else? One last chance to be accountable...😂 who am I kidding. You don't even know what that means.

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Oh, you weren't man enough to keep your woman were you? Someone took her, didn't he. More than once likely. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wonder why she couldn't wait to jump on another man's cock. Must have been your wonderful personality.

[spartan55]

@OneViewpoint
Uh... no? You sure like to make shit up when you got a bag of nothing. Go whiteknight someplace else douchebag.
See, I don't have to make shit up to come back at you. You do because you're pathetic.

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Isn't it about time for mommy to give you a handjob and put you to bed buddy?

[spartan55]

@OneViewpoint
Na, you're mom already took care of me. Anything else? You are really boring.

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Wow, my mom's been dead for 10 years. So you're into necrophilia. Why am I not surprised.

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Why are you hanging around and responding within seconds if you're bored? Liar. This is the only life you have isn't if.

[spartan55]

@OneViewpoint
Finally one of your insults are somewhat funny! Now run along, and take the trash out while you're at it.

[Asker]

@spartan55 the trash would be you so out you go! Well at least I got to see a man child have a princess fit in real-time. Really is true what they say immaturity isn't a good look. Bye dinosaur!

[spartan55]

@asker
Stupid pink anons are all alike. Enjoy your morally bankrupt existence.

[Asker]

@spartan55 ditto dinosaur. Maybe get out and have a life, stop the trolling and serious self entitled rage you have embarrassed yourself by unleashing here.

[spartan55]

@asker
'self entitled rage' 😂 nothing like using stupid buzzphrases that you don't even understand. No surprise.
So you fuck some moron with a girlfriend and I'm embarrassing myself? That's hilarious 😂 ! You don't even understand how stupid you sound. Self awareness is a thing. You should Google it.

[Asker]

@spartan55 ha ha ha you really can't help yourself 🤣😂 ah needed a good laugh alright stupid dinosaur whatever makes you feel better you obviously need it

[Asker]

I'm all into charity like that

[spartan55]

God you're still talkin? Go clean your room geez.

[spartan55]

Yeah, I really need skanks like you to make me feel better... always the pink anons hiding that talk the most shit... you're a joke. Go bug off...

[OneViewpoint]

@spartan55 ,

Damn dude. How many times did your daddy molest you? I feel so sorry for you. And everyone who's ever met you.

[spartan55]

@OneViewpoint
From mom jokes to dad jokes... what are you, twelve? Run along, you are dumb af.

[spartan55]

Wtf does it matter what he is thinking when you are knowingly helping him cheat? Does his girlfriend know about you? Have you met her? What would she think of the bullshit going on with you and her boyfriend?
I love how you just completely gloss over the fact that you are being completely gross towards this turd. You are no better than his lying cheating ass at the end of the day. So what if his mind is thinking 'something deeper'? You going to steal yourself a boyfriend? So disgusting... 🙄