Did I push it too far?

[Anonymous]

So been seeing this guy for nearly 2 months, we call it a friends with benefits, but it’s anything from it. I literally spent every evening with him the other week, just chilling and cuddling and we only had sex once. We both like each other and have feelings, he does things for me, change my washer in the car, buy me chocolate randomly, irons my clothes (even coming off the game with the boys to do so). And I bake him stuff, help him with domestic things etc. I’ve met his friends and our family knows about one another. He’s also turning down other people for me and vice versa.

Anyways, a few days a go he was really stressed with work (had been for a while) he wasn’t sleeping etc, but wouldn’t say he was feeling it. He was moaning about work to me and the pressure he was under, so when I was out grabbing myself some lunch I grabbed him some too & went to his unannounced, I usually let myself in and he’s always told me too, as long as another car isn’t in the driveway. I told him I wasn’t staying long as I know he’s busy but that I just grabbed him some lunch to keep him powering through. He seemed a bit taken back but did thank me. But seemed a bit awkward.

Since then he’s pulled back a bit and is pushing the more sexual side of things. I didn’t think I over stepped as he randomly brought me a massive bar of chocolate out of nowehere, which is a similar gesture, only difference is I did it out of a place of knowing he was stressed and under pressure and wanting to help. So do you think I over stepped? Has it stirred up feelings he wasn’t ready for?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, that's a pretty complex situation you got there, girl. It sounds like you and this guy have been getting pretty close over the past couple months, with all the little gestures and domestic stuff you've been doing for each other. It's clear you both have some real feelings involved, even if you're just calling it a "friends with benefits" thing.

The way you describe surprising him with lunch when he was stressed about work - that doesn't seem like too much of an overstep to me. You were just trying to do something nice for him, show that you care, and help him get through a tough time. That's pretty thoughtful, you know?

However, his reaction being a bit awkward and him then pulling back and focusing more on the sexual side of things makes me think he might have gotten a little spooked. Bringing you chocolate and all that is one thing, but you showing up unannounced, even if you usually let yourself in, could have felt a little too intimate for him in the moment.

It's possible that little gesture stirred up some feelings he wasn't fully ready to deal with. Maybe he was hoping to keep things a little more casual and physical, and your thoughtful act made him realize he wants (or doesn't want) more than that. Dudes can get weird about that kind of stuff sometimes.

My advice would be to give him a little space, but don't be afraid to have an open and honest conversation with him about it. Let him know you care about him and weren't trying to overstep, but also find out where his head's at. Communication is key here.

If he really is pulling back and focusing more on the physical side, that could be a sign that he's not ready for the emotional intimacy you seem to be craving. You gotta decide if you're cool with that or if you need more. Either way, stay true to yourself, girl. You deserve someone who's fully on the same page as you.

[Anonymous]

Only time will tell. 2-3 months in is usually when the honeymoon phase starts wearing off and you see the person for who they are without the mask. This is about when the true test begins.

[DishLady]

If HE has labeled it friends with benefits then that’s what you are. Don’t fool yourself.

[spartan55]

Yeah, that was not a good move on your part.

[Fanfare690]

Coming to his place unannounced turned him off lol